Sacrificial Love: The Strength That Transforms Relationships
Sacrificial love is a total powerhouse in relationships, and today, we're diving into how it can actually strengthen your marriage instead of making you feel drained. We’re Jeff and Teresa Fields, and trust me, after 33 years of marriage and a couple of kids, we’ve learned a thing or two about putting each other first. It’s not about losing yourself; it’s about enhancing your bond by making little sacrifices that show you care. So, whether it’s making breakfast for your spouse or just picking up those wet towels off the floor, those acts of love boost respect and intimacy between you. So buckle up, because we’re spilling all the secrets to making sacrificial love work for you!
Sacrificial love often gets a bad rap as a kind of weakness in our self-preserving world, but we’re here to flip the script! Picture this: two folks who’ve been married for 33 years—yep, that’s us! We’re diving headfirst into the deep end of what sacrificial love really means in a relationship. Forget about the toxic vibes and codependency; we’re talking about a love that’s all about preferring your partner, making choices that uplift them even when it’s a bit of a bummer for you. It’s about those little everyday acts that say, 'Hey, I’ve got your back!' We dig into some biblical wisdom too, because who doesn’t love a sprinkle of scripture to back up our love talk? John and Ephesians, we see you! We chat about how this kind of love doesn’t just help relationships; it builds them up stronger than a double-decker sandwich at lunchtime!
Takeaways:
- Sacrificial love isn’t about losing yourself; it’s about enhancing your relationship with your partner.
- Both partners in a marriage should strive to put each other first for a stronger bond.
- Healthy sacrificial love means considering your spouse's needs while ensuring you don’t neglect your own well-being.
- Small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can significantly improve intimacy and trust in relationships.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Is sacrificial love a weakness or strength in the world of self preservation, Sacrificial love is something that really is not really talked about very, very much.
Speaker A:Today we're diving deep into the area of sacrificial love.
Speaker A:How it enhances and doesn't diminish a relationship.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields and we are thrilled to have you with us today.
Speaker B:We've been happily married for 33 years and along the way we have three grown children who are all serving the Lord.
Speaker B:And we have been blessed with a fantastic son in law and the most precious grandbaby you can imagine.
Speaker A:Get ready to be inspired as you open up about our journey.
Speaker A:Our desire is to ignite a spark in couples everywhere.
Speaker B:We are all about nurturing deep friendships and cultivating marriages that thrive in every way spiritually, emotionally, romantically and physically.
Speaker A:Be sure to check out our website@inspiringmarriages.net there you can dive into all the show notes that will enhance your listening experience.
Speaker B:Please.
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Speaker B:Visit us today.
Speaker A:Now we want to talk about sacrificial love and we want Sacrificial love is not you depleting yourself.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:Sacrificial love is where you prefer the other person.
Speaker A:So sacrificial love in marriage is when you prefer your spouse, you, you do things and you make decisions to benefit your spouse even at your own harm.
Speaker A:Right now, we're not talking about a toxic relationship.
Speaker A:We're not talking about a codependency.
Speaker A:We're not talking about a relationship that is out of balance.
Speaker A:We're talking about a loving relationship where both partners are striving to.
Speaker A:To do the best it can.
Speaker B:Mm, that's right.
Speaker B:So the biblical foundations are in the Scriptures.
Speaker B:Christ's love is the ultimate example of strength through sacrifice.
Speaker B:You can look at John 15, verse 13, Ephesians 5:25, and we know, we've shared that Ephesians 5:25 a lot, right?
Speaker A:Ephesians 25, 25.
Speaker A:Paul told the husbands, husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Speaker A:Love your wife so deeply, purely and sacrificially that the only thing compared to is the love of Christ.
Speaker A: And John: Speaker A:To lay down your life for your friends.
Speaker B:So, so beautiful.
Speaker A:That is so beautiful.
Speaker A:That is the basis of sacrificial love.
Speaker A:And Jesus was the ultimate example.
Speaker A:A sacrificial love.
Speaker A:Now, remember when you entered into your marriage, you said vows before God, I will love you until the day I die.
Speaker A:Basically, you said those vows.
Speaker A:So love is not a feeling.
Speaker A:I feel in love.
