Pride Takes the Wheel: Signs of Low Humility in Marriage
Low humility in marriage can really put a damper on the love vibes, and we're breaking it down today! We're diving into the top signs that your humility might be on vacation—like getting all defensive when your partner offers some constructive criticism or just flat-out ignoring their needs. Ever found yourself stubbornly insisting on your own way? Yeah, that's another red flag waving in the wind. We’ll chat about how withdrawing affection can creep in when things get rough and how one-sided conversations can make you feel more like roommates than soulmates. So, grab your favorite drink, kick back, and let’s explore how to keep our marriages thriving with a splash of humility!
Jumping right into the nitty-gritty of low humility in marriage, we explore some telltale signs that might have you shaking your head in recognition. Ever noticed how defensiveness can turn a simple conversation into a full-blown argument? Yup, that’s symptom number one! Instead of being open to feedback, it’s like putting up a fortress around your heart. We joke about how this behavior is more common than a cat video on the internet! Moving on, we discuss the struggle many face in acknowledging mistakes. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth, but for some, it’s like trying to scale Mount Everest. We talk about how this pride can keep couples from healing and moving forward. Then there's the classic case of one-sided conversations. When one partner dominates the dialogue, the other can feel like a mere spectator in their own life. We share tips on how to flip the script and ensure both voices are heard. So, whether you’re married or just in a relationship, tune in and let’s work on our humility game together!
Takeaways:
- Recognizing defensiveness during constructive criticism is a huge step towards humility in marriage.
- Acknowledging mistakes and seeking forgiveness is essential for a healthy, thriving relationship.
- One-sided communication can create a rift; both spouses need to feel heard and valued.
- Withdrawing affection often signals deeper issues; addressing them is key to emotional intimacy.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Inspiring Marriages
- Joseph Taylor Fields
- Dr. Jerry Savelle
Transcript
When Pride Takes a Wheel.
Speaker A:The Signs of Low Humility in Marriage welcome to the Inspiring Marriages Podcast.
Speaker A:We're diving deep into an often overlooked but vital component of a thriving, healthy marriage.
Speaker A:Humility.
Speaker A:And today we're going to be talking about signs of low humility in marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:In a culture that often glorifies self promotion and being right at all costs, humility might not seem like a superpower, but trust us, it absolutely is.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields and we are thrilled to have you with us today.
Speaker A:The incredible music you heard in our intro, that's the wonderful work of our son, Joseph Taylor Fields.
Speaker B:We've been happily married for an amazing 33 years.
Speaker B:Along the way, we've been blessed with three incredible grown children, a fantastic son in law, and the most precious grandbaby you can imagine.
Speaker A:Get ready to be inspired as we open up about our journey.
Speaker A:Our mission is to ignite a spark in couples everywhere.
Speaker B:And we are all about nurturing deep friendships and cultivating marriages that thrive in every way spiritually, emotionally, romantically and physically.
Speaker B:Join us on this incredible adventure.
Speaker A:Be sure to check out our website@inspiringmarriages.net and you can dive into all the previous episodes with detailed show notes to enrich your listening experience.
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Speaker A:As Dr.
Speaker A:Jerry Savelle would often say, God is a champion of making winners in life.
Speaker A:In the same way, merit is a testament to God's commitment to making winners in life.
Speaker A:God desire for you is to have a healthy, thriving marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So we have been looking into emotional intimacy.
Speaker A:We talked about spiritual intimacy, intellectual intimacy, and now we've been talking about emotional intimacy.
Speaker A:And we have talked about how all four areas of intimacy really, as you work on one, it enriches the other.
Speaker A:The four areas, like we said before, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically.
Speaker A:And they all enhance and enrich each other.
Speaker A:And we started talking really about Ephesians 5:25 as the basis of emotional intimacy.
Speaker A:That's right, where Paul said to the husbands in ESV version, husbands love your wife, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Speaker A:And that word love is the Greek word agape, which means selfless love.
Speaker A:And so Paul was commanding the husbands or urging them greatly.
