Leading with Love: A Humble Husband's Guide
Husbands, are you ready to lead from humility? We’re diving into how showing selfless love can totally transform your marriage. Humility isn’t about being a pushover; it’s about recognizing your wife's worth and putting her needs first. We’ll chat about practical ways to build each other up with words of affirmation and some good old-fashioned acts of service—because who doesn’t love a spontaneous foot rub, right? So, let’s roll up our sleeves and explore how these little acts of love can deepen your connection and keep those sparks flying!
Diving into the heart of marriage, this episode shines a light on the power of humility in a husband's role. You know, humility isn't about being a pushover or a doormat; nah, it's about strength wrapped in grace, putting your partner first, and being open to learning. We chat about how, in everyday life, husbands can lead from a place of humility that strengthens the marriage bond. Think of those little moments when you could choose to argue just to prove a point, but instead, you pause, listen, and aim to understand. It's about recognizing that your wife is not just your partner; she's your equal, with her own thoughts and feelings. And when you lead with humility, it opens the door to deeper emotional intimacy and connection. So, grab a snack, kick back, and let’s explore how to build a thriving marriage together, one humble step at a time!
Takeaways:
- Husbands can lead from humility by recognizing their wives as equals with unique perspectives.
- Practicing humility means listening and being open to learning from one another in marriage.
- Words are powerful; how you speak to your wife can either strengthen or weaken your bond.
- To cultivate humility in marriage, prioritize expressing gratitude and appreciation for your partner regularly.
- Serving your spouse selflessly, without seeking recognition, is a true sign of humility and love.
- Prayer together fosters spiritual growth and humility, deepening your connection as a couple.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Welcome to Inspiring Marriages where we dive deep into making marriages stronger and more fulfilling.
Speaker A:Today we're tackling a topic how husbands have to lead from humility.
Speaker A:Humility isn't about being weak or passive.
Speaker A:It's about having strength under control, putting others before yourself, and being open to growth.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:So let's explore what it looks like in practical, everyday moments of your marriage.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields and we are thrilled to have you with us today.
Speaker A:That music you heard in our intro, that is the wonderful work of our son, Joseph Taylor Fields.
Speaker B:We've been happily married for an amazing 33 years.
Speaker B:Along the way, we've been blessed with three incredible grown children, a fantastic son in law, and the most precious grandbaby you can imagine.
Speaker A:Get ready to be inspired as you open about our journey.
Speaker A:Our mission is to ignite a spark in couples everywhere.
Speaker B:We're all about nurturing deep friendships and cultivating marriages that thrive in every way spiritually, emotionally, romantically and physically.
Speaker B:Join us on this incredible adventure.
Speaker A:Be sure to check out our website@inspiringmarriages.net Dive into all the previous episodes with detailed show notes that will enrich your listening experience.
Speaker B:Plus, scroll down to find our Keep in Touch section where you can sign up and receive our latest offerings absolutely free.
Speaker B:Don't miss out on the inspiration.
Speaker B:Visit us today.
Speaker A:First things first.
Speaker A:Humility starts in the heart.
Speaker A:It's recognizing that your wife isn't just your partner.
Speaker A:She's an equal with her own perspectives, experiences and needs.
Speaker A:You don't always have to have all the answers or win every debate.
Speaker A:Humility is being willing to listen, learn and acknowledge when you're wrong.
Speaker A:Rick Warren said, humility is not thinking less of yourself is thinking of yourself less.
Speaker B:I really like that.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker A:Here's a challenge to both men and women.
Speaker A:The next time when there's a disagreement, pause and think.
Speaker A:Is my goal to understand my spouse or am I trying to prove my point?
Speaker A:Asking yourself this question can change the whole tone of the conversation in a big way.
Speaker B:That is so true.
Speaker B:I really like that because men and women are so different that it's really easy to be trying to make a point and kind of as you're doing it, realize I'm kind of talking at my spouse.
