DMs & Divorces: The Hidden Threats to Your Love Life
We're diving into the best Christian marriage advice you'll ever stumble upon on social media. Spoiler alert: it’s probably not what you think! We break down how secret relationships don’t just pop up out of nowhere; they often start with a simple, harmless DM. After 33 years of marriage, we know that the sneakiest threats to our relationships often creep in quietly—most couples are blindsided before they even see it coming. But don’t worry, we’ve got your back with one solid boundary that’s biblical and super practical to keep your marriage safe from those hidden emotional affairs. So, grab a comfy seat, and let's get into some real talk about radical transparency and how to build trust in this digital age!
Alright, folks, buckle up because we’re diving into some serious yet super relatable marriage advice. This chat is all about how social media can either be your best buddy or your worst enemy when it comes to relationships. We’ve been around the block a time or two—33 years of marriage, to be exact—and trust me, the threats to a happy marriage often sneak in quietly, like that annoying fly that just won’t leave you alone. One DM can spiral into a secret relationship faster than you can say ‘Instagram.’ But fear not! We’ve got the golden rule for you—think radical transparency. We’re talking full access to each other’s phones, sharing passwords like they’re the WiFi code, and having open chats about those sneaky online interactions. Because let’s be real, if you can’t check your partner’s phone, what’s the deal? That’s a recipe for worry and trust issues. So, let’s make sure we keep it all above board. We’re here to help you build that fortress of trust and friendship that will keep your marriage thriving.
Ready to tackle social media together? We suggest four solid commitments: number one, full access to each other’s accounts—no secrets, just openness. Number two, let’s chat about those online interactions. It’s all about keeping the lines of communication wide open, especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex. And number three? No deleting or hiding messages. Seriously, if something feels off, bring it into the light. And lastly, prayer—yes, prayer! Let’s pray together for our online presence, because it’s a game changer when we invite God into our social media habits. So grab your partner, listen in, and let’s make sure our marriages are as solid as a rock!
Takeaways:
- The biggest threats to Christian marriages often sneak in quietly and online.
- Radical transparency might sound intense, but it builds trust in a relationship.
- Open conversations about online interactions can prevent little issues from snowballing.
- Full access to each other's accounts promotes openness and reduces secrecy in marriage.
- No deleting or hiding messages helps maintain trust and integrity in relationships.
- Praying together about online presence can strengthen your marriage and protect intimacy.
Links referenced in this episode:
- inspiringmarriagest.net
- email: inspiringmarriages@att.net
Transcript
This is the best Christian marriage advice you will ever get on social media.
Speaker A:And it's probably not what you expect.
Speaker B:Secret relationships don't start with an affair.
Speaker B:They start with a harmless DM.
Speaker A:We've been married for 33 years and we can tell you the biggest threats to Christian marriages today aren't obvious.
Speaker A:They're quiet, private.
Speaker A:They start online.
Speaker B:Most couples never see it coming until it's too late.
Speaker B:But there's one boundary, simple, biblical, and 100% practical, that will protect your marriage from hidden emotional affairs.
Speaker B:We're going to show you exactly how it works.
Speaker A:Let's dive in.
Speaker A:Welcome to Inspiring Marriages, where we help Christian couples deepen their friendship to build a thriving God honoring marriage.
Speaker A:Now, by now, you've either seen or you've heard about the infamous CEO and the head of HR being on the kiss cam at the concert incident.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:In a blink of an eye, jobs were lost, spouses betrayed, children humiliated, and two marriages destroyed.
Speaker A:Or was it in the blink of an eye?
Speaker A:Let's be real, Teresa.
Speaker A:Let's talk about how social media can be a blessing or a battlefield in marriage.
Speaker A:And the advice?
Speaker A:Radical transparency.
Speaker A:Not as a rule, but as a relationship builder.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:I mean, people expose themselves to a lot of things whether they're thinking about it or not, just scrolling on social media.
Speaker B:And like you mentioned we mentioned in the introduction, sometimes you get messages from people you don't even know.
Speaker B:You don't know why they're messaging you, but it kind of can cause curiosity in the husband or the wife and they might want to respond to this anonymous or unknown person messaging them.
