Is Your Spouse Your Bestie? Let's Find Out!
Are you and your spouse feeling a little more like roommates than best friends lately? Well, you’re not alone! Most Christian couples genuinely love each other but often find themselves emotionally disconnected. We dive into why this happens and how crucial friendship is in marriage, drawing from some timeless wisdom in the Bible. We share our own experiences from 34 years of marriage, reminding you that friendship isn’t just nice to have; it’s God’s design for a thriving relationship. So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let’s chat about how to rekindle that friendship spark and make your marriage the best part of your life! Emotional disconnection in marriage is a sneaky little gremlin that creeps in when we least expect it, even among couples who genuinely love each other. As we dive into this episode, we explore the often-overlooked concept of friendship in marriage. It's not just about sharing a bed or raising kids together; it’s about being each other's best friend. Both speakers share their 34 years of marriage experience, emphasizing that true companionship is a divine design. The conversation highlights how many couples might not even consider their spouse a friend, which is a total bummer because friendship adds a whole new layer of richness to the marriage experience. They use Proverbs 17:17 to remind us that a friend loves at all times, especially in marriage, where that bond should be nurtured and celebrated. So, if you’re feeling a little distant, it’s time to reconnect and remember why you fell in love in the first place! As the chat progresses, they tackle the slow fade that can happen in relationships. Life gets busy with work, kids, and the daily grind, and before you know it, you’re not having those deep conversations anymore. The hosts share personal anecdotes about how the drift happens over time and how easy it is to misplace that friendship amidst the chaos of life. They beautifully articulate that true love goes beyond just managing life together; it’s about actively choosing to be friends and staying connected. The episode is loaded with insights and practical tips to help couples reignite that friendship flame and prioritize quality time together, because at the end of the day, your spouse should be your go-to person for everything, from the big life decisions to the little daily joys. Wrapping up, they remind listeners that marriage is a covenant, but it’s also a partnership filled with companionship. They encourage couples to intentionally set aside time for each other, whether through date nights or simply checking in throughout the day. This podcast episode is a gentle yet powerful reminder that a strong friendship can be the foundation for a thriving marriage. Tune in for heartfelt advice that’s both practical and profound, and let’s keep those friendship vibes alive!
Takeaways:
- Many couples love each other but often feel emotionally disconnected despite being together in daily life.
- Friendship is key in a marriage; it's essential to nurture that bond intentionally over time.
- Being busy can create a silent killer of friendship; you need to prioritize each other amidst chaos.
- Regular deep conversations help prevent drifting apart; make time to connect meaningfully each day.
Links referenced in this episode:
Free resource: Please pick up this 7 Day Devotional on Forgiveness and Understanding: https://inspiringmarriages.aweb.page/p/4f64af2c-43aa-4f72-94c4-50b67d12cfa1
Transcript
Let me ask you one question.
Speaker A:Are you and your spouse, are you as close as you once were?
Speaker A:Most Christian couples really love each other, but we find they're emotionally disconnected.
Speaker B:They pray together, go to church together, raise kids together, but they don't feel like best friends anymore.
Speaker B:Jeff.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And the Bible really speaks directly about this.
Speaker A:Yet most couple missed this.
Speaker A:Let's dive in.
Speaker A:Teresa.
Speaker A:We've been married 34 years, and we've discovered that friendship is God's design.
Speaker A: Even Proverbs: Speaker A:So we found that a lot of couples really don't consider that their spouse is their friend.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:If you ask, who's your best friend?
Speaker A:Not many of them will ask, answer
Speaker B:with their spouse's spouse's name.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:That's true.
Speaker B:It'll be a girlfriend, or the guy might have a best buddy or something.
Speaker B:But it's.
Speaker B:It's really sweet for your best friend to be your spouse.
Speaker B:I think that's so special.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And, you know, our.
Speaker A:This is inspiring marriages, and we're all about enhancing your marriage by building your friendship.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:We learned it by walking it out ourselves.
Speaker B:We needed this too.
Speaker A:So, of course we know marriage is a covenant, but it's not just a covenant.
