The Heart of Marriage: Building Spiritual Intimacy Together
Spiritual intimacy is the secret sauce for a thriving marriage! Jeff and Teresa dive into why this often-overlooked connection can make or break a relationship. They chat about how couples who share a bond with God tend to stick together through thick and thin, while many struggle with the idea of praying together. Don't worry, they’ve got your back with practical tips to help you build that spiritual closeness. So, whether you’re looking to spice things up or just strengthen your connection, let’s explore how to make your marriage not just survive but truly thrive! Building spiritual intimacy is like adding the secret sauce to your marriage that makes everything taste better! Jeff and Teresa dive deep into this often-overlooked aspect of Christian relationships, sharing how a shared connection to God can strengthen your bond more than any date night or communication workshop ever could. They explore the four types of intimacy—emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual—and emphasize that without spiritual intimacy, the rest can feel a bit... off. It's like trying to make a sandwich without bread; it just doesn't work! Throughout the episode, they share personal stories, including how they navigated through tough times by keeping Christ at the center of their marriage. They highlight practical tips to cultivate that spiritual closeness, such as praying together, reading scripture, and discussing what God is teaching each other. They remind us that spiritual intimacy isn’t just about grand gestures; it's about those little moments that build up over time, creating a strong, unbreakable bond. So grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and get ready to learn how to deepen your spiritual connection with your spouse—it’s going to be a game changer!
Takeaways:
- Spiritual intimacy is the secret sauce that makes marriage truly thrive and flourish.
- When couples pray together, they build a connection that helps weather life's storms together.
- Sharing spiritual growth with your spouse can create a deeper bond and understanding between you.
- Simple, consistent prayers can transform your relationship and enhance your spiritual connection over time.
- Reading scriptures together opens the door to meaningful conversations and spiritual insight as a couple.
- Worshiping and serving together not only strengthens your bond but also creates lasting memories in your marriage.
Please pick up a copy of from lonely to best friends again https://inspiringmarriages.aweb.page/transform-your-marriage-devotional
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Transcript
Spiritual intimacy, the foundation of a strong marriage.
Speaker A:Welcome to Inspiring Marriages.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields, and our mission is to help Christian couples strengthen their friendship, grow spiritually together, and to experience the marriage that God has designed for them.
Speaker A:But today we're talking about something we believe is one of the most overlooked ingredients in a thriving Christian marriage.
Speaker A:Spiritual intimacy.
Speaker A:Many couples focus on communication.
Speaker A:Many couples focus on conflict resolution.
Speaker A:Many focus on quality time.
Speaker A:Those things matter.
Speaker A:But beneath all of them is something even more foundational.
Speaker A:A shared relationship with God.
Speaker B:Today we will discuss why spiritually connected couples stay closer, why many Christian couples struggle to pray together, and practical ways to build spiritual intimacy.
Speaker B:Starting this week, let's dive in.
Speaker A:Segment number one, Teresa.
Speaker A:Right in this.
Speaker A:In our first segment, we want to discuss why spiritual intimacy matters.
Speaker A:We know there's four major areas of intimacy.
Speaker A:There is emotional intimacy, there is intellectual intimacy, there is physical intimacy, and there is spiritual intimacy.
Speaker A:And we know from Ecclesiastes 4:12, a three strand cord is not easily broken.
Speaker A:So let's talk about that three strand.
Speaker A:So we know obviously a married couple is two people who God has brought together.
Speaker A:So there's two strands of this cord.
Speaker A:Now, who's our third strand?
Speaker B:It's the Lord.
Speaker A:There's the Lord.
Speaker A:Now, the strand, it strengthens us because this strand, because if we both are not relying on our own strength, neither one of us can rely on our own strength.
Speaker A:But we're both relied.
Speaker A:The Lord goes around each of us, around both of us is.
Speaker A:He is interwoven through us.
Speaker A:He's above us, he's below us.
Speaker A:He just strengthens our cord.
Speaker A:And that cord is not easily broken.
Speaker A:In fact.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:The only way that cord is broken is for either the husband or the wife to break that cord.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Now, God's design for marriage, we know that from the beginning.
Speaker A:We see it in Genesis, but Jesus taught it, Paul taught it that for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother be joined, or cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Jesus added a brilliant statement to the end of that.
