Rekindling Friendship in Marriage
You love each other, so why don’t you feel close anymore? In this episode, we dive deep into that feeling that sneaks up on so many couples—where you look at your marriage and think, “Wait, where did the fun go?” It’s not about a big blowout or a dramatic moment; it’s just life getting in the way. We’re here to remind you that you’re not alone, and hey, your marriage isn’t broken! We chat about how intentional time is the secret sauce to rebuild that connection and keep the friendship alive. So, grab a cozy blanket, maybe a snack, and let’s get into how to bring back the joy and laughter in your marriage! Feeling a bit distant from your partner lately? You’re not alone! We dive into that all-too-familiar feeling many couples experience where love is there, but the closeness seems to have taken a little vacation. It’s not because of some big fight or a dramatic life event – it’s just that life has a sneaky way of making us busy, right? We explore why couples drift apart and the not-so-fun truth that it’s not always about communication issues. In fact, we chat about how what feels like lost love is really just a loss of intentional time spent together. Like money, time can be spent, invested, or wasted. So, how do we turn those two-hour couch sessions into meaningful moments? By putting down our phones and really connecting! Tune in as we share practical tips on rebuilding that friendship, making sure your marriage isn’t just functional but filled with joy and companionship instead. We promise, it’s all about those small, intentional steps that lead back to that deep friendship you both crave.
Takeaways:
- Feeling distant in marriage is super common, and it doesn't mean your love is gone!
- Marriage isn't just about solving problems; it's about genuine friendship and connection.
- Communication is important, but it's often the symptoms we're treating, not the root cause.
- Time spent together can either build or break your connection, so make it count!
- It's not about having a perfect marriage; it's about being connected and being best friends.
- Rekindling friendship in marriage takes small, intentional steps every day, so keep trying!
Links referenced in this episode:
https://inspiringmarriages.aweb.page/transform-your-marriage-devotional
Transcript
You love each other, so why don't you feel close anymore?
Speaker A:Hello, everybody.
Speaker A:Welcome to the Inspiring Marriages podcast, where.
Speaker B:We help couples build deep friendship, real connection, and lasting intimacy.
Speaker A:And today, Teresa and I are talking about something I think almost every couple experiences at some point in their marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And it's one of those things that's hard to explain, but you definitely feel it, Right?
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's like that.
Speaker A:It's not a.
Speaker A:Kind of hard to explain.
Speaker A:Is that that moment where you look at your marriage and think, we're not as close as we used to be.
Speaker B:It's not because something big happened, but.
Speaker A:And not because of a major conflict,.
Speaker B:But something just feels off,.
Speaker A:A little.
Speaker B:More distant, a little quieter.
Speaker A:And if that's where you are, we want to say this up front.
Speaker A:You're not alone, and your marriage is not broken.
Speaker A:God has a design for your marriage.
Speaker A:He knows what he's doing.
Speaker A:He has a plan for you.
Speaker A:It's just that something may be missing.
Speaker A:That's right, Teresa.
Speaker A:Let's talk about misdiagnosis.
Speaker A:So a lot of couples think that their major issue is communication.
Speaker A:And communication really, really, really is important.
Speaker A:One of the major needs of a wife is open and honest communication.
Speaker A:So we're not diminishing the importance of communication.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:A lot of times, if a couple goes in for counseling, that's what they're going to start focusing on, if I understand it correctly, trying to work on their communication.
Speaker B:But, you know, that's.
Speaker B:That may not be the real root problem.
Speaker B:So in other cases, people will say, well, we're just busy.
Speaker B:It's a really busy season for us in our family.
Speaker A:It's a wacky, wacky time.
Speaker A:Or you.
Speaker A:And this is a lie, you might just feel that this is just how marriage is, that this is what happens to couples.
Speaker A:They are close in the beginning, and they just drift apart.
Speaker A:And we're here to tell you that is not true.
Speaker A:That is a lie.
Speaker A:God has a wonderful design for your marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker B:But what we've seen and even experienced ourselves in different seasons is that those aren't usually the root issue.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's like treating the symptoms.
Speaker A:They're really symptoms, not the root cause.
Speaker A:Right, Teresa?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker A:So if.
Speaker A:If you listen to our podcast, over the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about time, and we've been talking about redeeming the time.
Speaker A:We're talking About Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 15.
Speaker A:To 17, where Paul commanded us to walk circumspectly, redeeming the time because the days are evil.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And the other translations say walk carefully as the wise, not the unwise, making most of the opportunities because the days are evil.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So one of the biggest revelations that we've talked about in the last couple of weeks is you're not losing love, you're losing intentional time.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker B:That was such a big shift for us personally in our marriage.
Speaker B:You know, you can still love each other deeply.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:We can love each other deeply, but not investing in a relationship the same way.
Speaker A:The same way that you were when you're dating, or the same way that you did when you first were married.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So that phrase, make the most of every opportunity, that's really talking about how we use our time.
Speaker A:Time is just like money.
Speaker A:You can spend it, you can invest it, and you can waste it.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:It's very valuable.