Speaker B:That can be a problem.
Speaker A:So we have four things to you can commit to that will enhance your marriage.
Speaker A:It'll protect your marriage.
Speaker A:It'll just, I guess, enforce integrity, right?
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker A:So this is what we commit to.
Speaker A:Number one, full access.
Speaker A:No secrets, just openness.
Speaker A:We share full access to each other's accounts and passwords.
Speaker A:At any moment, your spouse should be able to pick up your phone and look at any message, any text, any direct message, any.
Speaker A:Anything.
Speaker A:Right there.
Speaker B:Comments?
Speaker B:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker B:This is, this is really helpful because if you can't access your spouse's phone, then it makes you kind of wonder, is there something they don't want me to see?
Speaker B:And that's not a good thing to have hanging around in your marriage.
Speaker B:It can start causing division between the two of you.
Speaker A:Now, I do have a work laptop, and that laptop is for professional reasons.
Speaker A:Teresa does not have access to it.
Speaker A:But that laptop, all of its traffic is monitored by, by someone at, at work.
Speaker A:So there's no secret messaging going on with that.
Speaker A:But unless there are professional reasons that we agree on, we choose openness because secrets create cracks and cracks in road trust.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:I mean, usually a spouse can tell if there's something secretive going on.
Speaker B:They may not know what or who or when, but they kind of sense something.
Speaker B:I mean, that's, that's what God gives us, that ability to sense when something's not right.
Speaker B:And that's really helpful because you, you need to start asking your spouse, you know, is there something you're not talking to me about?
Speaker B:Is there something.
Speaker B:Someone messaging you?
Speaker B:Is there something you haven't wanted me to look at?
Speaker B:You know, we need to talk about this.
Speaker A:Number two, this is what we commit to.
Speaker A:Number two, open conversations about online interactions.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:We openly talk about interactions online, especially with members of the opposite sex.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker B:And you might wonder, why would we need to talk openly about this?
Speaker B:Because these little unchecked moments can grow into big trust issues.
Speaker B:You know, if there's.
Speaker B:There's something, you know, secretive going on, you do start thinking you can't trust your spouse with, well, what if I tell them something secret?
Speaker B:Were they going to talk to this other person about it?
Speaker B:You know, you don't know.
Speaker B:So it really needs.
Speaker B:Everything needs to be out in the open.
Speaker B:You know, secrecy is a place where the enemy can start working and causing problems in your relationship.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Transparency isn't about suspicion.
Speaker A:It's about safeguarding what matters.
Speaker A:And what matters is my relationship with Teresa.
Speaker A:And that matters above all.
Speaker A:So these little imaginary relationships, really, Right.
Speaker A:They're just.
Speaker A:It's just imaginary land.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker A:They're not real.
Speaker A:So what really matters is what is real between Teresa and myself.
Speaker A:And the same thing with you, that is.
Speaker A:What matters is what you have with your spouse.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Number three, we commit to no deleting, no hiding.
Speaker A:We commit to avoid secrecy or deleting messages that could undermine trust.
Speaker A:So, guys, if you ever get a.
Speaker A:A text or a DM from that's inappropriate, show it to your wife.
Speaker A:It loses its power when you expose it.
Speaker A:It really does.
Speaker A:It's just like at work.
Speaker A:If I get ac, I just reported to hr.
Speaker A:If someone's trying to.
Speaker A:I mean, it's just work email, but someone's trying to find out something about our location and what's going on at our workplace.
Speaker A:I just send that on I just hit a little button and say, this is looks suspicious.
Speaker A:And it goes and they take care of it.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker B:You could do the same thing with your spouse.
Speaker B:Say, this looks suspicious.
Speaker B:I don't like the way this person is talking to me in this message or in this comment.
Speaker B:And let's be real.
Speaker B:Pornography is such a big problem.
Speaker B:Online pornography, you know, men are exposed to it over and over and over without even meaning to.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's just coming to them and they're not looking for it.
Speaker B:And, you know, that's a big problem.
Speaker B:It has caused a lot of hurt, a lot of trust issues, a lot of secrecy in marriages.
Speaker B:And it's really sad to see if that actually destroys a marriage because it becomes addictive for a man.