Speaker A:What God has joined together, let no man pull asunder.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:So really, it's not up to us to break that apart or take apart that covenant.
Speaker B:As God is a covenant keeping God, so he wants us to stay in covenant with him, stay in covenant with each other in our marriage.
Speaker B:So covenant is not the same thing as a contract.
Speaker B:So as Jeff's been describing, God is in the Midst of our marriage, when we invite him in, when we make that covenant before him, it's not just getting married in the eyes of the law, it's getting married in the eyes of God.
Speaker B:And he wants to continue maintaining that marriage and building that marriage that you've begun with him so he doesn't ever leave.
Speaker B:It's like Jeff said, only one or two of the people in the marriage can tear that apart.
Speaker B:But God intended us to stay married for life.
Speaker B:That was his design.
Speaker B:Because the companionship, the love that we share, the beautiful moments that we have, and the spiritual growth we can have together is.
Speaker B:There's just nothing like it in this world, is there, Jeff?
Speaker A:There is nothing like it.
Speaker A:And the real you is the spirit.
Speaker A:You are a spirit.
Speaker A:You have a soul.
Speaker A:Your spirit is real you.
Speaker A:Your soul is your mind, will and your emotions.
Speaker A:And you live in the physical body.
Speaker A:So you is so important to strengthen the real you, which is your spiritual self.
Speaker A:Husbands and wife, you.
Speaker A:God designed you to enjoy your marriage, enjoy every bit of your marriage.
Speaker A:For you to be best friends.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:You need to continue to do things that are fun.
Speaker A:When you were dating, you did things that were fun.
Speaker A:You didn't just do non fun things.
Speaker A:You did things that were fun.
Speaker A:And we need to continue doing that.
Speaker A:We need to continue to build on our friendship.
Speaker A:We need to continue building those connections, make moments meaningful moments.
Speaker A:Every chance we get to strengthen our connection.
Speaker A:We don't separate our lives into different areas and only share just portions of our heart with our spouse.
Speaker A:Share all of us with our spouse.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:So we need to share our spiritual life with each other.
Speaker A:We need to be praying together.
Speaker A:We need to be going to church together.
Speaker A:We need to be worshiping together.
Speaker A:We need to share scriptures together.
Speaker A:We need to talk about God.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And so it's so important to have shared spiritual connection.
Speaker A:Now every couple, you will go through a storm.
Speaker A:The Bible tells us that many are the afflictions of the righteous, but God delivers them out of them all.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And Jesus even said, in this life you shall have tribulations, but be a good cheer.
Speaker A:I have overcome the world.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:That's not your end story.
Speaker A:So Theresa and I, we have had our share of storms.
Speaker A:We have had our share of difficulties.
Speaker A:We've had issues.
Speaker A:Well, issues.
Speaker A:We had incidents where our son was severely burned.
Speaker A:We have where our daughter was attacked with a kidney disease.
Speaker A:We've had different things.
Speaker A:But Teresa, how important was it to keep Christ at The center of our marriage during those difficult times.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:If you don't know the kind of peace that you can have with Christ at the center, you will really long to have it.
Speaker B:If you ever hear stories like this, that we were able to have an anchor for our souls, that's what the Lord is.
Speaker B:When you go through a stormy time, you could get tossed about.
Speaker B:But for us, we had an anchor for our souls.
Speaker B:We knew that God was going to go through the situation with us and bring us out with a good outcome, because that's who he is.
Speaker B:That's what he does for his children.
Speaker B:That's what he does for your family when you put him first.
Speaker B:So we hung on to the Lord in those situations.
Speaker B:We had to stand on faith in God, faith in His Word, and it really gave us peace.
Speaker B:When we had every reason not to have peace.
Speaker B:Just looking at circumstances, listening to what doctors said or what things look like, we could have just said, this is it.
Speaker B:This is too much.
Speaker B:But we didn't.
Speaker B:That didn't even occur to us.
Speaker B:We just said, we're getting through this because we know the Lord is with us.
Speaker B:And we leaned on Him.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Not just each other.
Speaker B:We leaned on him.
Speaker B:And when you lean on God, he does not give way.
Speaker B:His support is strong and stable.
Speaker A:And every marriage goes through busy seasons, careers.
Speaker A:You have jobs, you have.
Speaker A:You might have children, and things can just get real busy.
Speaker A:But when those times get busy, our spiritual habits have to anchor us and help us stay.