Speaker B:Yeah, urging them.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker A:To love their wives selflessly.
Speaker A:And, and I love the.
Speaker A:The voice translation.
Speaker A:How to put it, it said love your Wives so deeply, purely and sacrificially that the only thing you could compare it to is Jesus.
Speaker A:It's such a high standard.
Speaker A:Jesus said it's such a high standard for how he loves the church and he loves you.
Speaker A:Such a high standard.
Speaker A:And we talked about the different ways Jesus selflessly loved.
Speaker A:We talked about forgiveness and how to apply that in marriage.
Speaker A:Now we're talking about humility and how to apply that in marriage.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:There's so much you can say about it.
Speaker B:So we're just touching on the topic.
Speaker B:But it is, it's so, so important.
Speaker B:And I like how we're emphasizing it's the role of both people in the marriage, not just one person being humble and the other one being overbearing or always having all the say.
Speaker B:It's, it's both people submitting themselves to each other.
Speaker A:That is, that is so sweet if you want a thriving, healthy marriage.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker A:I guess the word behooves us to really take us doing a self examination to really see.
Speaker A:Are there areas where I'm having trouble with humility?
Speaker B:Just like in your walk with the Lord, you got to check yourself.
Speaker B:Am I acting prideful in this area?
Speaker B:Am I resisting change?
Speaker B:Am I, you know, bucking authority?
Speaker B:You know, and it's the same way in marriage.
Speaker A:And it's a hard thing to, to discover that in your own, in your own heart.
Speaker A:But be open to change.
Speaker A:Be open for the Holy Spirit to work on your heart and reveal different places.
Speaker A:Because we're not all 100% complete where we're going to be.
Speaker A:We are all on a journey of renewing our minds.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And getting our thoughts to line up with God's thoughts so we can act like God.
Speaker A:So we say the things like God says.
Speaker A:And so we can really minister and serve our spouses to love them selflessly.
Speaker A:I know this was Paul's verse.
Speaker A:Ephesians 5:25 was directed at the husbands.
Speaker A:But wives should also walk in humility too.
Speaker A:And selflessly love.
Speaker A:Love their husbands.
Speaker A:But yes, husbands is on you first.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:To selflessly love your.
Speaker B:He's the leader.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Your.
Speaker A:Your marriage.
Speaker A:Now let's just talk briefly, Teresa, and let's just talk about, about the symptoms of low humility.
Speaker A:Humility in marriage.
Speaker A:And there's some signs to look for.
Speaker A:And every couple, you need to examine yourselves.
Speaker A:And actually every person needs to examine themselves.
Speaker A:Are there areas in my life that I can work on and areas of my life that I can submit more to the Holy Spirit?
Speaker A:Yes, There are areas of my life that I can renew my mind.
Speaker A:And there's scriptures you can read that will help renew your mind.
Speaker A:Meditate on those scriptures.
Speaker A:Right, Teresa?
Speaker A:That's how we change how we think.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:It's by taking in the word of God into our reading with our eyes, saying it with our mouth, listening to.
Speaker B:Our ears, listening to it.
Speaker A:And it goes over and over until it comes into.
Speaker A:It gets in there.
Speaker B:So becomes a part of you.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:It comes a part of you.
Speaker A:That's what we, we all need that.
Speaker A:So your spouse may not be be able to tell you that you're weak in some areas of humility.
Speaker A:You may not be able to take that.
Speaker A:That's one of the areas of humility.
Speaker A:That's one of the symptoms of being low humility is you can't take self.
Speaker A:Constructive criticism.
Speaker B:Constructive criticism, Right.
Speaker A:So let's look at some of the symptoms of low humility in marriage.
Speaker A:And you.
Speaker A:If this, if this strikes a chord, you know, play the song and deal with it.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And like you said, it's.
Speaker B:We should examine ourselves because if you're trying to tell your spouse you're not very humble in this area, that is not going to go well.
Speaker A:It doesn't usually go well very often, does it?
