We Made Marriage Fun Again — No Fancy Trips Needed

Hi, I’m Jeff Fields.

And I’m Teresa Fields.

And this is inspiring.

Marriages where we believe that God has designed husband and wife to be friends for life.

When was the last time that you and your spouse did something together for absolutely no productive reason?

You didn’t accomplish anything.

You didn’t check something off the list.

You weren’t taking care of somebody else.

You weren’t even working on your marriage.

But somewhere along the way, marriage can become all responsibility and very little recreation.

What do you think, Teresa?

Are we still fun?

I think we are, yes.

We like to have fun.

So what are some of the things that we used to like to do when we were dating that we still like to do now?

Wow.

Getting together with friends, going outside to a park.

Definitely.

Having worship time together.

That was fun.

Just going to new places, going to movies.

Yeah.

We enjoyed riding together.

We enjoy walking together.

We enjoy just doing things together.

That’s right.

And we still enjoy doing those things today.

Even after 35 years of marriage, we love doing things together.

So this week is not about fixing a problem.

It’s about rediscovering something that may have gotten buried underneath adult responsibilities.

The simple enjoyment of being together.

Yes.

It’s so typical, I think for most married couples, even some people we’ve talked to, to say we kind of forgot to just how to enjoy being together and how to have fun together.

And it was, it was a real wake up call for us when we realized everything was kind of responsibility driven and not much to balance it out, you know, to have fun.

Just have light hearted times like we used to.

So our kids are older, so they weren’t entertaining us anymore like they used to.

We had to get back to creating fun for ourselves.

Right.

Let’s talk about when marriage becomes all business.

Now Ecclesiastes 9.

9 In a new King James version says, live joyfully with a wife whom you love.

Now let’s talk about seasons.

Every marriage goes through seasons.

You have seasons of your marriage.

When we, we got married, we started having children.

So we had a season of raising children.

We had the season of teaching our kids, teaching them responsibility, teaching them how to become adults, teaching them how to serve, teaching them how to act.

Right.

And Teresa homeschooled, right?

So long season of homeschooling, 25 years of homeschooling.

So yes, she was homeschooling up to three different grade levels and that was a busy time for us.

And the kids had either music lessons or they had gymnastics or they had dance lessons.

We were involved with ministry and involving serving our church.

Yes.

And we were involved with my career.

We were doing things for that.

So we’re busy, busy, busy.

No, we had your financial responsibilities.

There is a mortgage to pay.

There may be a car note that has to be paid.

There is debt that has to be paid off.

So that is a lot of responsibilities on a family.

So true.

Of course, the household responsibilities.

You have to take care of your home, keep things clean and tidy and cooking and all of those things that has to be done for a healthy family.

Right?

Right.

Those dishes just don’t wash themselves.

Those floors just don’t sweep themselves.

Your clothes just don’t magically get clean all by themselves.

No.

There’s dusting to do, there’s your artwork to do.

I mean, there is a lot to do about involving.

Right.

Just living as a family.

There’s a lot of responsibilities.

That’s so true.

You know, and if you have a season where you’re caregivers, you may go through a season where you’re caring for your parents or caring for.

For a loved one.

So that’s a season where you.

There’s a lot of balancing and you got a lot of responsibility.

But still, you know, you still have to take care of your marriage.

You still, you still have to minister to your spouse.

You still need to serve your spouse, you need to still give to your spouse.

And even in all of these seasons, your friendship with your spouse is still important.

And we have to learn how to juggle and how to adjust all these things and yet still remain focused on our spouses.

Right, Theresa?

I think that’s so good, saying adjusting during different seasons because you’re not.

You’re marriage is going to go through these seasons.

Your family’s going to go through these seasons.

So you do have to learn to kind of have a new playbook.

You know, when things change, make adjustments not to just succumb to circumstances, but learn how to be effective with your time and learn how to, like Jeff said, not neglect your spouse just because you have a lot of responsibilities or some things change unexpectedly and you even have a new responsibility.