Speaker A:And help us stay connected, because we have to stay connected.
Speaker A:If we don't stay connected, we will drift and distance will form and the walls will go up.
Speaker A:But we have to stay connected.
Speaker A:And we stay connected by staying connected spiritually.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:We got busy at times with responsibilities at home, responsibilities for Jeff at work, and even with all of our church activities.
Speaker B:So we had to work on continuing and building our connection because it is easier to just let it go and not be consistent and not make the time and make the effort.
Speaker B:But when we did that, focused on our connection spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and just made sure our marriage still had priority.
Speaker B:When we started taking steps for that, we saw a lot more connection in our marriage, a lot more joy.
Speaker B:It's been such a blessing.
Speaker B:Feel like, wow, it can't be 34 years because we still feel newly married more than we feel like married for decades now.
Speaker A:Many couples will agree with what we said in theory, but then they run into a practical problem.
Speaker A:Let's talk about it now.
Speaker A:Prayer.
Speaker A:Let's Discuss why couples struggle to pray together.
Speaker A:Now, Teresa, when people pray, when couples pray together, there is this sense of being vulnerable.
Speaker A:And some men don't like that feeling.
Speaker A:They don't like the thought of exposing the heart even to their wives.
Speaker A:They don't feel comfortable with it.
Speaker A:It makes them feel exposed or makes them feel, like I said, vulnerable.
Speaker A:And there's also the fear of not knowing how to pray.
Speaker A:So maybe they just.
Speaker A:If all the churches they've ever gone to were these pre, I guess pre written prayers or these formal prayers that seem.
Speaker B:Or silent prayer or a silent prayer doesn't teach you how to pray.
Speaker A:So it feels like they feel like some men feel like they don't how to pray.
Speaker A:So they have performance anxiety.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Or yeah, they'll sound silly in front of their spouse, in front of their wives.
Speaker A:And they just not used to praying out loud in words.
Speaker A:And it just, they just.
Speaker A:And then maybe they, there's a lack of examples in their lives.
Speaker A:Maybe they never saw their parents pray together out loud, never were taught how to take their wives hands in, in their hands and pray over her.
Speaker A:So it is something that some couples have to overcome.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Both of them can have those feelings.
Speaker B:But I think you're right.
Speaker B:It's probably stronger with the men, more tendency to feel fearful or vulnerable or I don't know how to pray.
Speaker B:I don't know how to lead my family spiritually.
Speaker B:There's been great teachers, great books over the years that can then help men help couples with that.
Speaker B:But yes, you're right.
Speaker B:If you didn't have that example with your own parents or with somebody you looked up to, to see a married couple that prays together and shares spiritual things together, it's a totally new concept right now.
Speaker A:We've been married for four years and we didn't always pray regularly.
Speaker A:And so something that we had to learn how to do and need of us grew up with parents that prayed together regularly.
Speaker A:So we didn't have examples.
Speaker A:So it didn't come naturally to us, as it should to our children.
Speaker A:Our children should have seen us pray for each other.
Speaker A:But it does come easy over time, doesn't it, Teresa?
Speaker B:It really does.
Speaker B:You start losing that feeling of I hope, hope I don't sound silly like you said, or wonder what my spouse is going to think if I pray this or say this.
Speaker B:I've always found that if you have a prayer journal or a prayer that's coming from a devotional or if you have the scriptures in front of you, you have some guidelines on how to pray.
Speaker B:That was something the disciples asked Jesus teach us how to pray because they knew he had power when he prayed.
Speaker B:He had results when he prayed, and God listened to his prayers and things changed.
Speaker B:So, yes, we need the Lord to teach us how to pray.
Speaker B:And that's something you can ask him in your prayer time.
Speaker B:And it does help it get easier.
Speaker B:He'll help you.
Speaker A:One thing you can pray about is help me pray.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:And what we noticed that when we did that, when we keep connecting in a spiritual way, our spiritual intimacy grew.
Speaker A:And it doesn't.
Speaker A:You don't go from, not pray into spiritual giants overnight.
Speaker A:It goes.
Speaker A:It goes.
Speaker A:You learn, you learn, you grow.
Speaker A:You learn, you grow, you learn, you grow.
Speaker A:So remember, prayer is not performance.
Speaker A:You're not going to be judged how well you pray or if you said the right words or you're not doing a Shakespearean soliloquy.