Speaker A:Oh, I fell in love.
Speaker A:Oh, I'm hooked on a feeling.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:I'm falling in love.
Speaker A:Falling in love.
Speaker A:No, love is a decision.
Speaker A:I have decided.
Speaker A:And I said my vow before for God, I will love Teresa in my.
Speaker A:In my deeds, in my words, in my thoughts, in my actions, I will love Teresa.
Speaker A:And that's a decision that should drive all my future decisions.
Speaker A:And how I interact with Teresa is the decision to.
Speaker A:To sacrificially love her.
Speaker A:That word again in the Greek is agape.
Speaker A:Selfless love.
Speaker B:Selfless love.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:And that that makes your marriage stronger.
Speaker B:When both people in a marriage are putting the other person ahead of themselves and being willing to make sacrifices.
Speaker B:Now, we're not talking about doing yourself harm.
Speaker B:We're just talking about you're not coming out on top.
Speaker B:You're making sure your spouse has everything they need and you're taking care of them before yourself.
Speaker B:That doesn't mean you completely lose out, does it, Jeff?
Speaker A:It does not mean.
Speaker A:It doesn't mean you lose out.
Speaker A:You become less of a person.
Speaker B:It doesn't mean that at all.
Speaker A:It's what it should drive the other person to respond in kind.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:It also enhances mutual respect.
Speaker A:When a sacrificial love.
Speaker A:When wife knows that every decision he makes is for her benefit, that that increases mutual respect.
Speaker A:When the husband knows that everything her.
Speaker A:His.
Speaker A:His wife does is to benefit him and for him, that increases mutual respect and increases intimacy in all areas.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:So we talk about the four levels of intimacy.
Speaker A:How you work on one, it enhances the other.
Speaker A:The spiritual, intellectual, emotional and physical.
Speaker A:Guys.
Speaker A:Your wife has to feel close to you to open up physically.
Speaker A:She has to wives.
Speaker A:Your husband needs to feel close to you physically to.
Speaker A:To open up to you emotionally.
Speaker B:So absolutely.
Speaker A:So it's.
Speaker A:You got to work together and as you work on one, it'll enhance all your areas of intimacy.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And you can trust someone more when you know that your good is what they have in mind.
Speaker B:They're thinking of what will benefit you.
Speaker B:You can trust a person more that does that.
Speaker B:You know, if your parents did that for you when you were growing up, they were thinking of you and making sure you were taken care of and they were keeping away the wrong things from your life from your.
Speaker B:From your input, from influences.
Speaker B:You know that that Made you trust them.
Speaker B:They're really looking after me.
Speaker B:They really care about me.
Speaker B:And this is the same thing we're talking about here.
Speaker B:You know, of course, don't treat your spouse like a child, but have their best interest always at heart and in way you're treating them and in the choices that you're making every day.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:If you're a parent, you know how easy it is for you to sacrifice for your child.
Speaker A:I'll go without.
Speaker A:So my child could have this.
Speaker A:Yes, but you should have the same attitude towards your spouse that you.
Speaker A:I'll give up this night of bowling for my wife or I'll give up this night of.
Speaker A:Of this movie to be with my husband.
Speaker B:So it's just right.
Speaker A:Things that you do for each other and sacrifice for each other is for the benefit of relationship.
Speaker A:It's like a paradox, isn't it, Teresa?
Speaker B:It really is.
Speaker A:It doesn't weaken the marriage, it strengthens the marriage.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It doesn't make.
Speaker A:It's like giving.
Speaker A:When you give physically, we give money financially, it makes you richer.
Speaker B:It does, right?
Speaker B:It does, yeah.
Speaker B:Jesus said amazing.
Speaker A:6:38.
Speaker A:I'm going to read it, so I don't want to get it wrong.
Speaker A:Give and gifts will be given to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will they pour into the pouch formed by the bosom of your robe and used as a bag for the measure that you deal out with.
Speaker A:The measures you use when you confer benefits to others, it will be measured back to you.
Speaker A:I think Paul said something like, if you give miserably, grudgingly, grudgingly, guess what you'll get back.
Speaker B:Oh, yes, that is so true.
Speaker B:But I love that it's not just giving, but what kind of amounts are you giving?