Speaker A:It's also for companionship.
Speaker A:We all know in Genesis chapter two, when it recounts the beginning of the first marriage, that God said, it is not good for man to be alone.
Speaker A:That happened even before sin entered into God's creation, that he said, so he made a help meet for him.
Speaker A:And a help meet is.
Speaker A:Is the Hebrew word ezer, where it's the same word God uses for himself as a military help.
Speaker A:So it's not just, well, the spouse is.
Speaker A:The wife is just a helper.
Speaker A:Yay.
Speaker A:No, it's like a military might that comes along for her husband and is joined to him.
Speaker A:Adam said, for this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife, and they shall become one.
Speaker A:And what we have found out is that the drift happens slowly.
Speaker A:Remember the song from Fireproof Casting Crowd, Slow Fade.
Speaker B:That was so appropriate.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:So it doesn't happen, like, all of a sudden, right?
Speaker A:Theresa.
Speaker A:It happens over time.
Speaker A:The drift happens over time when you
Speaker B:don't realize it's happening, that it's so dangerous.
Speaker B:That's the sad thing about.
Speaker B:That's what they're pointing out in that song, in that movie.
Speaker B:They didn't know that they were both sabotaging their marriage by what they were not doing to Stay close, to stay friends, to care for each other.
Speaker B:It just, it just caused that drifting, like you said.
Speaker A:And I think we, we found that when couples stop talking deeply, that the drift, that the drift happens and it's so easy.
Speaker A:We know how hard it is to be married and to have, if you have children and to just get, you're just trying to get through the month and, and get the bills paid and car payment, house payment, get the, keep the lights on, keep the gas going, get gas in the cars.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:There's just a lot of things going on.
Speaker A:Then you have kids, you know, they got this practice and that practice, this after school program, that after school program.
Speaker A:You got to get them to school, you got to get them home from school.
Speaker A:Gotta make sure they do their homework, you gotta make sure they're fed well, you gotta clean them up, get them ready for bed.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It's just a lot of stuff going on.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And it's just not a lot of time to talk about the deep things in life.
Speaker A:You're mostly managing life.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Instead of sharing your life.
Speaker A:Exactly right, Teresa.
Speaker B:That's, that's so true.
Speaker A:And there's no doubt that these couples love each other.
Speaker A:And it's, I mean, we're not even casting doubt that, you know, if you don't feel like you're close, close friendship with your spouse, that somehow you don't love your spouse.
Speaker A:We're not suggesting that at all.
Speaker A:As the British would say.
Speaker A:We would.
Speaker A:But love doesn't replace intentional friendship, doing things together.
Speaker B:That's right, right.
Speaker B:That, that's so true.
Speaker B:I mean, like you said, they know that they love each other, but a couple that doesn't have that friendship, they, it's like you don't know what you're missing.
Speaker B:You say, well, we do everything together because like you said, manage the household, manage the kids, the job, but without that friendship, they're missing on the richness of their relationship.
Speaker B:It's, it's just so.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker B:So wonderful.
Speaker A:Say that again.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Without that friendship, you're missing out on the richness of your marriage relationship.
Speaker B:It should be the best part of your life.
Speaker B:Besides, being a believer is to have that richness.
Speaker B:It's like if you didn't have a friendship with your Lord and savior, if it was just, he's Lord, I have to serve him, you know, duties, duties, duties, do all the right things and don't do the wrong things.
Speaker B:The friendship is missing.
Speaker B:Well, that's not how the Christian life is supposed to be.
Speaker B:In marriage is the same way there's got to be that friendship, that long lasting bond together where you feel like you know each other so well.
Speaker B:You, you do so many things together because life is definitely going to try to pull you away from each other.
Speaker B:You need that bond.
Speaker A:That, that is so good.
Speaker A:If you go over to our website, inspiringmarriages.net there you can keep up with all of our latest news and you can see our detailed show notes for this episode and all our other episodes.
Speaker A:And there's a keep in touch section where you can sign up to receive our latest offerings for free.
Speaker A:And one of the offerings you have is our seven day devotional on forgiveness and understanding for couples to go through and just work out anything and just get that friendship back red hot.