Speaker A:You're really not.
Speaker A:You're just talking.
Speaker A:It's just a reminder that you and your spouse are partners.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:You partner with each other and you're partners with God.
Speaker A:I said, where two or three are gathered in my midst, I shall be there also.
Speaker A:He also said, if two of you on earth agree to any one thing, I will do it.
Speaker A:So, yes, it's a promise.
Speaker A:It was a partnership.
Speaker A:It's a promise.
Speaker A:Prayer reminds couples they're not fighting.
Speaker A:Prayer reminds couples that they are fighting together rather than against each other.
Speaker A:Now, Teresa, let's talk about four practical ways to build spiritual intimacy.
Speaker A:Number one, this is our, one of our main friendship builders.
Speaker A:Pray together daily, Teresa.
Speaker B:Yes, that's right.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be a great magnanimous prayer.
Speaker B:It can be simple.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be very long.
Speaker B:You can pray short prayers that are to the point.
Speaker B:And the main thing is consistency.
Speaker B:Like, we're talking about praying daily.
Speaker B:Because if you just wait for a big dramatic moment, oh, think someone will just hit me, and then I'll feel like praying.
Speaker B:No, this is something, a discipline that you learn just like any other discipline, through practice, through doing it consistently over and growing in that ability.
Speaker B:So just consistency is the main thing, isn't it, Jeff?
Speaker A:So your spiritual intimacy is not going to be built on giant grandiose moments.
Speaker A:No, it's small, consistent prayers over time is what builds your spiritual intimacy.
Speaker A:We have a very simple formula for praying together.
Speaker A:One, and it's not very long.
Speaker A:Just take turns, thank God for something about your spouse.
Speaker A:Bring up a common concern.
Speaker A:That you both have and then thank God for the answer.
Speaker A:It really isn't really that complicated.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Teresa.
Speaker A:This is a fabulous way to build spiritual intimacy and that's to read scripture together.
Speaker A:The Bible talks about the importance of renewing our mind.
Speaker A:The Bible talks about the importance of training our minds to think like God thinks.
Speaker A:And the only way to think about God thinks is to read what he says, read that, those two scriptures.
Speaker A:And as we read those scriptures, it helps us understand who he is and how he thinks and how he operates.
Speaker A:And it just renews that, that mind of ours.
Speaker A:Our spirits are recreated, our spirits are regenerated at the new birth.
Speaker A:But we have to renew our minds.
Speaker B:Ourselves, exactly like you said.
Speaker B:He wants us to think on his level and to think the way he thinks.
Speaker B:But it takes time.
Speaker B:You have to train your mind with the word of God.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It really is the more word that you are reading and of course reading together.
Speaker B:And you can study individual and have your Bible time, but come together and talk about what impressed you about the scripture you're reading, what about this daily devotion you're doing.
Speaker B:How did it impact you?
Speaker B:Did it bring you answers?
Speaker B:Did it show you some things you did not know were in the scripture?
Speaker B:It, it's so powerful.
Speaker B:Did it give you new revelation of God and an aspect of his character and how faithful, how good he is?
Speaker B:Those things really bring a spiritual depth to your relationship.
Speaker A:It really does.
Speaker A:You don't have to go through the whole Bible in a year.
Speaker A:Just pick a passage and you can pick a passage from Psalms, you can pick a passage from the New Testament, you can pick a passage from almost anywhere and just mention one observation from that passage and just have a little discussion about it.
Speaker A:And if you want to invest in a devotional that are marriage focused, where there's a passage for every day and they'll even be discussion questions that you can take advantage of and answer the questions in the devotional.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:And we do that you ask really a.
Speaker A:Another great way to build spiritual intimacy with your spouse.
Speaker B:It certainly is.
Speaker A:Now, Teresa and I are not the same people we were 34 years ago.
Speaker A:We've changed, we've matured.
Speaker A:And so it's really important to check in on each other.
Speaker A:We need to share.
Speaker A:You need to share your spiritual growth with your spouse.
Speaker A:Ask each other questions like what is God teaching you?
Speaker A:How can I pray for you?
Speaker A:Where you think God is leading us?
Speaker A:Where you think, what do you think God's plans are for us?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:What do you think God wants us.
Speaker B:To do because each of you may have a different part of the picture.
