Drop the Ego, Save the Love: Why Spouses MUST Let Go of Pride
Pride has no place in a thriving marriage, and today, we're getting right into why letting go of that ego is the ticket to a stronger bond. Seriously, pride can sneak in and chip away at even the best relationships, leaving a trail of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. But fear not! We're here to dish out the good stuff on how dropping the pride can lead to deeper connections and trust. Together, we're talking about resolving conflicts like a pro and growing as a team. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's dive into the magic of humility in marriage!
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Pride can quietly wreak havoc on even the strongest marriages, and it’s time we address that head-on! Today, we’re diving into why spouses must let go of pride and how doing so can transform your relationship. We kick things off with a heartfelt reminder that humility isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s essential for building trust and creating a safe space where both partners feel valued. If you’re tired of the emotional rollercoaster that pride can cause, stick around! We’ll share practical tips to help you drop the ego and save the love. Think of it as a marriage detox!
Throughout our chat, we explore the impacts of pride on communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution. We emphasize that true love looks like selflessness—putting your partner's needs first, just like Ephesians 5:25 encourages husbands to love their wives selflessly. Let’s face it: nobody wants to be the one always keeping score or winning the argument. We’ll help you see that when one partner wins, both lose. Instead, we’ll guide you to create a collaborative atmosphere where both of you can thrive together. So grab your favorite coffee, and let’s get to work on those relationship goals!
Takeaways:
- Pride can slowly eat away at even the strongest marriages, creating distance and hurt feelings.
- Humility helps build trust and creates a safe space for both partners to feel heard and valued.
- Letting go of pride allows you to resolve conflicts more effectively and find loving solutions together.
- Walking in humility strengthens emotional intimacy, creating a deeper connection between partners.
- Every solution in a marriage should prioritize your spouse's well-being over your own desires.
- When pride is replaced with humility, couples can heal and grow stronger as a team.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Inspiring Marriages
- Joseph Taylor Fields
- Jerry Savelle
- Francis Chan
- Dave Willis
Transcript
Drop the ego, Save the Love why Spouses Must Let Go of Pride welcome to Inspire Marriages Podcast where we dive deep into making marriages stronger and more fulfilling.
Speaker A:Today, we're taking on a topic that might hit too close to home, why spouses must let go of pride so.
Speaker B:Pride can quietly erode even the strongest relationships, leaving hurt feelings and distance in its wake.
Speaker B:But don't worry, we're here to help.
Speaker A:Stick with us as we explore how dropping the ego can pave the way for deeper connection, understanding and lasting love in your marriage.
Speaker B:Grab a cup of coffee, take a deep breath, and let's transform your relationship together.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields and we are three thrilled to have you with us today.
Speaker A:That music you heard in our intro, that's the brilliant work of our son, Joseph Taylor Fields.
Speaker B:We've been happily married for an amazing 33 years.
Speaker B:Along the way, we've been blessed with three incredible grown children, a fantastic son in law, and the most precious grandbaby you can imagine.
Speaker A:Get ready to be inspired as you open up about our journey on.
Speaker A:Our desire is to ignite a spark in couples everywhere.
Speaker B:We are all about nurturing deep friendships and cultivating marriages that thrive in every way spiritually, emotionally, romantically and physically.
Speaker B:Join us on this incredible adventure.
Speaker A:Be sure to check out our website@inspiringmarriages.com net dive into all of our previous episodes with detailed show notes that will enhance your listening experience.
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Speaker B:Don't miss out on the inspiration.
Speaker B:Visit us today.
Speaker A:As Dr.
Speaker A:Jerry Savelle often reminded us, God is a champion of making winners in life.
Speaker A:Similarly, marriage stands as a powerful reflection of God's dedication and devotion to shaping victorious lives through love and unity.
Speaker A:God's desire for you is to have a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And we've been going over Ephesians 5:25 in this series and today we're going to hear it in the amplified translation.
Speaker B:Husbands, love your wives, seek the highest good for her, and surround her with a caring, unselfish love.
Speaker B:Just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Speaker A:And we saw that word unselfish love is the Greek word agape, which is selfless love.
Speaker A:And we talked about how Jesus showed His love by walking in forgiveness, being humble.
Speaker A:And so today we're still talking about humble.
Speaker A:So this is a commandment to the husbands to selflessly love their wives.