Speaker B:I'm not talking in a way to discover what this person is thinking and feeling or how are they reacting to what I'm saying or my perspective.
Speaker B:And sometimes we don't even give our spouse a chance to express their perspective.
Speaker B:We're just talking and Talking.
Speaker B:So this is really helpful, Jeff.
Speaker B:I like this to check yourself.
Speaker B:You know, a lot of times the Lord tells me, check in with me before you say something, because if I do, then my motive is going to be corrected before words come out of my mouth that I wish I hadn't said.
Speaker B:You know, I don't want to talk at you.
Speaker B:I want to talk with you and understand you better when we're discussing something.
Speaker A:It is so good.
Speaker A:Our basis for our emotional intimacy series is Ephesians 5:25, where Paul commanded the husbands to selflessly love, love their wives, just as Christ loved the Church.
Speaker A:We're talking about today about leading from humility in marriage.
Speaker A:And one way that husbands can do this lead in their marriage is to speak words to build their wives up.
Speaker A:Words are powerful.
Speaker A:The way you speak to and about your wife can either strengthen your bond or chip away at it.
Speaker A:Let's go way back into the Garden of Eden.
Speaker A:Now when, when God made Adam formed Adam and then he brought all the, all the animals of the earth towards him to see what he would name.
Speaker A:He named.
Speaker A:And there was not found a helper or suitable companion for Adam.
Speaker A:So Adam was put into a deep sleep.
Speaker A:And God took out of Adam Eve and fashioned Eve out of the substance he took out of Adam and presented her to him.
Speaker A:And when he saw her, he said at last, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.
Speaker A:So Adam with his words accepted Eve as his wife as the Father presented her to him.
Speaker A:But we see that later on in the garden when Eve was beguiled or tricked by the enemy.
Speaker A:That's right, Satan to partake of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Speaker A:It wasn't the tree of knowledge.
Speaker A:And once she partook of it and then Adam partook of it, then when the Father asked Adam what happened, he said, is that woman you gave me?
Speaker A:So you can see how powerful words are.
Speaker A:And you just think how different the world history would have been if after Eve had partake of the fruit, if Adam said, let's go to the Father, right, let's go to the Father.
Speaker A:Let's get this taken care of.
Speaker A:As there's some, some, there's some sort of redemption available.
Speaker A:And I believe there would have been some redemption available for Eve that when that happened.
Speaker A:So husbands, your words have a great effect upon your.
Speaker A:Your wife.
Speaker A:Ephesians 5:26 says so that he might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word of God.
Speaker A:Now that's how it's talking about how the marriage of a husband and wife is a symbolic of Jesus Christ and the church.
Speaker A:And he said that Jesus sanctified the church, cleansed her with the washing of water and the word of God.
Speaker A:Similarly, husbands can do this with their wives.
Speaker A:So, husbands, you.
Speaker A:What's the last time you gave your wife a spiritual bath where you in humbleness, you look at her and you speak what the word of God says about her and speak over her and prophesy over her, pulling out the talents and the gifts that she has and just building her up and speaking to her that she is the handmaiden of the Lord.
Speaker A:She is quick to hear.
Speaker A:She is a wisdom and everything that she puts her hands to prospers.
Speaker A:Whenever was the last time you spoke to your wife?
Speaker A:Now, in the natural, if, if your wife hasn't had a bath in a month, it's.
Speaker A:It would be noticeable.
Speaker A:But when have you.
Speaker A:How often do you give your wife a bath in the word of God speaking blessings over her and speaking to her and speaking over her.
Speaker A:So a man of humility, you lead in humility by you.
Speaker A:Don't say woman, submit to me.
Speaker A:Don't you know I'm your husband?
Speaker A:You must submit to me.
Speaker A:Don't you know who I am?
Speaker A:No, you don't do that.
Speaker A:A husband in humility speaks to his wife, speaks the word of God over her, to build her up.