You still have to have a way to step away from those things and, you know, recharge and, and refresh one another and enjoy some time in the Lord’s presence.

That’s so important because we don’t want life to get heavy.

Right.

The Lord didn’t call us to carry burdens like that.

He wants us to, you know, allow him to help us through these things and help each other as husband and wife.

Right.

And we understand the guilt, the difficulty of getting babysitters, just having, finding time for each other.

You and your spouse have become great partners.

You work together.

You, you divide up responsibilities and you work together.

You’re getting things done.

The kids are being fed, they’re getting raised.

But it’s so easy to become schedule managers where for us there was something going on.

Like every single day there was something else to do.

Never a time where we just had free time on our calendar, but there was nothing to do.

There was always something to do.

And it’s so easy for marriages to, to drift into managing logistics, managing schedules.

Who needs to go here, who needs to do what, what needs to be paid?

And it’s so easy, right, Theresa?

Yes.

Yes.

And it’s, it’s nobody’s fault.

We all get caught up in that.

I think it’s pretty typical.

Everybody gets caught up in that.

And you don’t realize that, that your relationship is kind of sliding off into not just second place, but maybe seventh or eighth place in all the priorities.

Right.

Responsibilities are a part of marriage, but they shouldn’t become the entire marriage.

So when our kids were little, they needed a lot of attention, it seemed like.

So there was, there was a lot to do.

And even we went out on a, on a Friday night, we would go to a restaurant and we would find a place where it wasn’t too busy, find a table, eat fast.

Because once the kids got finished eating, they were ready to go.

So it wasn’t, we were spending time together, but we weren’t experiencing each other.

Right, Theresa?

Right.

It wasn’t much marriage time there.

It’s really all focused on managing the kids and getting them fed and like you said, getting done as quickly as we can because once they’re done, they’re ready to go.

Yeah.

So when they’re, when they’re little, it’s pretty non stop with parenting.

You know, it’s a lot to do.

They wake up during the night and they need you or, you know, there’s just, they get sick.

There’s so many responsibilities and things that you’re dealing with.

And it kind of seems like you start making some progress and then, you know, it’s almost like a roller coaster.

But it, yeah, it’s, it’s hard to make time for fun in a season like that.

Right.

And we can tell when we weren’t spending enough time together if, like in a situation where someone may say something, the other person would misinterpret what they were trying to say because we weren’t spending enough time together to understand what the other person was saying.

But what helped us when we became focused on our relationship and focus focused on just being determined to have alone time together and have talking time and prayer time together, that really helped, right?

Theresa made a huge difference.

It really did.

Instead of us just feeling like we’re kind of tossed around by circumstances and everybody else’s demands and time schedules and everything, it’s like, okay, we have to get focused on building our marriage because everybody else is getting attention.

But our marriage was not getting enough attention.

And it really did.

It felt like we came into agreement so quickly.

Just listening to some good teaching, reading some marriage material together, and actually taking time away for our marriage.

When we got to the place where we could do that, you know, a day.

You know, just a day and a night away or maybe a couple of days overnight, that was just so sweet.

It’s kind of like, why haven’t we done this before?

Don’t become such good partners in responsibility that you forget how to be friends in recreation.

So, Teresa, let’s think it back.

Let’s think.

Go back in the Wayback Machine and think about what we used to do for fun.

Okay, So I was, as a single guy, I.

Sometimes I would have singles over at my house, and we might have a cookout, or we might have an ice cream party, or we might play games.

And we would just do things for fun.

And some things that we do, we like to go to concerts, even as friends.

Yes, we would just go to concerts.

We have a mutual enjoyment of worship music, and we go to concerts, even, like Christian Music night at Six Flags.

We.

We would go to that.

And there’s different things that we would do and enjoy together as friends.

That’s right.

And sometimes we would drive together to those things.

Sometimes we administer together at a prison or have dinner out someplace as friends.

And we used to like watching movies.