Speaker A:And the voice.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I love the voice translation which says love Your wife deeply, purely and sacrificially.
Speaker A:I just love that.
Speaker A:So that was a commandment to, to the husbands to love their wives selflessly.
Speaker A:And we were, we talked, we were talking about how to do that and.
Speaker A:But pride is the opposite of being humble.
Speaker A:Right, Theresa?
Speaker B:It certainly is.
Speaker A:So pride on the other side, pride will keep you from loving your spouse selflessly.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And, you know, if you just boil it down, pride is just selfishness.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Focus on self, putting yourself first.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And just having places where I don't want you to try to fix me, or I don't want to change, or I don't want God to get in that area and work on me.
Speaker B:So that is pride.
Speaker B:But it's going to cause a lot of problems.
Speaker A:It could cause so many problems in relationship, not only with your spouse, but with your children.
Speaker A:It just can affect your life so much if you're unwilling to change.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Unwilling to, to humble yourself unto the truth of the Bible.
Speaker A:Really?
Speaker A:Jesus, it talks about him being humble and he was humble to the truth of the scriptures.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So it wasn't like, oh, I'm so, I'm so unworthy.
Speaker A:I'm just so.
Speaker A:I'm such a worm.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:No one wants to listen to me teach.
Speaker A:It wasn't anything like that.
Speaker A:He was humble unto the truth and submitted himself to the truth.
Speaker A:So as husbands, we're being humble if we submit ourselves to the, to the commandments that Paul gave us through Ephesians 5:25, to selflessly love our spouses, love our wives.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:But pride will keep you from doing that.
Speaker A:We want to talk today about why spouses must let go of pride.
Speaker A:Humility builds trust.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Humility creates a safe place where both partners feel loved and heard and valued.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That is so true.
Speaker B:That means, you know, you're going to listen to your spouse, you're not going to treat them like their feelings or their thoughts are not important or not as good as yours.
Speaker B:You know, you don't always have a better idea.
Speaker B:That would be prideful to just discount what your spouse is trying to talk to you about or if they're trying to share feelings or how about if we do something this way instead of the way we've always done it.
Speaker B:That requires humility to really value their feelings and their thoughts and help them feel like they're heard.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's so important.
Speaker B:I know for a wife, that is super important.
Speaker A:Your spouse needs to feel valued and heard.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:But building trust, it doesn't happen day one on the honeymoon.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It takes time to build trust.
Speaker B:It does.
Speaker A:It takes time to create a safe place where you both feel valued.
Speaker A:And heard we talked about before, your marriage has to be a safe place for your spouse to speak up and to share anything that they need to share with you without fear of being penalized or dismissed or rejected.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:And like you said, that trust has to be rebuilt.
Speaker B:If a person has felt like they're not valued, like they're not heard, you've got to rebuild that trust.
Speaker B:Hopefully you had some trust established before you got married because there was a friendship.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:For the romance, and you maintained that.
Speaker B:But if a person has been hurt and if they've been withdrawing or there's been fighting or arguing, it does take some time, and it takes humility on the part of both people to rebuild that trust.
Speaker B:And like you said, create that safe space again where, okay, we have to put all the weapons down.
Speaker B:And when we set a time to come together and talk about whatever the situation is, then we've got to put personal feelings aside and discuss it.
Speaker B:You know, listen to each other and be open and humble in our communication.
Speaker A:That is so good, Theresa.
Speaker A:You're exactly right.
Speaker A:During a courtship, that is.
Speaker A:That is a perfect time to build trust.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker A:And, you know, so that's.
Speaker A:That's the time you need to work out, you know, what does.
Speaker A:What does that mean to you?
Speaker A:What does a safe place look like to you?
Speaker A:And work that out in your intern, your courtship.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And maybe one of you is not used to showing humility or.
Speaker A:And it just.
Speaker A:It takes.
Speaker A:It's a learning.
Speaker A:It's a learning process to throw down that pride.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Put that pride down where it belongs.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:Especially if someone's been single a long time.
Speaker B:They're very used to doing things the way that he or she does it.
Speaker B:And, you know, when another person is involved, that doesn't always work anymore.
Speaker B:You can't just, well, this is my time to be with my friends.
Speaker B:And your spouse may say, well, this should be our time together, not time with friends for hours and hours.