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker A:Isn't that true, Teresa?
Speaker B:That's very true.
Speaker B:It really is encouraging and like you said, builds her up.
Speaker B:The most important thing is for not just her heart to be touched, but her spirit to be touched.
Speaker B:Because that's the way God talks to a woman or God talks to any of his children.
Speaker B:He's always speaking life.
Speaker B:He's always speaking what he sees your potential is and how he created you and what he's created you to do.
Speaker B:And when a husband can speak over his wife that way, you know, I see you just.
Speaker B:Just mastering this skill or I see you as such a, you know, great mother to the children and someone who, who prepares our household for company or, you know, just calling out the gifts and the.
Speaker B:The strengths that she has.
Speaker B:And like you said, that everything she puts her hands to prospers.
Speaker B:That's something that I've wanted to believe in my life myself for many years.
Speaker B:And, you know, it's in the scripture.
Speaker B:And if he comes and says that to me, I'm like, all right, I'm going to set my hands to more things.
Speaker B:I mean, it really spurns us on to be more creative.
Speaker B:More productive.
Speaker B:And not because you're saying, you ought to be doing this, you ought to be doing that.
Speaker B:No, he's.
Speaker B:He's calling on and drawing out those gifts and those strengths and the beauty that's in the wife that's, that's so powerful.
Speaker B:And the word of God is full of life.
Speaker B:There is nothing that has more life in it than the word of God.
Speaker B:It is full of life and it brings forth life.
Speaker B:That's how God created everything with words.
Speaker B:He didn't say, earth, you're so, you're so ugly and you don't have anything good about.
Speaker B:He said, earth, you're producing right now, seeds, and you're producing plants and you're producing animals.
Speaker B:And he was telling things to be created with his words.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's so good.
Speaker A:Now the Bible tells us that Jesus was the second Adam.
Speaker A:So we see how the first Adam, how he, how he reacted to his wife was that woman he gave me.
Speaker A:Now the second Adam.
Speaker A:What did he do?
Speaker A:He didn't say, father, this church you gave me.
Speaker A:No, he sacrificed himself and paid the price.
Speaker A:And his Ephesians 4, 5, 26 says the amplified, he cleansed her by the washing the water, and with the word of God, he cleanses the church.
Speaker A:Practicing humility means speaking to your wife with respect, even if you, you're feeling frustrated and giving her words of affirmation regularly.
Speaker A:Here's a practical tip.
Speaker A:Make it a habit to express gratitude at the end of the day.
Speaker A:Tell her one thing you appreciated about her.
Speaker A:It doesn't have to be grand.
Speaker A:You know, we go to that day to day, we may not do anything grand, right?
Speaker A:But maybe she, she did something for the kids and she encouraged you through a tough moment.
Speaker A:Small, sincere words can build a foundation of trust and connection that's so good, it may be a meal that she prepared.
Speaker A:Maybe she made you lunch.
Speaker A:Maybe she wrote you a note, something.
Speaker A:Tell her something you appreciated that, that she did that day.
Speaker A:Another thing husbands, we must do, we must serve without expecting recognition.
Speaker A:Humility isn't just about what you say.
Speaker A:It's, it's about what you do.
Speaker A:One of the most powerful ways for husbands to serve their wives is through acts of service.
Speaker A:Now for my wife Teresa, that's, that's way up there on her love language again.
Speaker A:There's, there's a website, the five Love Languages.
Speaker A:Go there.
Speaker A:You can take a test and you know, it's not black and white.
Speaker A:I mean, there's different degrees of everything that.
Speaker A:But you can see how your spouse receives love.
Speaker A:It May be gifts and maybe time.
Speaker A:It may be touch.
Speaker A:It may be acts of service.
Speaker A:It may be words, words of affirmation.
Speaker A:But one of the greatest ways you can serve your wife is through acts of service.
Speaker A:Here's, here's, here's the most important thing.