Speaker B:Are you just giving out?
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker B:Well, I gave you a compliment last month and you should be happy.
Speaker B:You know I said I love you when we got married.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Isn't that enough?
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker B:No, it's not enough.
Speaker B:You have to keep giving generously, keep serving generously.
Speaker A:Keep, Sir?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Do it in generous amounts.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it comes back to you.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Keep, keep your wife, keep the gas in her car.
Speaker A:Keep it surfer that way, make sure you're traveling.
Speaker A:When you stop for gas, get her a snack, you know, just.
Speaker A:Just do different things that just.
Speaker A:That is thoughtful.
Speaker A:When you don't leave your towel, wet towels on the floor, pick up your socks and throw them away.
Speaker A:Hang your towel, whatever you guys do.
Speaker A:We usually hang our towels over the shower rod to dry us or somewhere to dry.
Speaker A:We don't just throw them in the bathtub or on the floor.
Speaker A:So whatever you do, if you see the toilet roll getting low, replace the toilet roll and put it on the way that she likes it to be.
Speaker A:She likes it.
Speaker B:Hooray.
Speaker A:If she likes it under, you put it under.
Speaker A:She likes it over.
Speaker A:You put it over.
Speaker A:Because it matters to her.
Speaker B:Does the women?
Speaker B:For sure, it matters.
Speaker A:Put the seat down after you're done.
Speaker A:It's just different things to do for each other and just acts of kindness, really.
Speaker A:Isn't it, Teresa?
Speaker A:Just acts of kindness.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker B:Those little things add up, too, whether for the bad or for the good.
Speaker B:They can add up as.
Speaker A:As you do these little things for each other.
Speaker A:This little acts of sacrificial love.
Speaker A:I'm not talking about.
Speaker A:This is nothing compared to what Jesus did for us.
Speaker B:Oh, right.
Speaker A:This is nothing compared to what Jesus did for us.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It doesn't.
Speaker A:You can't.
Speaker A:You can't equate it.
Speaker A:These little things you do for your spouse, it really enhances your bond.
Speaker A:It really makes it unshakable.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Because that's right.
Speaker A:There are storms in life.
Speaker A:There are things that come along in life that happened, didn't expect to happen, and they're terrible things.
Speaker A:Because now the Bible, the same Bible that tells us that we have a Savior, tells us there's a God in this world who has been defeated by the way.
Speaker A:But there is a God in this world, and we live in a.
Speaker A:A shattered creation, a broken creation.
Speaker A:This is not how God sets things up.
Speaker A:This is not how God set up the world.
Speaker A:God does not run the world.
Speaker A:How you, Jeff, how you know that?
Speaker A:Because it wouldn't be in such a bad shape if you ran the world.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:No catastrophes, that's for sure.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:It wouldn't.
Speaker A:If he is.
Speaker A:He's doing a terrible job.
Speaker A:But he's not, so.
Speaker A:But he will.
Speaker A:He will.
Speaker B:So the enemy.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:He brings things against your marriage, trying to dissolve your unity, trying to cause strife, friction, agitation, misunderstanding.
Speaker B:Just so many things we could list.
Speaker B:But we have to take a stand against him together.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:For our marriage to stay strong.
Speaker B:It's not just what you said on your wedding day or that first year of, you know, so much bliss and romance, being newlyweds, you have to be purposeful about continuing to stand against the enemy and do what's necessary to keep your marriage strong.
Speaker B:Keep building your marriage.
Speaker B:Keep building your love and kindness and consideration for each other.
Speaker A:Now, we want to talk about Practical ways to walk in sacrificial love.
Speaker A:The small things you do every day for each other, it won't deplete you.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:When you make.
Speaker A:Do something nice for your spouse, you're not depleting yourself, right?
Speaker A:You're not depleting me.
Speaker A:Get up and you.
Speaker A:You make your husband his breakfast, or he goes.
Speaker A:Gets up and makes the coffee or the tea, or he gets up and makes you a breakfast, or you make his lunch and.
Speaker A:And dinner, and you do things for each other.
Speaker A:It doesn't deplete you.
Speaker A:It just strengthens the marriage.
Speaker A:It really does, doesn't it, Teresa?