Speaker B:We don't really hear enough about that.
Speaker B:Especially in the context of marriage and relationships, time is extremely valuable.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:You're right, Teresa.
Speaker A:You can always get more money.
Speaker A:You may not feel like that, but you can always get more money.
Speaker A:But you can't get more time.
Speaker A:So let's talk about Teresa.
Speaker A:Let's take a little bit of time.
Speaker A:Let's talk about what really has been lost.
Speaker A:So we're going to go a little deeper.
Speaker A:And it's not that time you lost time.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:The time was still there.
Speaker B:But you know what happened.
Speaker B:It's about what happened during that time.
Speaker B:How were those moments, those hours, those days, those weeks and months, how were they actually used?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:The word time In Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 15 is not chronological time.
Speaker A:It's not seconds, minutes, hours.
Speaker A:It's the Greek word kairos, which means opportunities.
Speaker A:So what we've seen is when couples lose their friendship, then there it seems like to them they're losing time because 10, 20, 30 years later, they say, where did the time go?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:So that's such a big thing to come to realize in your marriage.
Speaker B:You know, you don't notice it when it's happening.
Speaker B:It doesn't seem like anything is wrong.
Speaker B:It's just that you, like you said, you look back and say, where did the time go?
Speaker B:And you.
Speaker B:You can sense that you're not close like you used to be.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's a very gradual.
Speaker A:It's not like one Day you just wake up and you decide not to be friends anymore is so gradual.
Speaker A:But we know this is not God's design.
Speaker A:We know that for a fact because I'll tell you for a fact.
Speaker A:Genesis chapter 2, verse 18 says, it is not good that the man to be alone.
Speaker A:So it's not.
Speaker A:And we know, we know that Eve was crafted from Adam's side to be a help meet for him to come along.
Speaker A:And it says, help me is like, that's the same word that God uses for himself when he talks about being the God of war to come to Israel's aid.
Speaker A:So it's not just about that.
Speaker A:It's about so much, so much more.
Speaker A:It's about companionship.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And walking hand in hand, arm in arm with your sweetie, talking, laughing.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Sharing.
Speaker A:There's so much more to this marriage than it seems like on the surface.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker B:And scripture says, Proverbs 17, 17, that a friend loves at all times.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:Marriage is to include that type of friendship.
Speaker A:So you can sit, you can spend an evening, you can be spending evening sitting on the couch in front of a big screen, looking at your little screens, and you can be scrolling and laughing and stuff.
Speaker A:And at the end of that, that evening, you have spent two hours 10 years ago.
Speaker A:You're not going to remember it.
Speaker A:True, you're not going to remember that night because you just, you just spent it, you just wasted it.
Speaker A:But imagine you took those same two hours and you put down the phone, you turn off the television, and you looked in each each other's eyes and you connected, you shared, you asked questions, you talked about things.
Speaker A:Now you took those same two hours.
Speaker A:It's not the time.
Speaker A:Was it a longer time period?
Speaker A:But you took those same two hours and you elevated them, you redeemed them, you gave them value.
Speaker A:So now you made a memory, you made connection.
Speaker A:You made a memory that's going, that's going to, you're going, you're going to remember that because you made a connection.
Speaker B:So good.
Speaker A:Teresa, let's talk about some of the reasons that friendship fades.
Speaker B:That's right, Jeff.
Speaker B:We're going to talk about how this actually happens because this is where people will start saying, that's us.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like we said before, it's not a big dramatic moment and it's not like a big breakdown.
Speaker A:It's just life.
Speaker A:Life gets full.
Speaker A:We got schedules, responsibilities.
Speaker A:Some people have kids, people work, they're involved in ministry, they're involved in the church, they're involved with other responsibilities.
Speaker A:Maybe they're coaching, maybe just a myriad of things that.
Speaker A:That life is full of.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And you know, none of those things are bad in themselves, right?
Speaker A:They're not bad, but good things can push out great things.
Speaker A:Especially they talk, take.
Speaker A:Start taking the place of intentional connection.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:So instead of a couple getting together and talking about your heart, you know, what's on your heart, what are you dealing with, what are you struggling with, or what are your successes and your joys, and then you're just talking about your calendar and your schedule.
Speaker A:Your greatest accomplishment that week is that you met all your things on your calendar.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Checked off all the boxes.
Speaker A:We call that what doing life together.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Just try and survive, but instead of laughing together, you're just managing the day.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:And before you know it, you're functioning really well as a team, but not feeling connected as friends.
Speaker B:There's a big difference between those two, isn't there, Jeff?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Philippians, chapter two, verse four.
Speaker A:Paul told us that each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Speaker A:Especially true in marriage.
Speaker A:Marriage takes intentional attention.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:On purpose, consistent attention.
Speaker A:But when that fades, the connection fades.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And you know, looking after the interests of others, well, especially your spouse, that means you're not putting yourself first.
Speaker B:You have to put your spouse first.
Speaker B:You know, if you see that your spouse is stressed or concerned or tired or whatever it is, you've got to reach out to them and take on the responsibility of encouraging them or just being there for them and saying, what's wrong?