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:And that's what Jesus told us to judge ourselves before we try to fix someone else.
Speaker B:Definitely look at what's going on in your own heart.
Speaker A:Now, this first one is a doozy.
Speaker A:It is so a symptom of low humility in marriage is defensiveness and resistance to criticism.
Speaker A:Now this criticism may not be, you're a bad person, but it may be constructive criticism.
Speaker A:And, and if you can't take constructive criticism, constructive criticism is not aimed at you or it's not a judgment of you.
Speaker A:And so it, and I'm sure there are areas in my life that I would, it would be very difficult for me to take constructive criticism.
Speaker A:I'm sure there is.
Speaker A:You know, you know, you don't know, right.
Speaker A:Until someone says, yeah, something.
Speaker A:So, I mean, like we said before, all these four areas of intimacy, they, they interact with each other.
Speaker A:You know, if, if your, your, your guys, if your, if your wife came to you and, and said, or and said, let's just say it.
Speaker A:So maybe she said, you know, you need to work on your kissing technique.
Speaker A:And that could be very difficult to receive from your spouse.
Speaker A:Or your husband may say, you know.
Speaker B:That dish you make, not my favorite.
Speaker A:Not quite where it needs to be.
Speaker A:And it may be difficult.
Speaker A:Maybe she spent a long Time working.
Speaker B:On that dish might be her favorite recipe.
Speaker A:Her favorite recipe.
Speaker A:And it may be something difficult for her to hear.
Speaker A:It's just every couple is different.
Speaker A:So there might be some areas in your heart where it's really hard to accept constructive criticisms.
Speaker A:And remember constructive criticism.
Speaker A:And remember, this is the spouse that you prayed for, that God that God gave to you.
Speaker A:So there's.
Speaker A:There's never room in a marriage for personal attacks.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Tearing down the other person about their.
Speaker A:Integrity or about that person.
Speaker A:It's really.
Speaker A:There's really, really never any place for that.
Speaker A:But let's talk about constructive criticism.
Speaker A:Places where you may be able to improve and make your life better.
Speaker A:And it may be probably a blind spot that you have that you're not even aware that you can approve in your.
Speaker A:In the area.
Speaker A:So one of the symptoms is if some constructive criticism is offered is acting defensive.
Speaker A:And that's.
Speaker A:That's tough.
Speaker A:I know, I know Everybody.
Speaker A:We all say.
Speaker A:We all say we want constructive.
Speaker A:And then until we receive it right.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's really hard to receive constructive criticism.
Speaker A:Like every year, my job.
Speaker A:There's always areas.
Speaker A:Part of the performance appraisal, performance review is there's always areas that you did well in it.
Speaker A:You excelled in.
Speaker A:There's also areas of improvement.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And sometimes those are.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's.
Speaker A:You have a tendency to want to give an excuse.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Or justify something.
Speaker A:So maybe when you're active, defensive, you're.
Speaker A:You want to give an excuse or.
Speaker A:Or justify why you're doing that, do it that way.
Speaker A:Well, it's my mom's recipe.
Speaker A:Or, you know, or whatever.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:And I mean, talk about any area in your life.
Speaker A:Any area of the.
Speaker A:The spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical intimacy.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:That you can talk about.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:We should be able to talk about.
Speaker A:And it could be anything.
Speaker A:I'm talking about anything.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And be able to talk about each other without being offended and not to be hurt.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:I can't believe, though, she knows she.
Speaker A:She said that.
Speaker A:And I'm just devastated or.
Speaker A:I can't believe he said that.
Speaker A:I'm just devastated.
Speaker A:And so.
Speaker A:But it.
Speaker A:You really have to seek it as an opportunity for growth.
Speaker A:And also, always, always, I guess, always include what they're doing.
Speaker B:Well, positive.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:You know, just something positive.
Speaker A:And it would think about cooking, you know, and there, I'm sure, whether it's he cooking his cooking or her cooking or something.
Speaker A:Way you do the house, how he folds the clothes or how she.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:She vacuums or how the dust or how the dishwasher is stacked.