Speaker B:It really does, yes.
Speaker B:And like, if, you know, this is what your normal schedule is like, and, well, you take these tasks and your spouse takes the other ones, you can step in and do something your spouse usually takes care of and take that off their plate.
Speaker B:You know, just do something ahead of time and get it ready, or just take that task for the evening.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like we were talking about before we were filming, you know, if it's your turn to do the dishes, you know, your spouse might want to step in and do them for you and say, hey, I can do that.
Speaker B:So you can just go relax a little bit, you know, and just.
Speaker B:I'll give the kids their baths tonight instead of you doing that every night.
Speaker B:Just taking time to do something you normally wouldn't do.
Speaker B:That says a lot to your spouse, right?
Speaker A:It could be that you.
Speaker A:Maybe you.
Speaker A:You in your budget, you had your husband, you saved up for something, and he said, you know what?
Speaker A:I'm gonna take this money, I'm gonna buy my wife a spa day, and she can do that, and she.
Speaker A:And she can spend it on.
Speaker A:Maybe she wants a pedicure or a manicure or something or a hair done.
Speaker A:And just give that money to your spouse.
Speaker A:Maybe.
Speaker A:Do I actually.
Speaker A:Maybe you saved up some money.
Speaker A:You want, you looking.
Speaker A:You want to buy that.
Speaker A:That dress that you've been looking at?
Speaker A:Oh, I'm gonna buy my husband.
Speaker A:He's been really wanting to do this.
Speaker A:I'm gonna buy him a day at the, at the racetrack or.
Speaker A:Or something.
Speaker A:Something he's been wanting.
Speaker B:So you're set.
Speaker A:Or go to a game he's been.
Speaker B:Wanting to go to.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So something that is a sacrificial love where you give something of yourself for.
Speaker A:For the benefit of.
Speaker A:Of your spouse.
Speaker A:And it doesn't have to be big.
Speaker A:It could be something small like, oh, I wanted to go and get a candy bar, but I bought.
Speaker A:I bought you this hummus.
Speaker B:Your Favorite snack, your favorite snacks or.
Speaker A:Whatever, whatever it is.
Speaker A:So it's just, just something that.
Speaker A:It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be extravagant.
Speaker A:It's just small, little, small acts of sacrifice.
Speaker A:It really builds up the friendship.
Speaker A:Now, we also want to talk about the difference between a healthy self sacrifice and a self harm or self neglect.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:That doesn't mean that you're always on the back burner.
Speaker A:You're always just the second tier.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You don't want to have a victim mentality.
Speaker A:You don't want to be a victim mentality.
Speaker A:Oh, just you.
Speaker A:Your spouse always gets something.
Speaker A:You never get anything, so you don't want it.
Speaker A:That is a toxic relationship.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You don't have to run yourself down.
Speaker A:You don't have to be.
Speaker A:Run yourself down.
Speaker A:Like you said, these are small sacrifices, small daily sacrifices.
Speaker A:And we're not talking about a toxic relationship.
Speaker A:Like we said again, we're not talking about a codependency.
Speaker A:We're not talking about anything like that.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Not any kind of abuse or neglect going on.
Speaker A:We talk about a healthy.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Self sacrifice.
Speaker A:Healthy sacrifice.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Like you get the last scoop of casserole, that yummy casserole that everybody loves.
Speaker A:So good.
Speaker B:This is one spoonful.
Speaker A:Oh, that was so good.
Speaker A:I like that casserole.
Speaker A:That's what you make.
Speaker A:Last week it was chicken and spinach and the cheese.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was so good.
Speaker A:I could, I could have ate the whole pan.
Speaker B:It was so good.
Speaker A:And it's light, so it wasn't, it wasn't heavy, so I felt like I could have eaten the whole thing, but I didn't exactly.
Speaker B:Thank you for that.
Speaker B:I got to have some.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Now, we want to encourage you to reflect on different ways that you can practice your sacrificial love today.
Speaker A:And if you want a copy of our friendship builder, type in friendship in the comments and we will email you a PDF of our friendships builder and we'll get that out as soon as we can.
Speaker B:And those definitely build your marriage.
Speaker B:When you're building your friendship, it always builds up your marriage.