Speaker A:Like it, like it supposed to be.
Speaker A:That's right, Teresa.
Speaker A:One of the great myths in marriage, even among Christian marriages, is that my spouse completes me.
Speaker B:Oh yes, that's a beautiful.
Speaker A:If I just found, find the right guy who, or I just find the right girl, that I'm going to feel complete.
Speaker B:Right, like you found your other half.
Speaker A:The other half.
Speaker A:That's the soulmate mythology.
Speaker A:That is only one person in the history of the world on the face of this planet that can complete you.
Speaker A:And that's not true.
Speaker A:You do have a soulmate.
Speaker A:And that soulmate is Jesus Christ.
Speaker A:Jesus Christ is the only person that can complete you.
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker B:That is so awesome.
Speaker B:I, I think when I finally got that revelation, it, it brought a lot of peace.
Speaker B:And as we're going to see, we don't want to put pressure on our spouse to be that person.
Speaker B:You've got to complete me.
Speaker B:You see this in so many.
Speaker A:A lot of pressure.
Speaker B:That is teen romances.
Speaker B:You see it in novels, in movies.
Speaker B:Oh, if I just find that person that makes me feel complete.
Speaker B:But no person can be all that except your Lord and Savior.
Speaker B:That's just impossible.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:And there is no way in my imagination can I compete with the Lord Jesus Christ.
Speaker A:He is my completer.
Speaker A:He completes my spouse.
Speaker A:He completes me.
Speaker A:And that's where we find our wholeness.
Speaker A:Because he brings healing to our, to our spirits, recreates our spirits, brings wholeness to our souls and regenerates our souls or renews our souls, renews our mind.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:But when each person chooses the other one daily, that's when the friendship thrives, isn't it, Teresa?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:It's a daily walk, a daily interaction between husband and wife to go after each other, to seek the Lord together, to do all they can to chase after the Lord because He's the One that completes us.
Speaker A:He's the One that makes our marriage whole.
Speaker A:And that's how we, our friendship thrives, isn't it?
Speaker B:It really is.
Speaker B:And, you know, he never wants us to carry the burden of making everything work.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker B:So you can't make your marriage work without both of you leaning on the Lord individually and together, depending on him, seeking him for his help and his wisdom for his healing, his restoration.
Speaker B:It's so powerful because then you don't have that carrying that load of trying to be so much for your spouse.
Speaker B:You just do what the Lord shows you to do and be a friend to your spouse, be their best friend.
Speaker B:And it's, it's fun.
Speaker B:It's not a heavy thing.
Speaker B:That's what's so awesome about it, right?
Speaker A:And friendship requires investment.
Speaker A:It requires financial investment.
Speaker A:It requires emotional investment.
Speaker A:It really does.
Speaker A:Date nights are not optional.
Speaker A:And I'm not talking about, you don't have to go out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse every Friday night.
Speaker A:You don't even have to go out.
Speaker A:But it's a date night.
Speaker A:It's where you're intentionally spending time together.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And you can have a meal.
Speaker A:I mean, you could have it in your living room.
Speaker A:You can have a picnic on your living room floor, sitting at your coffee table, putting together a jigsaw puzzle.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Or playing a board game.
Speaker A:Playing board game with the kids.
Speaker A:But you got to have that time where you look in each other's eyes and you communicate, right?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker A:We got to have emotional check ins.
Speaker A:We recommend every day that sometime during that day that you and your spouse stop, you look in each other's eyes and you talk.
Speaker B:Mm, mm.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:There's so much you don't know is going on unless you start asking questions and talk about your day.
Speaker B:And it could be in the middle of the day just checking in and saying, how's your day going?
Speaker B:Is anything, everything okay?
Speaker B:Or there's some things you're dealing with.
Speaker B:You know, it takes some time sometimes for wives to help their husbands to talk about those things because they, they might be mentally or internally processing.
Speaker B:But if you can share these things that you're both walking through it, it really helps because, you know, besides the Lord, you've got someone in your corner, you know, you've got someone walking through things with you.