Speaker B:Whatever it is, you know, you can't just carry on the way you did before you got married.
Speaker B:Both people have to make adjustments and make sacrifices because we've been talking about that agape love is sacrificial, and that is a part of humility.
Speaker B:You know, sacrificing what you want and putting the other person's wants and needs ahead of your own.
Speaker A:Francis Chan Says, more than any other attribute of Jesus, humility is the key to a healthy marriage.
Speaker A:If two people can make it their goal to imitate the humility of Christ, everything else will take care of itself.
Speaker A:As Francis Chan.
Speaker B:That's so amazing.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:Make it our goal, each of us, to imitate the humility of Christ.
Speaker B:And he is our example in everything that's so powerful.
Speaker A:Another way that humility helps us is it helps us resolve conflicts.
Speaker A:Letting go of the need to win an argument opens the door to productive and loving solutions.
Speaker A:So we don't want to win an argument with our spouse, right?
Speaker A:You don't want to win.
Speaker A:You don't want your spouse to lose, because when your spouse loses, you lose.
Speaker A:You don't.
Speaker A:You don't want that.
Speaker A:What you want to do is coming into a loving and productive solution to a conflict.
Speaker A:You don't want to defeat your spouse.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:It should come out to be best for both people.
Speaker B:Whatever the solution is, and it may not be reached in just one conversation.
Speaker B:You got to be willing to listen, to talk, to pray together, ask God for wisdom and insight about a situation.
Speaker B:Because it could be something big like, you know, financial situation or something involving the children or an area of your marriage where you just seem to, you know, not be able to.
Speaker B:To make progress or you're not understanding each other, that, that may take some time to come to that loving, productive solution.
Speaker B:So this is a walk of humility.
Speaker B:It's not like, okay, I'll be just humble for these five minutes while we talk about this, and, and then, you know, after that, you're on your own.
Speaker B:We don't want it to be like that because, you know, living, you know, sacrificially like, like Jesus did, is always humbling yourself.
Speaker B:If you feel that anger or you feel that pride rising up, you've got to run to God, you know, and run to the scripture and let God deal with that in you.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker B:Because it is no good for your marriage, believe me.
Speaker B:It does not help to win arguments.
Speaker B:It does not help to put down your spouse.
Speaker B:It doesn't help to be always getting your way.
Speaker B:That is just, like you said, so detrimental in a marriage.
Speaker B:And the other person feels like they don't have a say, they don't have a voice.
Speaker B:So resolving conflict is going to take a lot of give and take and a lot of listening and laying down your pride, laying down what you think is right and being willing to come to a solution.
Speaker B:And it can take some time Right.
Speaker A:Let me tell you something, guys.
Speaker A:Let me give you a pro tip.
Speaker A:If the solution is not best for your spouse, your wife, then it's not the best for you.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:The solution has to be the best for her.
Speaker A:And let's just say it, let's say like that every solution should benefit your wife the most.
Speaker A:And that's, that's the way it is.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker A:How do you feel about that?
Speaker B:Oh, I would, I love it.
Speaker B:I think all the wives would say amen.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:So, guys, any solution has to favor your wife.
Speaker A:It has to.
Speaker A:And if you're going to walk in humility, you're going to walk in selfless love towards your spouse.
Speaker A:Every solution has to benefit your spouse the most.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's not like, well, I should be able to work late and you're just going to have to rough it, you know, whatever it is, that's not going to benefit your wife.
Speaker B:And of course, wives, we want to respect our husbands.
Speaker B:If he is endeavoring to humble himself and come to a solution with you, that's for the, for both of you to have the best outcome, then be humble and, and honor him in that.
Speaker B:Don't you know?
Speaker B:Well, you just need to make a decision.
Speaker B:You know, you don't want to take that attitude or I don't care.
Speaker B:I don't care.
Speaker B:You just, you just tell me what to do.
Speaker B:That's not really helpful.
Speaker B:Honor your husband and support him in working with you so you can both work this out together.
Speaker B:And of course, ask the Lord for his help and his guidance.
Speaker B:We want it to be a blessing to the marriage.
Speaker B:Any kind of decision that you come to, to resolve conflict, it should be a blessing to your marriage.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Ephesians 4:2 and Amplified says with all humility, forsaking self righteousness and gentleness, maintaining self control with patience, bearing with one another in unselfish love.