We like the Street Stooges or we like the man from Snowy River.

Oh, yes.

Or any type of movies like that.

And we would quote those movies, and we just.

We still quote those movies today.

Oh, yes.

Different things.

And different things.

What we did while we were dating, sometimes we go for a walk.

Sometimes we would go to.

To a lake, sometimes a picnic.

There were different things we do even when we’re dating for fun.

That’s right.

And so some of our inexpensive dates we had, we would go to.

To.

To a park.

This picnic in a park.

Or go for a walk, right?

Yeah, go for a walk.

One time, Teresa and her roommate they live in an apartment and they were having a get together for their friends.

So I usually like chocolate.

So I want to get something different than chocolate ice cream.

So I was kind of looking in the freezer in the grocery store and I saw, oh, butter pecan.

That’s something different.

So I got the butter pecan and I took it to their get their get together and they both said how much they like the butter pecan.

So I thought that Teresa liked butter.

Pecan and I thought it was your favorite because you brought it to the get together.

That’s right.

So if I knew that we were going to have friends, I was going to have friends over for a get together at my house.

I would make sure that I had butter pecan in my freezer, and Teresa would see that in my freezer, and.

She thought, confirmed to me, that’s his favorite.

That’s my favorite.

But.

But it turned out that it wasn’t her favorite.

She, that really I was just being nice.

She was just being nice.

We were both being nice to each other, being considerate to each other, but it wasn’t both of our favorites.

And we, we still laugh about that today.

Even our kids know about the story.

And we always ask us, do you get.

Did you remember to get the butter pecan at the store?

So they still know about that.

Right, Right.

And something that went terribly wrong, that became a great story.

Okay.

So I thought that was really, really important for Teresa to be surprised on her engagement.

And I really thought that was important.

So.

So we were dating.

We dated for three whole weeks.

So we drug it out a long time.

So, but she had mentioned during those three weeks, I was listening, that she liked the princess cut diamond.

The princess cut.

So I went and I purchased the ring.

And I had it.

He already knew my size.

Small, very small.

So one day, so I thought it was really important for her to be surprised.

So one, she and her friend Bonnie had gone out, I guess, looking at jewelry, and she thought maybe she liked a different cut.

So she called me and she asked me, when do you plan to go buy my ring?

And I thought, I think I said, have.

Have you gotten my ring?

No, you said, when do you plan?

When you plan to get my ring?

Okay.

So I thought was.

I thought it was important to surprise her, but.

So I said, I have no plans to get by your ring.

I was devastated.

I had it already.

I thought, I thought we were going to be engaged pretty soon.

Oh.

So even to this day, I. I can’t hold back giving her a present If I buy her a present, she gets it right away.

Pretty much, yes.

Even if it’s weeks away from her birthday, she’s getting her present as soon as I get it, I’m not saving it.

So even to this day, and she’s forgiven me.

So even though we’ll tell our story some other time, how we got engaged, she forgave me, she said yes.

And she still has her ring today.

She still has it.

I do have it, yes.

It’s a funny story.

Even we told our kids that story, so.

Right.

It’s one of our stories.

Like this story we just had right there.

We still laugh about it now.

So there’s movies you like, there’s stories you like, you have inside jokes that nobody else gets.

That’s okay, you can still laugh at them.

It is important to have laughter in your marriage, to keep that light heartedness because the Bible tells us that Mary, heart does good like a medicine.

Right, Teresa?

That’s right.

And I think it’s even been proven that your physical body benefits from joy and laughter.

You know, something you can do that’s so helpful, Someone’s in a hospital room, bring them joy, bring them laughter.

But you know, like we’ve been talking about, instead of marriage being heavy, remember to keep that element of joy and laughter and things that you can laugh about, things you can talk about, reminisce and just laugh about it now, even if it wasn’t funny then.

But it’s so important because that’s really serious to say a broken spirit dries the bones.

That’s that, you know, we don’t want our marriage to represent that.