Speaker B:You don't have to do things all on your own.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And you guys be Actively curious about your spouse.
Speaker A:You can't tell me that you know everything about your spouse.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:All right, guys, I'll give you.
Speaker A:I'll give you got a quiz.
Speaker A:How fast can you answer these?
Speaker A:What's your wife's favorite color?
Speaker A:What's her favorite flower?
Speaker A:What's her favorite perfume?
Speaker A:What size clothes does she wear?
Speaker A:What's her.
Speaker A:Who's her favorite author?
Speaker A:What's her favorite movie?
Speaker A:Who's her best childhood friend?
Speaker A:Who's her best friend now?
Speaker A:What kind of dream does she have?
Speaker A:What kind of aspirations does she have?
Speaker A:Do you know all these things?
Speaker A:Wives?
Speaker A:What's your husband's favorite color?
Speaker A:What's his favorite movie?
Speaker A:What's his favorite sport?
Speaker A:What team are his favorite teams?
Speaker A:What sports did he play as a kid?
Speaker A:What hobbies does he like?
Speaker A:What hobbies would he.
Speaker A:Would he like?
Speaker A:Who's his favorite author?
Speaker A:What's his favorite movie?
Speaker A:What shirt size does he wear?
Speaker A:What kind of clothes does he like?
Speaker A:What's the favorite brand of shoes?
Speaker A:Do you know all these answers?
Speaker A:Who was his childhood friend?
Speaker A:What was his favorite memories from high school?
Speaker A:Do you know all these things?
Speaker A:And if you don't know all these things, you have a lot to talk about.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:Have a lot to talk about.
Speaker A:And you don't have to share them all the same night.
Speaker A:You guys could take time.
Speaker A:You have a lifetime to get to know each other and just enjoy the journey.
Speaker B:Mm, that's good, right, Teresa?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Enjoy the journey.
Speaker B:It is fun discovering more about each other, because you certainly didn't learn everything there was to know in your first year of marriage or your first 10 years.
Speaker B:You're still growing and changing, too, you know, There are going to be updates to the favorite things and what you like and don't like.
Speaker B:And that's.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker B:Just.
Speaker B:Just don't settle in like Jeff said, and think, well, I know my spouse, they know me, and just be okay with that.
Speaker B:Just keep being curious, keep having fun
Speaker A:being curious and keep having fun.
Speaker A:Yes, we believe and we teach that marriage is a covenant.
Speaker A:It's based on our relationship with Jesus Christ.
Speaker A:So it's why we say vows at your wedding ceremony.
Speaker A:You're saying vows, really, to God about your spouse.
Speaker A:But that covenant doesn't maintain closeness.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You just can't go on cruise control.
Speaker A:Okay, now we're married.
Speaker A:Okay, Now I can stop pursuing my.
Speaker A:My spouse.
Speaker A:No, it's.
Speaker A:You know, when this, when Genesis, chapter two, when it talks about husband cleaving to his wife, it's like husband is keep pursuing his wife.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker A:And it doesn't.
Speaker A:The covenant doesn't maintain that closeness.
Speaker A:And going on cruise control doesn't maintain closeness, does it, Teresa?
Speaker B:No, it doesn't.
Speaker B:It really doesn't.
Speaker B:Like we've said, there are so many things that are trying to pull you away from each other, you know, use up your time, your energy.
Speaker B:But you've got to think about being intentional with your covenant relationship.
Speaker B:You know, read about covenant marriage, listen to good teaching about marriage.
Speaker B:That helps you keep growing in your understanding of what God has given you in this covenant.
Speaker B:Because you're not going to know everything just in a moment or in a year's time or a matter of years.
Speaker B:This is something you keep growing in and growing deeper in your relationship, growing more aware of, of what God wants to do in your marriage.
Speaker B:It's just so beautiful and so powerful.
Speaker B:But that closeness is so wonderful.
Speaker B:We don't want to miss that.
Speaker B:You know, God created this to be a beautiful, beautiful relationship, the highest covenant relationship besides the covenant that he's made with us.