Speaker B:And this is what we're talking about.
Speaker B:There's, there's give and take going on.
Speaker B:If both people are willing to sacrifice things and put the other one first, it can't help but make your marriage better and stronger and closer.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So come up with ways to, to show your spouse you love them and just, and just, just think about it and you'll come up with a whole list of things.
Speaker A:Oh, she likes this or he likes this.
Speaker A:Oh, she likes this, he likes this.
Speaker A:And there's so many ways that you can express love towards each other in all areas of intimacy that will just enhance the relationship.
Speaker B:We call it love in action.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Love in action.
Speaker A:We have a quote.
Speaker A:I want to be able to read it, so I don't want to get it wrong.
Speaker A:Love without sacrifice is like a flame without heat.
Speaker A:It may flicker, but it will never truly warm the soul.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:That is amazing.
Speaker A:Love without sacrifice is like a flame without heat.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:Kind of wonder, is that really love or is it not?
Speaker B:We want to love our spouse with that.
Speaker B:That flame, that.
Speaker B:That fire, that joy.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:Exciting news.
Speaker A:Catch our audio podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon podcasts.
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Speaker A:This week's friendship Builder.
Speaker A:So this week's friendship builder is all about the kitchen.
Speaker A:So what we're going to our friendship builder this week.
Speaker A:Husbands, plan out, get all the ingredients and cook a meal for your wife.
Speaker A:And wives, plan out, get all the ingredients and make the dessert.
Speaker B:That sounds fun.
Speaker A:Have a fun night making something for each other and just enjoy it.
Speaker A:So, guys, get creative.
Speaker A:It.
Speaker A:It'd be even funner if you did something you never cooked before.
Speaker A:Now if.
Speaker A:If you get.
Speaker A:The best thing you do is grill chicken on the.
Speaker A:On the barbecue, then go ahead.
Speaker A:Grilled chicken on the barbecue.
Speaker A:But something.
Speaker A:But also have sides with it.
Speaker A:Something that your spouse would love.
Speaker A:And wives, you do the same thing.
Speaker A:If it's.
Speaker A:If it's.
Speaker A:If it's chocolate jello pudding with ice cream on top, it's chocolate jello pudding and ice cream on top.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:Whatever way you do, it's something that you're doing for each other.
Speaker A:Right, Teresa?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's really sweet.
Speaker B:Especially if it's like a surprise.
Speaker B:You know what you're making for each other.
Speaker A:A surprise.
Speaker A:Kind of tough.
Speaker A:It's kind of tough to do.
Speaker A:Do that sometimes.
Speaker B:But both in the kitchen.
Speaker A:You're both in the kitchen, but maybe they won't know what it is until you start making it.
Speaker A:And that's the surprise.
Speaker B:That's the surprise.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That'll be fun.
Speaker A:So make a meal together.
Speaker A:But you both of you work on different parts and just do something for each other to bless them.
Speaker B:Stay connected with us across all platforms.
Speaker B:Join our vibrant community on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
Speaker B:Make sure to like, follow and subscribe for the latest updates and behind the scenes moments.
Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast and if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:So as we wrap up today's conversation, remember, sacrificial love is not about diminishing yourself or diminishing relationship.
Speaker A:It's about adding to relationship and strengthen the relationship.
Speaker A:Jesus exemplified this in his teaching, love is not just words, it's also actions.
Speaker A:He laid down his life for us.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Without any assurance that a single person would accept it or believe in it, he died in faith.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:So he's our example.
Speaker B:So you can lay down your own life in small ways.
Speaker B:You can think of your spouse ahead of yourself.
Speaker B:You can think about their needs ahead of your own needs and just love them with your actions, with your words, and just build up your spouse with all these little ways of sacrificial love that we're talking about.
Speaker B:It'll really bless your marriage.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Your sacrificial love will strengthen your foundation of trust.
Speaker A:It'll strengthen your foundation of intimacy and your foundation of unwavering commitment.
Speaker A:So until next next week, we'll talk more about sacrificial love.
Speaker A:But if you want more videos about intimacy, check out this video where we start talking about how to develop intimacy in marriage.
Speaker A:And until next time, remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