We don’t want our love to dry up.

We don’t want our joy to dry up.

We don’t want our affection for one another and kindness to one another to dry up.

And of course, physically, we don’t want it affecting our bodies, especially as we’re getting older.

So we need that joy.

We need that laughter.

Right?

And some of the moments that strengthen friendship don’t look important while they’re happening.

They’re simply enjoyable moments that become part of your story.

Now, laughter doesn’t solve every problem.

There are couples going through some serious issues, serious challenges, serious storms.

But a marriage without laughter is missing something beautiful.

Now, fun doesn’t have to be expensive.

Let’s talk about expectations.

Now, if you watch social media, they make out quality time to only be like going to a resort, going to a expensive concert, an elaborate dinner, expensive vacations, or the perfect date night.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with those.

There’s nothing wrong with those if you have the money to spend on that.

Right.

But your friendship does not depend on them.

No.

In fact, that kind of is kind of getting you away from building friendship.

It’s like building up to a great big moment or a big, like you said, a big destination kind of thing.

But once that’s over, that fades.

And what’s.

What you need is that friendship that’s going to continue through whether you’ve got highs or lows in your relationship.

If fun requires lots of money, lots of planning, and a perfect schedule, most couples won’t have enough of it.

So let’s brainstorm together.

Wow.

All right, so let’s.

Let’s rapid fire inexpensive date ideas.

Going for a walk.

Having coffee together.

Playing a board game.

Playing with your grandkids.

Going for a picnic in the park.

Oh, I love that.

Doing a puzzle together.

Going on a drive together.

Going to a free museum exhibit.

Grilling in your backyard.

Or just making breakfast together in your own kitchen.

Cooking a meal together.

Oh, wow, we love this.

Watching an old movie, like one of our favorites.

Right.

Go to a nearby town for an inexpensive lunch.

How about just sitting outside on a nice day?

Sitting outside with your phones inside.

Yes.

Or how about this?

Recreate an early date.

So think about a date you went on when you were dating and try to recreate that date.

That’s a fun idea.

That would be really fun.

Yes.

Streaming a TV series that you both enjoy.

Yes.

They call that binging these days.

Right.

That would be fun.

Listening to music together or just going to visit friends.

We want to emphasize that humor must be safe.

Playfulness should bring you closer together, not make your spouse the punchline.

Now we.

You know this.

Never make a joke concerning your spouse and then just say, oh, I was only teasing.

I didn’t mean it.

That has no place in a marriage where you.

You’re making a tease at the expense of your spouse has no place in your home.

Right.

You have to gauge it with what you know is hurtful to your spouse.

Because if it’s a joke that can be hurtful to them, you really should not say it.

That’s not kind.

And if they will feel the sting of that, even if you say, I was just joking, it still hurts.

So we know each other’s sense of humor and we know our boundaries.

We don’t make jokes about each other, to each other or to other people.

No, no, don’t.

Only remember.

Let’s make some new memories.

Psalms 126, verse 3 in New King James Version says, the Lord has done great things for us and we are glad.

So you should celebrate your history.

Celebrate it?

We talk every year.

We talk about our dates, our first dates, and our things we did during our engagement period.

We talk about that a lot.

We’ve been married for 35 years.

We have a lot to remember.

But we don’t want all of our best stories to be our old stories.

That’s right.

Some of your favorite moments together may not even have happened yet.

I have some great expectations.

That’s right.

You too need to sit down and talk about things you still like to see.

Things that you still like to try.

Something that you might want to learn together.

Something that you might want to experience together.

Someplace you both want to visit.

Right.

And something that you both want to do together.

Plan those out, Write them down.

Make plans together.

You get excited about it.

Look forward to it.

Put it on the calendar.

Pinky square.

Put in stone.

Make new memories together.

That’s right.

And they don’t have to be expensive, like we said before.

Now, Teresa, what’s something that we haven’t done together that you think would be fun?

Wow.