Speaker B:I mean, this is very high on God's list of prior.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So a marriage, the marriage should reflect.
Speaker A:The marriage should be an example of Christ's relationship with the church.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:It really should be.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And there's as a silent killer of friendship in marriage out there.
Speaker A:And it's called busyness.
Speaker A:And it's not bad, necessarily bad business.
Speaker A:It certainly there are some bad business, but there's some you might be involved in your kids, with your kids, their.
Speaker A:Their lives and getting them trained and getting them equipped.
Speaker A:You might be involved in work or maybe you both work.
Speaker A:Maybe you work long hours.
Speaker A:You may be busy with ministry and even serving at church or being.
Speaker A:Serving others.
Speaker A:And that busyness will kill friendship because at the end of the day, I'm tired.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:I'm tired.
Speaker A:I'm tired.
Speaker A:Becomes the norm.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:I think that's kind of the American picture of married life, is both of them are just totally exhausted from all the work and the activity and kids and responsibilities.
Speaker B:And even if they do anything outside of the home, it's.
Speaker B:Yeah, they're just exhausted.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And we heard the term a few years ago during COVID The new normal.
Speaker A:And we're tired has become the new normal.
Speaker B:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:And it.
Speaker A:And to paraphrase Paul, and these things shall not.
Speaker A:Should not be right.
Speaker B:They should not be.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:If you don't have anything left, no emotional energy, no physical energy, no ability to just reconnect at the end of a day, then you're just doing too much.
Speaker B:You just have to start looking at what's more important.
Speaker B:We've got to set priorities and probably cut a few things out.
Speaker A:Who said your child has to play every sport?
Speaker A:Who said they had to be in every play?
Speaker A:Who said they had to play be at every dance lesson?
Speaker A:But we found out that biblical friendship is sacrificial.
Speaker A:Ephesians 5:25.
Speaker A:Paul commanded the husbands, husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Speaker A:Love your wife so deeply and sacrificially that the only love that she can compare that to is the love of Christ.
Speaker A:So biblical love is sacrificial sometimes.
Speaker A:And you also have to sacrifice some things.
Speaker A:You don't have to do everything that's right.
Speaker A:And one of the things you do is husbands.
Speaker A:We learn, we have to learn to listen to our wives without trying to fix it.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker B:She doesn't want a solution.
Speaker B:A lot of times she just needs to let you know what all she's trying to handle and what she's dealing with.
Speaker B:That is so true.
Speaker B:That is, that is a great piece of advice.
Speaker B:And just listening is huge.
Speaker B:I mean, we've talked about communication before.
Speaker B:Listening.
Speaker B:Instead of trying to give all your own ideas, just listen.
Speaker B:Each husband and wife both need someone that's a good listener.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:It's so helpful.
Speaker A:And, and when you're, when you're interacting, you don't always have to be the one.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker A:Sometimes we need to choose being gentle over being.
Speaker A:Being right.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Be gentle to each other.
Speaker A:Be kind.
Speaker A:Be kind and gentle each other.
Speaker A:Be forgiving and long suffering and show great mercy to each other.
Speaker B:Oh, that's so good.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I mean, you give other people a lot of grace, but sometimes we don't give our spouses the same consideration, like you said, and kindness and politeness.
Speaker B:And who really should have it more than anybody is your spouse.
Speaker B:Not your friends outside of your marriage or your work co workers.
Speaker B:Your spouse should have the most consideration, the most kindness, the most forgiveness.
Speaker B:And you're right.
Speaker B:Just choosing to be gentle, to be kind, that goes a long, long way.
Speaker A:And small daily interactions, they matter.
Speaker A:Just have five minute conversations.
Speaker A:Try to have.
Speaker A:And everybody's schedule is different.
Speaker A:Maybe it's better for you in the morning.
Speaker A:Maybe, maybe this is better for you at night.
Speaker A:You and your spouse need to decide this.
Speaker A:You got to have a five minute conversation.
Speaker A:You got to start where you are.
Speaker A:If you're not having a five minute conversation, I mean, conversation where you're looking and talking to each other, making eye contact.