Speaker A:Ephesians 4:2, amplified.
Speaker A:So that's the word agape again.
Speaker A:That unselfish love is there again in Ephesians 4:2.
Speaker B:That's beautiful.
Speaker A:A third reason why we must put down pride is because humility strengthens our bond.
Speaker A:Now we're talking about emotional intimacy.
Speaker A:We've been talking about different areas of intimacy, intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical.
Speaker A:How as you enhance one area of intimacy, it really enhances all areas of intimacy.
Speaker A:And humility is one way of strengthening emotional intimacy.
Speaker A:And it strengthens the bond between you and your spouse.
Speaker A:When both spouses embrace humility, it fosters a deep connection and partnership that Is so good.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker A:So if you want to feel close to your spouse, walk in humility.
Speaker A:Work on all the four areas of intimacy, but especially walking in humility.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker B:And you can have that deeper connection when your, your trust is being built or rebuilt.
Speaker B:I mean that it all goes back to these basics like trust and friendship and kindness to one another.
Speaker B:That is walking in humility.
Speaker B:You know, I want what's best for my spouse, not just what's best for me.
Speaker B:So the way that God set this up, you know, you seek the good of others ahead of yourself.
Speaker B:You will have your needs met, you will be blessed.
Speaker B:But don't put yourself first.
Speaker B:Be humble and, and help that connection, you know, like, like the wife, you know, instead of being prideful and just saying, you just do something, come with ideas and come with creativity into, you know, these situations and be willing to say I love you no matter how this comes out.
Speaker B:You know, our marriage is the most important thing.
Speaker B:It's not this situation being right.
Speaker B:It's help our marriage to be stronger, help us to be closer.
Speaker B:That should be our desire.
Speaker B:We humble ourselves before God so that he can help our marriage to be beautiful, to be strong, to continue to grow deeper and deeper.
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:So if you feel like there's a something lacking in your connection or just say something is or something's just not, not right with your partnership, do self examination and examine.
Speaker A:Where are you in all the four areas of intimacy?
Speaker A:Where are you in intellectual intimacy?
Speaker A:Where are you in spiritual intimacy?
Speaker A:Where are you in physical intimacy?
Speaker A:Where are you in emotion intimacy?
Speaker A:How are you walking in forgiveness?
Speaker A:Are you walking in humility?
Speaker A:And just try to find where is, is it.
Speaker A:There's a, a disconnection.
Speaker B:Yes, that's good.
Speaker A:Husbands know one of the main needs of your wife is security.
Speaker A:She needs to know that she is connected to you and she needs to feel connected to you and she needs to feel close to you.
Speaker A:And I know you don't have those same feelings and that same need.
Speaker A:You don't have that need to feel connected.
Speaker A:But your wife does need to feel connected.
Speaker A:And wives, your husband needs to feel honored and respected.
Speaker A:That's how he feels close to you when you honor and respect him.
Speaker A:So that's how the two, two sides of the same coin, I guess how they work.
Speaker B:So yes, it does work.
Speaker B:It's so good.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So that's.
Speaker A:So both husbands and wife really need to do exactly and talk about it.
Speaker A:You know, you should be able to talk about.
Speaker A:We Talked about having a safe place or safe space in your marriage where you say, honey, I'm just not feeling a deep connection to you.
Speaker A:Can we figure out what's going on?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And just kind of set aside time just really to explore what's.
Speaker A:Where are we not connecting?
Speaker A:Where are we not feeling a partnership?
Speaker A:Where's.
Speaker A:Where's.
Speaker A:Where is the.
Speaker A:The wall or what is the hindrance?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And it makes me think of.
Speaker B:It's so easy in life to.
Speaker B:For the husband or the wife to be just trying to deal with a situation themselves, himself or herself, not share the burden of that or just share what's going on with the spouse.
Speaker B:Like, you know, I'm taking care of it.
Speaker B:I got.
Speaker B:I got to do this or I got to do that, or, you know, pressures at work or.
Speaker B:Or for the white.
Speaker B:Pressures at her job or things going on with the kids.
Speaker B:You know, I bring that up because that all affects the marriage.
Speaker A:Yes, it does.
Speaker B:You know, you can't just say, it's just the marriage.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to do with job or kids or any of those other outside things.