Speaker A:You know, just different things.
Speaker B:This is how we've always done it.
Speaker A:Don't get, don't get all offended or defensive.
Speaker B:Defensive.
Speaker A:And don't take offense, please.
Speaker A:And husbands and wives, we need to work open and honest communication where we don't take offense.
Speaker A:But also the delivery is, don't.
Speaker A:Delivery is important too, because you're not just one to say, you know, your, your black eyed peas stink.
Speaker A:I hate.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You don't want to say something like that.
Speaker B:You're cooking is not like momma didn't.
Speaker A:Cook it like that.
Speaker A:Mama didn't cook it like that.
Speaker A:I like the way mama cooked it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You don't want to approach it that way.
Speaker A:You don't approach it that way.
Speaker A:So this just.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:So don't act defensive.
Speaker A:Seek it as an opportunity for growth.
Speaker A:And I know, I know it's tough.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Now a second symptom.
Speaker A:Theresa, what's our second symptom?
Speaker B:Difficulty acknowledging mistakes and seeking forgiveness.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:This is, this is big too, because there are.
Speaker B:Some people have a really hard time saying I was wrong or I'm sorry.
Speaker B:And of course we know that's an area that there's pride instead of humility.
Speaker B:They don't want to say, I made a mistake, I said that to you the wrong way, I went somewhere I shouldn't have gone.
Speaker B:And I didn't listen to your advice about how to do this.
Speaker B:That's, that's so important that we're able to do that.
Speaker B:And if someone can't do that in an area, then there's a lack of humility.
Speaker B:So it's, it's about taking responsibility for your actions and your attitudes, you know, really, that they all like are so important.
Speaker B:They're all involved in each other, your attitudes and your actions, your words, your tone of voice.
Speaker B:And if you don't want to say, well, you should, you should just take my advice.
Speaker B:You know, if you didn't even say it nicely or say it in a way that was able to be received by your spouse, you know, you need to kind of check your attitude before you try to address this.
Speaker B:Then you, you need to admit I said it the wrong way.
Speaker B:I'm sorry, I shouldn't attacked, you know, this area that's, that's hard for you to look at and take any constructive criticism.
Speaker B:So it's, it's, it works both ways.
Speaker B:It's always a two way street with humility.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:And so if you see or you kind of realize that you're, you have some, in some areas you have a hard time taking responsibility for some actions.
Speaker A:So that's really a symptom of a low humility.
Speaker B:And you know, it makes me think not taking responsibility for inaction when there's something you should be doing, but you're just putting it off or saying, well I shouldn't have to do that, that's not my responsibility.
Speaker A:Or there's a dis.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So I think there's.
Speaker A:I was never in the military, but I've heard the military.
Speaker A:Some people who have been in the military where they're getting chewed out by, by someone above them and the answer, all they have to say is no excuse, sir.
Speaker A:They're not allowed to give, they're not allowed to give an excuse of why something they get done, they just say no excuse, sir, and then they just face the consequences of that.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's great training.
Speaker A:That's great training.
Speaker A:A third symptom of low humility in marriage is one sided conversations and ignoring your spouse's needs.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Now part of this loving selflessly is loving so deeply, so purely and so sacrificially that the only way to compare, only person to compare it to is Jesus Christ and his love for the church.
Speaker A:So this deep love, that means that you're serving your spouse.
Speaker A:You're seeking their needs to meet their needs.
Speaker A:So guys, you know what your spouse's needs are?
Speaker A:She needs security.
Speaker A:She needs security in your relationship.
Speaker A:She needs open and honest communication.
Speaker A:She needs soft non sexual affection and she needs spiritual leadership.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Wives, your husband needs honor.
Speaker A:Honor physical affection.
Speaker A:He needs domestic support and he needs friendship.
Speaker B:Friendship.
Speaker A:So those are the needs that your spouse has, predominantly this needs of your spouse.
Speaker A:And you need to learn your spouse's love language.
Speaker A:And you need to sacrificially meet those needs while he's not doing this.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter.