Speaker A:You gotta have those five minute conversations.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And we also recommend part of our marriage Builders handout.
Speaker A:You gotta pray with each other every day.
Speaker A:Praying intentionally every day.
Speaker A:Right, Teresa?
Speaker B:Mm, yes, yes.
Speaker B:That's extremely important.
Speaker A: We mentioned Proverbs: Speaker A:Teresa, what does that really mean inside a Christian marriage, a friend loves at all time?
Speaker B:Well, it's like whether your friend is doing well or not doing well, whether they have it all together or they're struggling or whether their, you know, opinions are right or they don't seem to be right, you know, you would, for a friend, you would say, oh, that's okay, you know, I understand.
Speaker B:But we need to give that same, like we said, consideration, that grace to our spouse as our friend, as our best friend.
Speaker B:You know, don't just assume they have to be right all the time.
Speaker B:They might be saying something that's not right, but it's okay.
Speaker B:Give them some consideration to say, the Lord will help us understand about this.
Speaker B:We'll find out what the Lord wants us to do about this.
Speaker B:You know, you don't have to correct your spouse and say, that's not right.
Speaker B:I don't agree with that.
Speaker B:You know, be a friend, you know, and love your spouse.
Speaker B:When things are hard, when they're easy, no matter what is happening, just don't let that friendship go out of the picture.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:You know, as you're married, you know, there's your honeymoon phase and there's, you know, the other and the post honeymoon phase and different phases of marriage.
Speaker A:You know that right now.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:And there's different stages of life, different storms that you weather together.
Speaker A:So it's not just through the honeymoon phase and it's just not just easy years, but also when you face adversity together, that's, you know, you show love to each other.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's when you really, really need it.
Speaker B:Like if anyone, if no one else stands by me, my spouse needs to stand by me.
Speaker B:When we're going through something, you know, it can drive you apart or it can cause you to draw closer.
Speaker B:You know, both seek the Lord and say, we're going to get through this together.
Speaker B:We're not going to let this be a place where we just lost all of our, you know, compassion for each other because we went through something hard.
Speaker B:Or, you know, we let this drive a wedge between us.
Speaker B:Don't let that be the Case, you know, can keep your marriage as the number one priority.
Speaker B:The problem is temporary.
Speaker B:It may look really big at the time, but it's temporary.
Speaker B:But your marriage needs to continue and get stronger.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:One thing that friendship does, it builds safety.
Speaker A:So in marriage, there are four areas of intimacy.
Speaker A:There's a spiritual intimacy, intellectual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy.
Speaker A:But when you're able to build friendship and able to develop trust between a husband and wife, and it takes time to create this trust, you're not there day one, because you're on a journey together, maturing and progressing in your walk, in your spiritual walk, and in your emotional walk with each other.
Speaker A:And you have to learn to be vulnerable.
Speaker A:Intimacy is into me, see, where you're so open with your spouse that you're looking into your spouse's spirit.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:As a.
Speaker A:That's a vulnerable position.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker A:And unfortunately, there are people who have been violated in their.
Speaker A:In their spirits or in their souls because they were.
Speaker A:They opened themselves up to the wrong person.
Speaker A:Maybe they weren't married to someone and they shared something personal and that later that person used words or actions and took advantage of that person and damaged that person and caused hurt to that person and it caused them to close up and.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:But when you create.
Speaker A:When you have friendship in your marriage and you're your best friends, you're emotionally intimate and.
Speaker A:And you're intellectually intimate and you're spiritually intimate and you're physically intimate, you're able to open up to each other.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that is.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:That safety net.
Speaker A:Or that.
Speaker A:That's not a net, but that atmosphere of safety around your.
Speaker A:Your household, you're able to open up to each other because you're able to be vulnerable to each other.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And I think men have a hard time opening up emotionally to their spouses because either is awkward to them or maybe they've been hurt before.
Speaker A:A sharp tongue or something hurtful has caused them to close up emotionally.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:But that friendship, it really creates an atmosphere where husbands and wife can be totally open to each other.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:A safe place, you know, everybody needs a safe place to just be yourself without any criticism, without any condemnation.