Speaker B:What's going on?
Speaker B:You know, if you haven't had good connection and communication.
Speaker A:Teresa, let's talk about why it feels empty.
Speaker A:So couples might say, maybe you're saying we're fine, but something feels, feels missing.
Speaker A:Because marriage was never meant to be just functional.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:I think about those, those old movies you see where people are very stoic and, you know, non emotional.
Speaker B:And it's like marriage is just like a business arrangement.
Speaker B:And I'm not talking about modern days, I'm talking about like the olden days.
Speaker B:And it wasn't about sharing life, it wasn't about companionship.
Speaker B:It was, like you said, functional.
Speaker B:You're supposed to marry, you're supposed to have kids, you're supposed to raise them, or like in some people in agricultural society, you have more children so they can work on the farm, like.
Speaker B:But where's the laughter and the joy of being married and all of that?
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker B:So we can get back to Genesis.
Speaker B:Like you said before, Jeff, you know, God designed marriage himself.
Speaker B:He performed the first marriage between Adam and Eve.
Speaker B:And it's not a fable or a fairy tale.
Speaker B:That is really how mankind got started.
Speaker B:And the whole premise was for two people to become one.
Speaker B:So Genesis 2.24 says, the two shall become one flesh.
Speaker B:And that's not just living together, occupying the same household.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:That's not being roommates.
Speaker A:No, we're talking about real connection.
Speaker A:We're talking about emotional.
Speaker A:We're talking about spiritual.
Speaker A:We're talking about intellectual.
Speaker A:We're talking about physical reality, intimacy in all those areas, a connection.
Speaker A:The Bible also tells us, Ecclesiastes 9.
Speaker A:9.
Speaker A:Enjoy life with the wife whom you love.
Speaker B:Mm, that's so beautiful.
Speaker B:Enjoying life together.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And a man's supposed to treasure his wife.
Speaker B:She's not just there for, like you said, functional purposes to support him or, you know, cook his meals or, you know, all those other things, but she's there to bring him joy.
Speaker B:And that's.
Speaker B:That's so important.
Speaker B:There is supposed to be joy in our marriages.
Speaker A:There should be joy.
Speaker A:There should be enjoyment.
Speaker A:There should be friendship.
Speaker A:And when that is missing, even a stable marriage can feel empty.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And we know that's not God's design.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:For you to have empty marriage.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Let's talk about Jesus and friendship.
Speaker B:So we can see in the Gospels that Jesus even modeled healthy friendship.
Speaker A: In John: Speaker A:His master's business.
Speaker A:Instead, I have called you friends for everything I've learned from my Father I have made known to you.
Speaker A:So Jesus didn't just relate to them through his position of authority.
Speaker A:He related to them through friendship.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker B:So that way they would know how to be true friends.
Speaker B:He modeled things, then he, you know, he showed them, and then they could live it out.
Speaker B:So that's an example for us.
Speaker B:So that tells you how important connection really is.
Speaker B:If Jesus had to emphasize that with his disciples.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Let's talk about hope.
Speaker A:Now, here's something that we've really been wanting to talk about.
Speaker A:If friendship faded slowly, it can be rebuilt intentionally.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:You don't have to fix everything all at once.
Speaker A:No, not all.
Speaker A:Just small steps and some small moments.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Just being a little more intentional, just moment by moment when you realize I can do more than I normally do in this situation.
Speaker A:First Peter 4:8 says above all, keep loving one another earnestly.
Speaker A:That word earnestly means consistently, intentionally.
Speaker A:So like we're, we're telling you every day, make an intentional effort to connect with your spouse.
Speaker A:Have a time where you're looking each other, talking to each other, looking each other's in the, in the eye and connecting.
Speaker A:It's small, intentional, consistent steps that will build friendships.
Speaker A:So if you're listening and thinking we love each other.
Speaker A:So if you're listening and thinking we love each other but we don't feel close anymore, we got something special for you.
Speaker A:We created something for you.
Speaker A:Call from Lonely to Best Friends Again, a seven day reset.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:It's not overwhelming.
Speaker B:It's just simple, practical steps to help you reconnect this week.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And you find a link down below in the description.
Speaker B:So just to conclude this, Jeff, you don't need a perfect marriage, do you?
Speaker B:I mean, people don't have to have a perfect marriage, right?
Speaker A:You're not going to have a perfect marriage if either one of you is not perfect, you're not going to have a perfect marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:But that's okay.
Speaker A:You don't need a perfect marriage.
Speaker A:You just need a connected one.
Speaker B:And connection is built on friendship.
Speaker B:One moment at a time.
Speaker A:Thank you everyone for listening.
Speaker A:Reach out to us if you if you need prayer.
Speaker A:Inspiringmarriagesnt.net you can go to our website inspiringmarriages.net and there you can see all of our show notes and there's a keep in touch section where you can join our mailing list and you'll get exciting updates from from us and handouts and free resources.
Speaker A:And remember, God designed husband and wife to be friends for life.