Speaker B:It doesn't matter.
Speaker A:You need, well, she doesn't do this.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:You, you do it.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:That's what sacrificially means.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:You don't get anything back.
Speaker B:So, so you're not doing it to get something.
Speaker A:You're not doing it.
Speaker A:Get something.
Speaker A:You could do something because you love your spouse so much and just want to bless them.
Speaker B:Oh yes.
Speaker A:And just, just treat them.
Speaker A:Treat her like the queen she is.
Speaker A:Treat him like the king he is and just minister to their needs.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:But in this situation where it's just one sided, sided Communication, it's all about.
Speaker A:The conversation is all about one person.
Speaker A:All they talk about is themselves and their needs.
Speaker A:Themselves and their needs, themselves and their needs and their spouse's feelings and their spouse's perspectives ignored or even dismissed.
Speaker B:It's sad to think that that happens in marriages, but we know it does.
Speaker A:And I know there's a term codependent, where there's just such a focus on one person relationship and about their needs.
Speaker A:And it comes really overwhelming sometimes and there's sometimes enabling, we call it enabling, right?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:The other person is the enabler.
Speaker A:The other person feels needed and just.
Speaker A:It just is a vicious cycle where it just, it just gets worse and worse.
Speaker B:Right, Theresa?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Talk to us about that.
Speaker B:Oh, I know I, I was a product of that, you know, saw that in our home.
Speaker B:And that's the kind of relationships I had until God opened my eyes.
Speaker B:That, that was not normal, that was not healthy, but that's all I saw was codependent relationships.
Speaker B:And usually it can happen with someone who's having some kind of addiction and the spouse of that person is the enabler.
Speaker B:They don't realize they're just helping them to stay that way instead of saying, this is not right.
Speaker B:We can't go on like this and trying to confront it.
Speaker B:It's really difficult because it's hard to see outside of that or be objective when you're involved in that situation.
Speaker B:But you're right.
Speaker B:It's one person's needs, the enablers needs usually are getting completely brushed aside or ignored because it is, it's all about that person with, you know, either the, you know, certain personality that just has to have everything their way, or they're having some addiction or some kind of area that's just overtaking the whole relationship.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's.
Speaker B:It's a hard situation to be in.
Speaker B:But if they can both say, look at it and say, we need some help because this is not good.
Speaker B:This is not working.
Speaker B:You know, that's.
Speaker B:It's kind of like the prodigal son.
Speaker B:He had to come to himself, you know, so God can bring that, that light, you know, turning on kind of moment for, for a couple to see that this is hurtful for both people.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So number four of the indications that the symptoms of low humility in marriage is when one spouse is withdrawing affection.
Speaker B:Actually, it could be both spouses.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Could be both people in the marriage, but withdrawing affection, being emotionally distant when this person feels criticized or that their needs are being met.
Speaker B:So you will probably see that in that One sided kind of situation and one spouse's needs getting ignored.
Speaker B:You will see that because that is like the only way that spouse will feel like I have some control over what's going on.
Speaker B:Well, I'll just withdraw my affection because they're not caring about my needs, they're not listening to me, they're just criticizing me.
Speaker B:And I have to have some way to cope.
Speaker B:I have to.
Speaker A:Coping.
Speaker B:Coping mechanism.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:And usually putting up some kind of protective barrier.
Speaker B:And of course that's so sad because then neither person's needs are being met and it's not resolving anything.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:That's, that's really hard.
Speaker B:It's going to be very, very hurtful because especially for men, if women withdraw their affection, that's, that's very hard for a man.
Speaker B:Not, not because they're just egotistical, but because they need honor, they need respect.
Speaker B:And if a woman is withdrawing, you know, showing him kindness, showing him affection to him, that's, that is respect, isn't it?
Speaker B:Just being affectionate.
Speaker A:His honor and his respect.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So if you are really recognizing any of these symptoms, no matter how minor or faint they may seem in your, in your marriage, recognize it and root out the cause because that's, it's not the way your marriage.