Speaker A:Do it without expecting anything back.
Speaker A:Maybe it's washing the dishes when it's not your turn, running an errand that she's been dreading, or giving her time to relax while you take care of the kids.
Speaker A:And when you take the initiative to serve her selflessly, you're showing her that you value her well being above your own comfort.
Speaker A:Maybe you say, right now we're not going to pursue my dream, but we're going to pursue your dream.
Speaker A:Maybe you say, tonight's tonight.
Speaker A:You get a good night's sleep.
Speaker A:I'll get up and feed the baby.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Maybe.
Speaker A:Hey, tonight's tonight.
Speaker A:I'll wash the dishes.
Speaker A:You said go sit down.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Hey, I'm going to take, I'll do the laundry.
Speaker A:You sit down.
Speaker A:And just different things that you're showing your wife that you value her and even above your own comfort.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:That speaks volumes.
Speaker B:And you know, men, if you know that your greatest need is honor, like Jeff said, you're not doing these things to get something.
Speaker B:But it is so easy for a wife to show respect and honor to a husband that serves her this way.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:That's going to be our response.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:You are the best husband in the world.
Speaker B:You know, even if it's small things, it just makes her feel so much more cared for and taken care of.
Speaker B:Not that, you know, a lot of women think they need taken care of, but we like to be pampered.
Speaker B:We like to have some things taken off our plate, especially by her husband who could say, well, I've been worked all day.
Speaker B:I don't want to have to do anything when I come home.
Speaker B:But coming home and serving his wife, that's very powerful.
Speaker B:And we will be able to show honor and respect because we see that you're a real man.
Speaker B:A real man that doesn't think he's too good to do menial chores or that that's wife's work and I shouldn't have to do that.
Speaker B:You know, he's being a real man who wants to be a good, loving husband and care for his wife.
Speaker B:You know, Jesus loved the church and he's.
Speaker B:He cares for the church.
Speaker B:He cares about what concerns us.
Speaker B:He cares about, you know, what we're praying about.
Speaker B:He cares about if we're overwhelmed, you know, like a good shepherd.
Speaker B:Shepherds see what's going on with the sheep.
Speaker B:They sense when they're afraid, when they're upset, when they're.
Speaker B:When they're startled, or when they're running away from a predator or something, that he's.
Speaker B:He's aware of all these things.
Speaker B:And Jesus cares for the church that way.
Speaker B:So husbands do need to understand what's going on with your wife's heart.
Speaker B:Is she just overwhelmed with kids and work and coming home and taking care of the home?
Speaker B:And a lot of women are.
Speaker B:They're juggling, like, three jobs and the husband has one job, and she's just completely stressed out, you know, at the end of every day.
Speaker B:And it shouldn't be that way.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:You know, if husbands are aware of caring for their wives and loving them and wanting to.
Speaker B:To serve them and minister to them, that's.
Speaker B:That's so, so powerful.
Speaker B:I just love that concept, you know?
Speaker B:And what we're saying is to be imitators of Jesus, the way he loves us, the way he cares for us and ministers to us.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:St.
Speaker A:Augustine said, there's something in humility, which, strangely enough, exhaust the heart, and something in pride, which debases it.
Speaker B:That is.
Speaker B:That is so true.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Now, husbands, you got to be willing to apologize and to forgive.
Speaker A:Humility means you must be the first one to apologize when you messed up.
Speaker A:There's no excuses, no justifications.
Speaker A:Well, I'm under a lot of pressure.
Speaker A:No excuses, no justifications.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Just a simple I'm wrong and I'm sorry.
Speaker A:It also means being ready to forgive her when she makes mistakes, even if it's not easy.
Speaker A:There's a song Paul McCartney wrote yesterday.
Speaker A:It's been covered by a lot of people.
Speaker A:Sinatra, Elvis, a bunch.
