Brain and Heart: Fostering Intellectual Intimacy in Marriage
Looking to boost the brainy bond in your marriage? Let’s dive into the six fab signs that show your relationship is rocking some healthy intellectual intimacy! We’re chatting about how deep convos and shared ideas can really amp up the connection between you and your partner. From dreaming up future plans together to having fun debates that don't end in a pillow fight, we’ll give you the scoop on nurturing that brainy spark. Plus, we’re sharing some playful tips to keep those conversations flowing and engaging, because who said marriage has to be all serious? Buckle up for a fun ride as we explore how to keep your intellectual vibes high and your hearts even higher!
Ever wondered if your marriage has that special spark of intellectual intimacy? Well, we’ve got six tell-tale signs that’ll make you nod your head in agreement! From chatting about your future plans (yep, those big dreams and tiny hopes) to keeping each other’s opinions front and center—this episode is packed with golden nuggets of wisdom. We’ll walk you through how seeking each other’s perspectives not only shows respect but also helps you both grow individually and as a couple. We’re diving into hobbies too! Whether it’s hiking, cooking, or even skydiving (if you’re feeling spicy), doing stuff together strengthens that intellectual bond. And don’t forget about core values—getting real about what matters most to you both can deepen your connection like nothing else. Plus, we’ll sprinkle in some tips for healthy debates that encourage open dialogue and understanding. So grab a comfy seat and let’s get those gears turning about how to ramp up that intellectual intimacy in your marriage!
Takeaways:
- Talking about future plans together is a key sign of intellectual intimacy in marriage.
- Regularly seeking each other's opinions shows respect and deepens your connection.
- Engaging in shared hobbies can strengthen your bond and enhance intellectual intimacy.
- Discussing core values and needs helps maintain a healthy emotional connection in marriage.
- Healthy debates foster understanding and growth, making your relationship even stronger.
- Creating a safe space for open communication is crucial for developing trust in your marriage.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Welcome to the Inspiring Marriages Podcast.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields and we are thrilled to have you with us today.
Speaker A:The incredible music that you heard in our intro was the incredible work of our very own son, Joseph Taylor Fields.
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Speaker A:This week we're continuing our series on intellectual intimacy.
Speaker A:We're going to call it Brain and Heart Fostering Intellectual Intimacy in Marriage.
Speaker A:In this episode, we're going to dive into the often overlooked aspect of intellectual intimacy.
Speaker A:While physical and emotional intimacy are commonly discussed, intellectual intimacy is equally vital for a thriving relationship.
Speaker B:Intellectual intimacy involves deep conversations and shared ideas.
Speaker B:We'll explore six signs of intellectual intimacy and provide practical tips to nurture and enhance this connection with your spouse.
Speaker A:Our first sign of intellectual intimacy in a marriage is you talk about your plans for the future together.
Speaker A:You know, there's, it's really important to have shared vision and goals.
Speaker A:From that you get unity, mutual understanding and support, enhanced communication, motivation, stability, security and personal growth.
Speaker A:Now some examples of future plan discussions you can talk about.
Speaker A:You talk about your career, you can talk about travel, you can have family goals.
Speaker A:It's always a good idea.
Speaker A:Teresa.
Speaker A:I think it is for every once in a while, at least once a year just to sit back and have a time together where you talk about how, how the year has been going, how what kind of hopes and, and plans you have for the future and kind of plan things out for, for the year.
Speaker A:Now you may not plan things out exactly because basically what you do is you, you, you plan things out in like boulders, St.
Speaker A:And pebbles.
Speaker A:So pebbles are things you do like in the next week or two.
Speaker A:Boulders might be a big plan you have for the next year, right?
Speaker A:And stones you might have.
Speaker A:Okay, they might be not as big Plans, but other plans you have may have every.
Speaker A:Every quarter or so, but you kind of plan things out.
Speaker A:You don't.
Speaker A:But you don't plan out every detail year from now, but you kind of set up.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Common.
Speaker A:Common vision and goals.
Speaker A:Isn't that important.
Speaker B:That's very important.
Speaker B:That helps not just your marriage to go in the right direction together, but your whole family going in the same direction.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It keeps you.
Speaker A:It helps you go in the same direction.
Speaker A:Now here, here are some tips for initiating and maintaining those conversations.
Speaker A:So get together this week and plan something small for the next two weeks.