Speaker A:You want your marriage to go.
Speaker A:You want your marriage to be fulfilling and you want your marriage to be vibrant and you want to be close to your spouse.
Speaker A:Husbands.
Speaker A:Your wife wants to shower you with physical affection.
Speaker A:She really wants to as desire of her heart.
Speaker A:She entered into your marriage wanting to please you and wanted to be one with you.
Speaker A:And you are the one that she prayed for.
Speaker A:You're the one that God brought into her life.
Speaker A:And so she wants to do that.
Speaker A:Wives, your husband wants to be everything you need him to be.
Speaker A:He wants to be emotional, he wants to be considerate, he wants to talk to you.
Speaker A:He wants to be open and have open and honest communication with you and give you the security in your relationship that you, that you desire, that you want.
Speaker A:He wants to do that.
Speaker A:So if you see some, some sort of withdrawal, whether it's, if the wife is withdrawing physical affection because there's, there's some hurts or the husband is becoming emotionally distant.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Because there is some hurt.
Speaker A:Recognize it.
Speaker A:And like we said before, it's not ashamed to seek help.
Speaker A:It could be an older couple.
Speaker A:It could be someone your pastor recommends, a spiritual, spiritual leader in your church.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:Or it, but it's not a shame.
Speaker A:It's not.
Speaker A:There's nothing wrong with you if you if you see something.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And if you don't know how to deal with.
Speaker A:If you know how to deal with it, deal with it.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Take care of it and get back where you.
Speaker A:You want to be where you're close.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:I mean, close spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically, you're very close.
Speaker A:And you.
Speaker A:You want to.
Speaker A:You want to be there.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:But if you're seeing that, some kind of withdrawal in some area, you need to deal with it.
Speaker A:Don't.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Don't pout and just give.
Speaker A:Give him the cold shoulder and hit him.
Speaker A:Him.
Speaker A:Give her the silent treatment.
Speaker A:Do not do any of those things.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Don't kick him to the couch, you know, just, you know.
Speaker B:Oh, right, right.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Don't, you know, don't go to your corners.
Speaker A:Turn your back to each other.
Speaker A:You know, that's.
Speaker A:She gets on one side, he gets on the other side.
Speaker B:Turn it back.
Speaker A:Never twain somebody.
Speaker A:Good night.
Speaker A:Good night.
Speaker A:And that's, you know, don't.
Speaker A:Don't get in that.
Speaker A:In that situation.
Speaker A:Recognize it and do what you need to do to root out the cause.
Speaker A:And maybe it was something that was said and maybe it was something was missing.
Speaker A:Most of the time, it's something misinterpreted.
Speaker B:Miscommunication.
Speaker A:Miscommunication can read.
Speaker A:Lead to a lot of.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Hurt feelings and offenses that you didn't.
Speaker B:Even mean to do.
Speaker B:Yeah, right.
Speaker B:Don't cause that.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:You don't really mean to cause that.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I love that you're saying, address it early.
Speaker B:Address it when it's little things, because if it goes on over time, it becomes bigger and bigger and the distance becomes greater.
Speaker B:The coldness or the.
Speaker B:The lack of intimacy, the lack of communication gets worse and worse.
Speaker B:You really need to address things pretty quickly.
Speaker B:If you see, like you said, any withdrawing going on or anyone feeling either one feeling like my needs aren't being met.
Speaker B:You should be able to talk to each other about these things.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:You know, you may have to pray, you know, individually and say, okay, Lord, tell me how I can talk to my spouse about this.
Speaker B:Help them have ears to hear what I'm saying and not be hurt by me addressing this.
Speaker B:So if either one of you feels like you're missing each other, kind of like two ships that pass in the night.
Speaker A:Right, Right.
Speaker B:You're like, I said something he didn't.
Speaker B:He didn't understand what I said.
Speaker B:He said something she didn't understand.
Speaker B:They're just, you know, hey, let's just keep the Peace by not saying anything, or you just don't seem to be like minded in an area like, well, I thought you were taking the kids or no, you're supposed to take them to dance class or you're supposed to pick them up from school.