Speaker A:And I think one time he asked his staff to get together all the top covers of yesterday, and he listened to him from all these great artists.
Speaker A:He said, there's one line they say wrong.
Speaker A:Why she had to go, I don't know.
Speaker A:She wouldn't say.
Speaker A:I must have said something wrong.
Speaker A:That's what the Elvis said.
Speaker A:Sinatra said.
Speaker A:Paul Carney said, no, it's why she had to go.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:She wouldn't say, I said something wrong.
Speaker A:He said, they won't own up to it.
Speaker A:You got to own up to it.
Speaker A:You got to say, be able to say, I.
Speaker A:I'm sorry, I was wrong.
Speaker A:And just so you can move on, there's no justification.
Speaker A:Holding on to pride.
Speaker A:In these moments can create a wedge between you.
Speaker A:Humility, on the other hand, it can tear down walls and bring you closer together.
Speaker A:Yes, that's what you want.
Speaker A:You don't want a wall here.
Speaker A:You want that wall be torn down.
Speaker A:So pride will keep that offense going.
Speaker B:Oh, definitely.
Speaker A:And humility will tear it down.
Speaker A:So, guys, you got to be willing to apologize first and move on and forgive.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Even if you didn't say something wrong, it's good to apologize for the whole scenario, the arguing, the misunderstanding, whatever it was.
Speaker B:And if men can humble themselves that way, your wife will rise to that occasion and be able to give a humble response.
Speaker B:But if men are prideful and they're just saying, well, it had to be your fault, you know, or you said something wrong, a wife is not going to react very well to that.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:It's like he said, it just keeps the argument going.
Speaker B:It does create a wedge because strife and contention break down communication.
Speaker B:They break down connection.
Speaker B:We've talked so much about intimacy, mental and emotional intimacy.
Speaker B:These areas get broken down pretty quickly with strife and.
Speaker B:And it's like you can't even get close to connecting because that wall gets built and there hurt feelings and there's anger and so many things.
Speaker B:Because we are complex beings.
Speaker B:You know, we're.
Speaker B:We are three part beings.
Speaker B:And you can't just ignore that you're going to have feelings if there was a disagreement.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Or that you're not seeing things the same way.
Speaker B:So that's got to be worked through with humility before communication, before intimacy can be restored.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:Darlene Shat from www.forthefamily.org those who exercise humility take up their cross daily by laying down desire of the flesh for the good of another.
Speaker A:So sometimes, you know, your flesh, you know, we, we.
Speaker A:You are a spirit.
Speaker A:You live in a body.
Speaker B:You have a soul.
Speaker A:You have a soul.
Speaker A:That soul likes to have its own way.
Speaker A:So something.
Speaker A:So you have to.
Speaker A:Jesus talked about taking up your cross daily.
Speaker A:It really was.
Speaker A:You got to push down those fleshly desires, right, by sacrificing yourself daily for the good of another.
Speaker A:And that's doubly true in a marriage.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:And it doesn't mean.
Speaker B:We've said this before.
Speaker B:Humility does not mean you're a doormat for the other person.
Speaker A:No, we're not talking about a toxic, no abusive relationship at all.
Speaker A:No, we're not talking about that.
Speaker A:We are.
Speaker A:We are not talking about a toxic, abusive relationship.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:We are talking about a union, a marriage where Both husband and wife are striving to be the best husband and wife that they can be.
Speaker A:And we're not talking about abuse and we're not talking about a toxic relationship.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:We're just talking about getting your selfishness dealt with.
Speaker B:You know, deal with it with the Lord every day.
Speaker B:You know, take authority over the way you think and your emotions.
Speaker B:Those things cannot just be allowed to run and run and run rampantly all day long or else.
Speaker B:You've been thinking on a lot of stuff that's not wholesome, that's not helpful to your spiritual life, to your mental and emotional life.
Speaker B:It's certainly not going to be helpful in your marriage.