Speaker A:That might be a movie.
Speaker A:There might be a dinner date.
Speaker A:It might be just something, a hike.
Speaker A:Plan something small for the next two weeks.
Speaker A:Then in the next week, also plan one minor activity that you're going to accomplish in the next six months.
Speaker A:Say you want to go overnight somewhere together.
Speaker A:Say you want to go to a concert.
Speaker A:Say you want to go to a show.
Speaker A:Say you want to go to a seminar.
Speaker A:Plan some minor activity to happen in the next six months.
Speaker A:And together plan something major for the next.
Speaker A:That will happen in the next 12 months.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker A:Maybe you want to go on a family vacation to Grand Canyon, right.
Speaker A:Go Hawaii or you go to Italy or go on a family cruise.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Or a couple's cruise.
Speaker A:Or you might want to go to the Bahamas.
Speaker A:You might want to go to Alaska.
Speaker A:Plan something major for the set of goal.
Speaker A:So, you know, if you like.
Speaker A:Let's say we were planning, one of our goals is go to an Alaskan cruise right now.
Speaker A:Have we, have we done it?
Speaker A:No, we have not.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:But if we said, hey, next, next July, let's, let's plan on a family trip to Alaska and go on a family cruise.
Speaker A:And we would start setting aside money now, right.
Speaker B:And we would, we would get those parkas ready.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Parkers ready.
Speaker A:If you go in July, it's not that cold.
Speaker B:Oh, that's good.
Speaker A:So you would.
Speaker A:So instead of going out to eat at a nice restaurant, maybe you, you cook in and you take that money and you set aside for your cruise and you just do things.
Speaker A:Just do things.
Speaker A:Planning together.
Speaker A:But when you pull in together, it'll go a lot faster.
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker B:You have something to work towards and that makes it exciting and fun.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So talk about your future together.
Speaker A:That's great sign that you are.
Speaker A:You have developing intellectual intimacy when you talk together about your plans for the future.
Speaker A:Teresa should not wonder what our plans are, and I should wonder what her plans are.
Speaker A:We should plan Together.
Speaker A:A second sign that you're developing intellectual intimacy in marriage is you regularly seek each other's opinions.
Speaker A:When you seek your spouse's opinion about something, you're showing respect and you show that you value your partner's perspective.
Speaker B:Mm, I like that.
Speaker A:So real life examples of decision making together may be whether we replace the car, what kind of car are we going to get, how are we going to pay for it, Know the color and.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So those.
Speaker A:So those things shouldn't be done by one.
Speaker A:One of the spouses.
Speaker B:No, no.
Speaker B:Because if one is kind of going to an extreme, the other can kind of balance you out and bring you back into reality.
Speaker B:You know, like, this is what we can afford.
Speaker B:Or.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Dave Ramsey teaches that always one of you is more of a spender and one of you is more of a saver.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So, so that's.
Speaker A:So you have to work together, but you should regularly seek each other's opinions about stuff.
Speaker A:Hey, why do you think about if we do this?
Speaker A:Paint this wall green?
Speaker A:Or what do you think about this?
Speaker A:What do you think about that?
Speaker A:So and so those are real life examples of making decisions together.
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker B:That's so helpful.
Speaker A:And you, you'll have so many decisions to make during your marriage.
Speaker A:Just starting out, you know, what type of school are the kids going to go?
Speaker A:Are you going to public school?
Speaker A:You're going to go private school?
Speaker A:Are you going to home school?
Speaker A:Or.
Speaker A:Or those things are decisions and it shouldn't be.
Speaker B:They're huge.
Speaker A:One nagging the other and one not the other one not being brow beating the other one.
Speaker A:It should be a mutual.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, Decision.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So everything we're talking about are not arguments.
Speaker A:There are discussions.
Speaker B:They're discussions.
Speaker A:There's no winners the winner, but there's no losers.
Speaker A:There's no losers in a couple's.
Speaker A:This should not be a loser in a couple.
Speaker B:Because that's right.
Speaker A:You don't want your spouse to lose an argument.
Speaker A:You just.
Speaker A:You don't want that.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:You don't want to beat your spouse in an argument.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:You both should be succeeding.
Speaker B:If you're supporting each other, it's a win.
Speaker B:Win.
Speaker A:And actively seek your spouse's opinion about stuff.
Speaker A:Make it a habit of.