Speaker B:There's been a miscommunication somewhere.
Speaker B:And if things like that keep building and keep going on over time, over and over, it really can become a point of contention.
Speaker B:And you do not want to let anything like that should have been a small thing to address with just, hey, we need to talk about this.
Speaker B:Something's not right here.
Speaker B:But if it, if it continues over time, you really give.
Speaker B:There's strife in your midst and you really give the enemy a place to come in and drive a wedge between you and cause a lot more hurt, a lot more problems than what it started with.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:You know, and that's usually what people get upset about, is little things.
Speaker B:But we've got to learn not to let these things offend us or hurt us when our spouse is just coming to us and saying something's not right or, you know, hey, did you mean what you said last night?
Speaker B:It just seemed kind of harsh or it just seemed like you're coming on pretty strong and, you know, can we just go over this again?
Speaker B:Like, not be emotionally charged and just talk about this again and work it out or, you know, let's pray about this together.
Speaker B:Especially praying about areas like this is so helpful because you may not realize you thought you're communicating well and your spouse was hurt.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it might come out while you're talking about it, but a lot of times it'll come out when you are praying together and the other person's like, God, just help, help me.
Speaker B:My heart is broken, you know, and your spouse will be saying, wow, I didn't realize that, you know, but if you can talk to God and be honest and do that together, together, that is so, so powerful.
Speaker B:Don't, don't hide those things that are going on in your heart.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Especially when you're praying together.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:That's, that's so good, Teresa.
Speaker A:It's again, another reason why couples should be praying together.
Speaker A:And not just praying together together, but praying over each, over each other.
Speaker A:Say out loud, guys, say out loud a prayer over life.
Speaker A:Say it out loud so she can hear it.
Speaker A:And, oh, I don't.
Speaker A:Oh, I don't feel so embarrassed.
Speaker A:Do it anyway.
Speaker A:I'm telling you, it will, it will help.
Speaker A:It will help heal her heart.
Speaker A:So when you pray over her Pray the scriptures over.
Speaker A:You know, we all.
Speaker A:We all came from somewhere, and there may be hurts that happened prior to your marriage.
Speaker B:Oh, yes, That's.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker B:I mean, it's.
Speaker B:It's even good.
Speaker B:Since you're talking about bringing scripture into your prayer, think about it ahead of time.
Speaker B:What scripture can I pray for my spouse?
Speaker B:Or what scripture can we come together and agree on?
Speaker B:This is how we need to see this situation.
Speaker B:When you do that, the scripture will give you wisdom about your situation.
Speaker B:And you can pray that scripture together.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Over your marriage, over your relationship, over your entire family.
Speaker B:And it gives you something to stand on, something to base your prayers on, your faith on.
Speaker B:And it can be more than one.
Speaker B:But hey, why don't we just go ahead and have a scripture that's for our marriage?
Speaker B:And this is like, this is the foundation of what our marriage is about and what God says about our marriage.
Speaker B:God says about our family.
Speaker B:And when you bring that into your prayer time, that's.
Speaker B:That's so powerful because we don't want to pray just out of our own understanding, the way we think about things, or else we'll never get our minds renewed.
Speaker B:We'll never get our thinking changed.
Speaker B:It's got to be based on the truth that's in the word of God.
Speaker A:Another symptom of low humility in marriage is arguing or insisting on getting your own way.
Speaker A:Now, if you find out that you're having misunderstood misunderstandings, or this seems like everything's getting misinterpreted, or it's just like.
Speaker A:It's just something's wrong.
Speaker A:Yeah, something's wrong.
Speaker A:That's when it is time to stop and, and work on that and just.
Speaker A:Okay, we need to get to the root of this.
Speaker A:We're just.
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You're being offended.
Speaker A:I said this.
Speaker A:You heard this.
Speaker A:It's just.
Speaker A:It's not right.
Speaker A:I didn't say it that way.
Speaker B:Some ice cream?