Speaker B:And a lot of things that we think on do stir up emotions.
Speaker B:And so we've got to make sure we're thinking on the right kinds of things.
Speaker B:And this is so good.
Speaker B:You know, taking up your cross daily is saying, it's not about me, it's what do you want me to do, Lord?
Speaker B:And how can I bless my spouse?
Speaker B:How can I be a blessing?
Speaker B:How can I humble myself right, and serve my spouse?
Speaker A:And another thing husbands we can do, we can pray together.
Speaker A:Pray with your, Pray with your wife and grow spiritually.
Speaker A:Humility thrives when you're connected to something greater than yourselves.
Speaker A:That means praying together and seeking wisdom from God.
Speaker A:When you pray with and pray for your wife, you're admitting you don't have all the answers and you're inviting guidance and growth into your marriage.
Speaker A:The Bible says, you know, if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask for it.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And God gives it in large amounts.
Speaker B:When we ask, he's ready to give it generously.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:He will load you down with wisdom.
Speaker B:You ask him every day.
Speaker A:So one of our foundational friendship builders is praying together.
Speaker A:And you may just start out holding hands right before we go to sleep.
Speaker A:Lord, bless our marriage.
Speaker A:But then you can.
Speaker A:But you'll progress.
Speaker A:And we actually praying over each other.
Speaker A:Not only praying for each other, but praying over each other and speaking the same words that God has spoken in his word over your spouse.
Speaker A:So the written word is.
Speaker A:Is logos, but when you apply it, it's.
Speaker A:It's a rhema world word.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So take advantage of the wonderful gift you've been given.
Speaker A:Is the word of God to speak a blessing over your spouse?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:It's pray for and pray over your spouse.
Speaker A:Exciting news.
Speaker A:Catch our audio podcast on Apple Podcasts Spotify and Amazon podcast.
Speaker A:We would love to hear your thoughts.
Speaker A:So please leave us a review do you prefer watching?
Speaker A:Head on over to YouTube and search for the Inspiring Marriages channel to see us in action.
Speaker A:And for the ultimate convenience, listen with your smart device.
Speaker A:Just say siri, play the Inspiring Marriages podcast.
Speaker A:Join us wherever and however you prefer to Tune in this week's Friendship Builder.
Speaker A:So this week's Friendship Builder as we are enhancing our intimacy.
Speaker A:Husbands, give your wife a foot rub.
Speaker A:Now you can.
Speaker A:A lot of times we'll do this while we're watching television and we'll just get a nice soft pillow and we'll get like a towel because of the lotion and you can get like skin cream or skin lotion or if you have a good enough towel, you can get some oil, massage oil and just take your time and just treat her feet to a, a nice, a nice relaxed now.
Speaker A:It's not a deep tissue massage.
Speaker A:You're not cracking her toes, you're not popping her ankles.
Speaker A:No, you're just rubbing those feet that she's been on all day and just giving her a treat where you just, and you watch a video of how to rub feet and just learn some techniques and just gently massage your foot and just give her a treat and she'll be happy.
Speaker B:Oh, yes, it's great stress relief.
Speaker A:And I know when she falls asleep, I've done a great job.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:That can happen.
Speaker A:Which is okay.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So give your wife a foot rub.
Speaker B:Stay connected with us across all platforms.
Speaker B:Join our vibrant community on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
Speaker B:Make sure to like, follow and subscribe for the latest updates and behind the scenes moments.
Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast.
Speaker A:And if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:Remember, humility isn't something you perfect overnight.
Speaker A:It's a daily choice.
Speaker A:It's an ongoing journey.
Speaker A:But every small take you take towards humility strengthens your marriage and shows your wife just how much you cherish her.
Speaker A:Next week, we're going to dive into another aspect of selfless love.
Speaker A:The first.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for watching.
Speaker A:Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and check out some of our other videos for more insights and tips and we'll see you next time.
Speaker A:And remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