Speaker B:If it's different than your spouse, it's okay that you have differences, but.
Speaker B:But be kind to one another where you're different, where you think differently or have different feelings about something.
Speaker B:But it's so good that you can be vulnerable with your spouse.
Speaker B:When you.
Speaker B:Like you said, it's.
Speaker B:We should feel enveloped in this in the safety.
Speaker B:You know, like when we trust in the Lord, he becomes a shield all the way around us.
Speaker B:Will you trust in the Lord together in your marriage?
Speaker B:And the Lord will create that shield in your married life, in your family life, where your home, even, you know, between you and your kids, they can be themselves.
Speaker B:They don't have to perform to please their parents, you know, and you can be yourself with your kids.
Speaker B:But marriage, it starts with the marriage where you're vulnerable, but you're safe, you know, between you and your spouse, you can be vulnerable with each other.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And that when you're vulnerable with each other, it really deepens your intimacy in all four areas.
Speaker A:Your spiritual intimacy, your emotional intimacy, your intellectual intimacy, and your.
Speaker A:In your physical intimacy.
Speaker A:It really deepens and intensifies that intimacy because it's.
Speaker B:It's trust.
Speaker B:It's just basic trust.
Speaker B:That's one of the most basic needs any human being has.
Speaker B:They can trust someone with their life, with their feelings, with their heart, and.
Speaker B:And not be afraid, not be ashamed.
Speaker B:And that's what God wants for marriages.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:As husbands, wives, seek to understand each other, seek to part.
Speaker A:Your connection is when you're talking and interacting is to understand each other.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Not just exchanging information like we've mentioned before.
Speaker B:Yeah, we want to understand our spouse.
Speaker B:And if you don't quite understand where they're coming from, when they're talking, just ask some questions, you know, kindly, gently, and, you know, respectfully ask some questions just to get a better understanding of what they are saying, what they're feeling.
Speaker A:And walk in forgiveness.
Speaker A:Be quick to forgive, because that.
Speaker A:That forgiveness keeps friendship alive.
Speaker B:That's so, so important.
Speaker B:So important.
Speaker A:And best friends choose each other.
Speaker A:Choose each other daily.
Speaker A:Don't we, Teresa?
Speaker B:Yes, that is so true.
Speaker B:I mean, before you were ever married, if you had a best friend, you were probably talking on the phone a lot.
Speaker B:Of course now, probably texting each other a lot, writing each other little notes, whatever it was.
Speaker B:But best friends in your marriage, you choose.
Speaker B:I just got this great idea or something good happened to me, and I can't wait to tell my spouse.
Speaker B:You know, that's the person you.
Speaker B:Was he saying, I can't wait to tell them this because you're choosing your spouse over everyone else.
Speaker B:This is my best friend.
Speaker B:This is the person that I want to share everything in my life with.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:It's so sweet just to have that relationship.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And it's not based on feelings.
Speaker A:It's not based on the emotions.
Speaker A:Gary Smalley, years ago, in the early 90s had a book.
Speaker A:Love is Love is a decision, right?
Speaker A:You love because you choose to love.
Speaker A:You love your spouse because you choose to love your spouse because not based on the feelings.
Speaker A:My feelings that day.
Speaker A:Whether I feel like I love my spouse or not.
Speaker A:Love is not a feeling.
Speaker A:Love is a decision.
Speaker A:So we're best friends not because we feel like best friends today, because we choose to be best friends today.
Speaker A:We are committed to for the long haul.
Speaker A:We're committed to the end of the line.
Speaker A:We're just like Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.
Speaker A:To the end of the line, man.
Speaker A:To the end of the line.
Speaker B:Right with you.
Speaker B:To the end of the line.
Speaker A:To the end of the line.
Speaker A:We're committed to each other.
Speaker A:To the end of the line.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Hey, if you need prayer, we would love to pray for you and with you.
Speaker A:So drop us a line at inspiringmarriages at AT&T net and we will be honored to pray with you.
Speaker A:Until next time.
Speaker A:Remember, husband and wife are friends for.