Speaker B:You don't care about me.
Speaker B:You know, I mean, you.
Speaker B:Oh, it's.
Speaker B:Something's really going on.
Speaker B:You know, if you're saying something, that should be fine, but if there's a.
Speaker A:Lot of arguing, if you're sensing arguments or disagreements in the marriage, it's really comes out as a stubbornness and a refusal to compromise.
Speaker A:The compromise you're talking about is not compromise of values.
Speaker A:We're not.
Speaker A:We're not talking about that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:But one is just stubborn.
Speaker A:Just, you know, just my way or the highway type of deal.
Speaker A:There's something wrong and that really needs to be dealt with and you really recognize it in your own heart that you're being stubborn.
Speaker A:Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to your heart areas which you're, you're being stubborn or any of these areas that we talked about today.
Speaker A:And they may just be small things here and there, but, you know, after a while, they, they, they just build up.
Speaker B:It definitely does.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I'm sorry to say, but women do keep a good record of these.
Speaker B:We can't help it.
Speaker B:It's like, well, he had to have his way about this, he had to have his way about that.
Speaker B:And, and it just, we don't mean to, but because we're so relational, that's how we think about everything in context of relationship.
Speaker B:We do, we tend to like, well, when do I get to have a say?
Speaker B:And I'm not.
Speaker B:It's not always the women.
Speaker B:I mean, men could feel that way too with wives that are very strong willed or very, they approach things and they're just strong women.
Speaker B:I mean, some guys are married to very strong women and it's not bad unless they're being stubborn and they won't let their husband lead or they won't let their husband, you know, help make decisions, work on decisions together.
Speaker B:You know, no one should ever feel like the other person's always having their way.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:They don't have any way to say, well, what about this?
Speaker B:Or how about trying it this way?
Speaker B:So, yeah, it can be on either side.
Speaker B:But you know, you don't want to get to the point where it's, it's really happening about everything.
Speaker A:Right?
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Speaker A:Join us wherever and however you prefer to tune in this week's Friendship Builder.
Speaker B:This week's Developing Intimacy Friendship Builder is write a note to your spouse and.
Speaker A:Identify really and express your appreciation for their unique gifts.
Speaker A:So humility is appreciate appreciating the gifts that your spouse has.
Speaker A:So write a note and express your appreciation for their gifts and really identify what those gifts are.
Speaker A:And no, I see you strong in this area, this area, this or and this.
Speaker A:And this is what I, I love about you being strong in these areas.
Speaker A:And it's pick areas that you're not strong in.
Speaker A:They're really different from you and you really show them a really appreciation.
Speaker A:Because part of the working humility is really mutual respect and appreciation of your, of your, of your partner, of your spouse.
Speaker B:That's really good.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it could even have to do with the kids.
Speaker B:Like, I love how you, you know, take the kids when, when we both get home from work and you play with them and help me have, you know, time to get refreshed, you know, start on dinner and then we work together, you know, with the kids and dinner.
Speaker B:You know, just things like that that are practical can even be a strength.
Speaker B:You know, that your spouse just sees a need and just takes care of it instead of having to be asked.
Speaker B:That's, that's really special.
Speaker B:So go write that note and make it sweet.
Speaker A:Make it sweet.
Speaker A:Don't use chat GPT.
Speaker B:Oh, right, right.
Speaker A:Okay.
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Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast.
Speaker A:And if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:So it's really, really important for us to do a self examination to recognize symptoms of low humility in ourselves so that our marriage can be thriving and fulfilling and a healthy marriage.
Speaker A:And really so you can really minister to the needs of your spouse.
Speaker A:And by really leaning into humility, you're not just making your marriage stronger, you're modeling for others what a deeply fulfilling marriage can look like.
Speaker B:Oh yes, that is so true.
Speaker A:So next week we're going to talk about why humility in marriage is essential.
Speaker A:And we want to thank everyone for tuning in.
Speaker A:Please hit the subscribe button and check out some of our other videos.
Speaker A:Until next time, Remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