Speaker B:It can even become addictive for a woman.
Speaker B:It's just the way it's designed.
Speaker A:Even more and more women today are becoming addicted to pornography.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So if any of that is coming to you, you've got to cut that off, but talk to your spouse about it first.
Speaker B:You know, cut off the source, you know, bl that person or whatever you got to do, but talk to your spouse about it first.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:If I see somebody who I don't know, who was a girl who wants to be friends on Facebook, I'm like, I don't know you.
Speaker A:So I don't respond.
Speaker A:So they can't see me.
Speaker A:A new one.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker B:Don't respond.
Speaker B:Don't accept the friend request.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:There's no girl wanting to be friends with me.
Speaker A:That's silly.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:If it's not appropriate for both of us to see, it's not appropriate, period.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Our marriage deserves that level of honor.
Speaker B:It really does.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And this is something that I really hadn't thought about before, but this is really good.
Speaker A:When you're praying with your spouse, pray over your online presence together.
Speaker A:So you should be praying for your with your spouse and for your spouse and over your spouse on a regular basis.
Speaker A:And you can take that to mean whatever it means for you if it's daily, if it's every other day, if it's weekly.
Speaker A:But you should be praying for your spouse, praying with your spouse, and praying over your spouse.
Speaker A:But during the time that you're praying together, pray over about your online presence.
Speaker A:This is a game changer.
Speaker A:We should regularly pray together about how we steward our presence online.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:I think it's good to agree on what you're going to share about your relationship.
Speaker B:Online, because there are people who talk all about their marriage, their marriage problems, you know, the ups and downs.
Speaker B:And for me, that would just seem like way too much exposure.
Speaker B:We don't need to talk all about our personal lives and our marriage situations, what.
Speaker B:Whatever's going on and, you know, just spill it out all over social media.
Speaker B:I don't think that's appropriate for us now.
Speaker B:You have to agree on what's appropriate for you.
Speaker B:Because if one spouse wants to have more modesty about what they share online, but the other one is just talking and talking and talking, just posting all about their relationship, that could be a breach of trust.
Speaker B:So you really have to agree on what you want public people to know about your relationship.
Speaker A:That is.
Speaker B:So everybody is not entitled to know about your private life.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Really, on social media, it seems like everybody thinks their private life should be wide open, but that's.
Speaker B:That's really not the case.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:You know, there needs to.
Speaker A:You're right.
Speaker A:You need to protect the intimacy and the oneness in your marriage.
Speaker A:Genesis 2.
Speaker A:25 in the Amplified classic says, and the man and his wife were both naked and not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence.
Speaker A:They were together and they was.
Speaker A:They were open to each other.
Speaker A:And so when we open to each other, we pray for each other's protection.
Speaker A:We pray for each other's online presence.
Speaker A:Like you said, Teresa.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So it's good because I'm going to protect Teresa and Teresa is going to protect me because we are a part.
Speaker A:We are partners, we have spouses, we are united in holy matrimony.
Speaker A:So we are a team.
Speaker A:We are one.
Speaker A:So we will pull for each other and we will work together.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Social media can be a platform to glorify God and protect our covenant.
Speaker A:When we invite him in, it shifts how we post, how we comment, and how we protect each other.
Speaker B:Amen.
Speaker B:That is so good, friend.
Speaker A:The enemy loves secrecy, but God blesses transparency.
Speaker A:Your marriage can be a lighthouse of trust, friendship, and intimacy, starting with how you handle social media.
Speaker A:Send us an email inspiringmarriagest.net and let us know what boundaries have you set.
Speaker A:Protect your marriage online.
Speaker A:And if you would like a free download of our transparency pack, just send us an email and say, I would like the pack P A C T, that transparency pack that, that we talked about during the podcast.
Speaker A:And we will email you a link where you can download that pack.
Speaker A:And it's is full of good things.
Speaker B:It really is.
Speaker B:This is just one section of it that we're talking about here today.
Speaker A:And if you need prayer, and if you need prayer, send us an email at inspiringmarriages@@net.
Speaker A:And we will pray with you and we will pray over you.
Speaker A:This is inspiring.
Speaker A:Marriages.
Speaker A:And remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