Speaker B:And you come together and talk about what God is speaking to each of you about your, like you said, your marriage, your family, your life, the plans that he has for you.
Speaker B:And you come together and start talking about those things.
Speaker B:Then you get a more complete picture of what God wants for your life, your marriage and all of that.
Speaker B:How he wants you to move forward, to do some things possibly you've never done before.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's amazing what comes out of the discussion and sharing what God is showing each of us and praying for each other.
Speaker A:Now, guys, let me remind you, one of your wife's biggest needs is spiritual leadership.
Speaker A:It really ministers to her heart when you take the lead in spiritual leadership.
Speaker A:But he does.
Speaker A:A fourth way that we can practically build spiritual intimacy is worshiping together.
Speaker A:It is so important to take go to the same church.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:It is so important to worship together.
Speaker A:And you can worship together in your home, you can worship together in the building, you can worship together in the car.
Speaker A:Your phone has access to thousands and thousands of worship music.
Speaker A:There is no excuse playlist after playlist.
Speaker A:There is no excuse of the number of play due to the number of playlists that are available where we can worship together.
Speaker A:There's just something about taking your spouse's hand and lifting the other hand in worship.
Speaker A:There is something special about God together.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And it's also important to serve together.
Speaker A:Both of our, both Teresa and I both serve, volunteer at our church.
Speaker A:We really do because we set the example for our children.
Speaker A:How it is important to not only make church a priority, but also to serve in that church.
Speaker A:Teresa.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:It's amazing how much spiritual growth that you will have in a place where they need your gifts, they need your abilities and your.
Speaker B:You'll be able to grow spiritually and develop spiritually.
Speaker B:And it's wonderful if you serve in the same area of ministry in your church because there are many places where people can come in and serve.
Speaker B:It can be ushering, it can be greeting, it can be helping with food for different events and meetings.
Speaker B:It can be someone who does phone calls.
Speaker B:It could be in the worship ministry.
Speaker B:There's so many places that you can volunteer and serve.
Speaker B:And it's great if your gifts bring you to serving in the same department or the same part of your church.
Speaker B:That's a lot of fun.
Speaker B:So you get to have great fellowship with other believers who love what you love and love to do what you do.
Speaker B:And then doing that together is.
Speaker B:It's very precious, really.
Speaker A:And these habits, they're a great opportunity to create spiritual memories.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Those special connections that you can make with your spouse.
Speaker A:Bible tells us in Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 15 and 16 to walk circumspectly or walk carefully like the wise, not the unwise.
Speaker A:Making the most of every opportunity or redeem the time, some translation says where you, you're taking an advantage of the time to make a connection with your spouse.
Speaker A:Now, many couples believe spiritual intimacy is just too complicated.
Speaker A:It's too complicated to even try.
Speaker A:But that's not true.
Speaker A:It just begins with one intentional step.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:One prayer, one conversation, one scripture, one moment.
Speaker A:And these little moments, these hundreds and hundreds of little moments will become habits.
Speaker A:And those habits turn into culture.
Speaker B:Theresa, that becomes the culture of your marriage, the culture of your family.
Speaker B:If we didn't have that, what would we have to pass on to our children?
Speaker B:Not just rules and maybe teaching them some right and wrong or whatever, but that spiritual culture of your home that's based on what is happening in your marriage.
Speaker B:And you're displaying that for your children.
Speaker B:You're giving them that model.
Speaker B:And they don't learn just by what you tell them.
Speaker B:They learn by what they see and experience.
Speaker B:It's more caught than taught.
Speaker B:I love that phrase for them.
Speaker B:And this becomes the culture of your family.
Speaker B:It becomes your heritage that you're passing on to your children.
Speaker B:And of course, this culture we're talking about is strengthening our own friendship.
Speaker B:It deepens the connection we have because we're not just romantically connected, we're connected as friends, best friends, always looking out for each other.
Speaker B:We're spiritually connected.
Speaker B:This is just a powerful way to have a healthy, God centered marriage.
Speaker A:Oh, that's so good.
Speaker A:Teresa, thank you for joining us today on this week's episode of Inspiring Marriages.
Speaker A:If this episode encouraged you, download our devotional from Lonely to Best Friends.
Speaker A:Again, there's a link in the description below.
Speaker A:And remember, God designed husband and wife.
Speaker B:To be friends for life.