I think it’d be really fun to go on an Alaskan cruise.

I know that’s not cheap, but has been one of my dreams.

That is something that we can save for.

Sure.

And we can do that.

That’s not out of the realm of.

It’s not in the realm of impossibilities.

That’s something that we can plan for.

We can save.

Right.

That’s a great idea.

I would like to go to West Texas and see that canyon over there,.

The Palo Duro Canyon.

Palo Duro Canyon, which is the second largest canyon canyon in the United States and looks a lot like the Grand Grand Canyon.

Beautiful.

But it’s.

It’s beautiful over there.

I would like to do that.

As long as you are still building a life together, you can still build memories together.

We want to encourage you to build your fun in ordinary life.

Don’t wait for your vacations or don’t wait for the kids to grow up.

Oh, no.

Don’t wait for retirement.

Don’t wait until the finances are perfect.

And definitely don’t wait for life to get less busy.

It just seems like it never does.

Right, Right.

Because every season has something to deal with.

If you Always wait for when life settles down to enjoy each other.

You may spend years waiting for those moments.

So let’s create a, let’s do that list.

Whenever either of you says that would be fun, write it down.

Keep the inexpensive ideas and bigger dreams together.

Maybe put them in different categories.

Put them things that, okay, we’re going to do this tonight, we’re going to do this this month, we’re going to do this Sunday and put those ideas like the, the Alaskan cruise, we’re going to put that in the someday category.

Right.

And we may even see about putting the going to the canyon and this, this fall category.

That’d be a good time to go.

And so, so then every so often you pick one that gives your marriage something to look forward to.

Yes.

And anticipation by itself will create connection, right, Theresa?

Yes.

Because you’ll be talking about what you want to do when you get there or what should we wear?

What do we need to take with us?

And just making those plans together.

It’s a lot of fun.

Now, we have a challenge for you this week.

It’s a three part challenge.

Okay.

Part number one.

Remember, ask each other what is one of your favorite memories of us having fun together?

Then tell the story before you take time, take turns and answer the question.

Then ask each other, what’s something we used to enjoy that we could do again?

Maybe it’s hiking, maybe it’s walking, maybe it’s golf, maybe it’s photography.

There’s just so many things that you can enjoy together.

Choose one.

Choose one of those things you have.

You have to choose one.

Right?

Right.

And then ask, what’s something new that we can try together and put that on the calendar.

All right?

So remember, you gotta remember something, you gotta repeat something and you gotta create something.

So it’s a three part challenge.

That’s good.

That’s exciting.

Good.

Yes.

On our website, inspiringmarriages.net resource, there’s a link to a free PDF called 20 Creative Date Ideas for Christian Couples.

There’s a link to it in the QR code to go to our webpage inspiringmarriages.net resources get you a free copy of that PDF today.

We also want to invite you to send us an email inspiringmarriagesn.net and tell us some fun things that you and your spouse like to do for fun.

And we’ll compile a list and we’ll share that.

And you may inspire a couple to do something that you like to do.

And they may encourage them to try something new.

Try something fun.

And if this episode made you think of a couple who could use a little more fun in their marriage, share this episode with them, please.

So, Teresa, next week will be our final week of the Back to Best Friend series.

So we talked about distance.

We talked about conversation.

We talked about emotional safety.

And this week we talked about fun.

Now we’re going to bring it all together next week, becoming best friends again.

Because friendship isn’t something that you either have or don’t have.

It’s something that you continue building.

That’s right.

You don’t have to recreate the marriage that you had years ago.

You can keep building friendship.

You can keep building a friendship you’ll enjoy for years ahead.

So we want to pray for you, Father, in the name of Jesus.

We thank you for our spouses.

We thank you for our shared history.

We thank you for the laughter.

We thank you for the memories.

We thank you for the gift of companionship.

And we thank you for the opportunities still ahead.

And we pray that couples rediscover the joy of simply enjoying each other.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Now remember, God designed husband and wife.

To be friends for life.