Speaker B:Well, they do create stresses on each person and both people.
Speaker B:And if there's just something you're not sharing with your spouse that's going on in your life, they're going to say, what's going on?
Speaker B:You seem distant or you seem agitated, or you just seem like you don't feel, you know, emotional around me.
Speaker B:Like, you know, where's that spark?
Speaker B:Where's that romance?
Speaker B:And a lot of times it is.
Speaker B:It's just that we need to share something with our spouse instead of just trying to handle it ourselves.
Speaker B:Or you might say, oh, it's just me and God we're taking care of.
Speaker B:You know, talk about it with your spouse.
Speaker A:Don't try to just deal with it.
Speaker B:Right, right.
Speaker A:Theresa said, just don't.
Speaker A:I just need to deal with it.
Speaker A:No, you need to go to your spouse and work and carry it together, fight it together.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:You have.
Speaker A:God has given you a wonderful gift.
Speaker A:God has given you a prayer partner and your spouse the best prayer partner you could ever have in the entire world.
Speaker A:Don't neglect the gifts that God has given you.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:The main gift is your spouse.
Speaker A:Dave Willis says, pride poisons, but humility heals.
Speaker A:So pride is like a poison that can infect a marriage.
Speaker A:But humility is what helps bring healing to the marriage.
Speaker A:So if you're feeling a sense of disconnection or just some.
Speaker A:There's something.
Speaker A:Something's Wrong here.
Speaker A:Humility is is what's going to bring healing to your marriage.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker B:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker A:So pride can keep you from loving your spouse selflessly, but humility, it will let you love your spouse spouse selflessly.
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Speaker A:Join us wherever and however you prefer to tune in this week's Friendship Builder so this week's Friendship Builder, Teresa, is talk about your dreams and brainstorms for ideas of how you can help your spouse realize their dreams.
Speaker A:So both of you talk about your dreams.
Speaker A:Now it might be a dream that you have, it might be a dream that you both have and then brainstorm for ideas how you can help your spouse or help yourselves realize your dreams.
Speaker A:Maybe you want to get a degree, maybe you want to get training in a different line of work.
Speaker A:Maybe you want to take up a hobby.
Speaker A:Maybe you want to get involved in some volunteer work.
Speaker A:It just there's so many dreams that you might, maybe it's a trip you want to take.
Speaker A:So it's just so many dreams can be in so many different areas.
Speaker A:I don't want to pigeonhole anybody, but you need to be able to talk about your dreams.
Speaker A:Maybe it's a different house or maybe it's a renovation for your house or maybe some kind of improvement.
Speaker A:Maybe it's something about your children, about, you know, their education or training that they might, they might need.
Speaker A:So talk about those, those dreams and just brainstorm with for ideas how you both can help each other realize those dreams.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker B:So in our case, we've been kind of dreaming about doing some bathroom renovations in our house.
Speaker B:Just long time needing to be done.
Speaker B:We have original fixtures and original tile in our master bath, just for starters.
Speaker B:So it's taken a while and we've gone over things that we like, things we don't like and you know, just kind of shopped and looked gotten, you know, some inspiration and, and now it's like the dream is going to finally come true to get our master bathroom renovated and it's going to be so beautiful.
Speaker B:And so we kind of joke about are we going to love it or list it kind of thing like the TV show.
Speaker B:But really it helped because we talked about it long before this was taking place now and and it was fun.
Speaker B:It was like a little adventure to brainstorm the ideas and get creative and think about what we really want and come to those conclusions together.
Speaker B:So it wasn't like a problem to solve, but in a way it was kind of like solving this problem of very outdated bathroom.
Speaker B:So it was fun.
Speaker B:We enjoyed it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So talk about your dreams and brainstorm for ideas.
Speaker B:Stay connected with us across all platforms.
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Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast.
Speaker A:And if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:Pride has no place in a thriving marriage.
Speaker A:By confronting it head on, you not only strengthen your bond, but you also build a foundation of trust.
Speaker A:You resolve conflicts more efficiently, and you go stronger together as a team.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:So next week we'll dive into practical steps that you can take to cultivate humility and deepen your connection with your spouse.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for watching.
Speaker A:Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and check out some of our other videos for more tips and insights.
Speaker A:And we'll see you next time.
Speaker A:And remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