Speaker A:Teresa always says, how does this dress look on me?
Speaker A:And I could say, how does this shirt look on me?
Speaker A:How's my.
Speaker A:How.
Speaker A:She can say, how's my hair?
Speaker A:I can say, how.
Speaker A:Just different things.
Speaker A:We should regularly incorporate our spouse's opinion.
Speaker A:We should regularly incorporate asking our spouses their opinions.
Speaker A:That's a great sign that you are developing intellectual intimacy when you really seek each other's opinion and not just go off and make decisions and actions on your own, that you're actually actively seeking your spouse's opinion.
Speaker A:Now this is a big one.
Speaker A:The third sign that you're developing intellectual intimacy is you invite your spouse to join you in your favorite hobby.
Speaker B:That is big.
Speaker A:That is big.
Speaker A:Now this is.
Speaker A:There's, there's benefits of shared activities and hobbies.
Speaker A:Now a hobby is any activity that you do for fun, relaxation, and enjoyment.
Speaker A:Now you should invite your spouse into your hobby and they should do vice versa.
Speaker A:Now the website www.happierhuman.com hobbies couples, they have like 65 different activities or hobbies that couples can engage in, from rock, rock climbing to bird watching.
Speaker A:So this.
Speaker B:So many things, so many things you.
Speaker A:Can try, but you should do hobbies together.
Speaker A:Now here's some examples.
Speaker A:Now you are where you are in your life.
Speaker A:And you know, some are younger, some are older, some are active, some are not.
Speaker A:So you just have to.
Speaker A:Whatever is, you know, fits you where you are now.
Speaker A:But just.
Speaker A:And remember, you can always get in better shape.
Speaker A:So number one, exercise together.
Speaker A:Yep, that's a great hobby to do together.
Speaker A:Exercise together.
Speaker A:Take a cooking class together.
Speaker A:Go bird watching.
Speaker A:Go beach combing, puzzle building, karaoke, Lego building, dance class, classes.
Speaker A:I want to say fencing classes.
Speaker A:Not the fences that you put up.
Speaker B:In your yard, but with the sword that foil or whatever.
Speaker A:Here's a good one.
Speaker A:Learn a new language together.
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker B:That's especially great if your goal is to go to another country right.
Speaker B:In the next year.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:You can learn the language together and.
Speaker A:You can encourage each other as you, as you learn the language and you start speaking espanol in your house to have conversations.
Speaker A:Or Italian or espanol or German or whatever.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:Japanese.
Speaker A:Whatever it is on your heart.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:To, to learn hiking, camping.
Speaker A:Here's a good one.
Speaker A:Enjoy tech free days.
Speaker B:Wow, that's unplugged.
Speaker B:What's that?
Speaker A:No phones.
Speaker B:Most people would say, I can't do it.
Speaker A:No phones.
Speaker B:That's a good one though.
Speaker A:No phones.
Speaker B:That should be relaxing.
Speaker A:That would be very relaxing.
Speaker B:Bring the stress levels down.
Speaker A:Pickleball, tennis, there's golf, crossword puzzles, Sudoku.
Speaker A:A couple.
Speaker A:You could start a couple's podcast and a YouTube video channel.
Speaker A:You could play video games.
Speaker A:You go atving, have a movie night, plant a butterfly garden.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:Take a pottery class, take a painting class.
Speaker B:And go bike, go biking, which it.
Speaker A:Could be Dirt bikes, mountain bikes, or just riding on tandem bikes or just bikes down.
Speaker B:Try that and see how you go.
Speaker A:On a trail, a bike trail.
Speaker B:No arguing.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So I really encourage you to do more activities together.
Speaker A:It really does help the intellectual intimacy in your marriage.
Speaker B:It shouldn't all just be so brainy and so intellectual.
Speaker B:It should be fun.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so like we said before, we said in these past series on intellectual intimacy, they're not four different worlds of intimacy.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Different areas of intimacy.
Speaker A:Spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical.
Speaker A:But they enhance each other.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:As you enhance your intellectual intimacy, you will find that will enhance your emotional intimacy.
Speaker B:That's true.
Speaker B:That is true.
Speaker B:You have all those shared memories and shared activities together and things.
Speaker B:You discuss that really and just have fun.
Speaker A:Just have fun doing something.
Speaker A:And I know.
Speaker A:We know how it's like having young kids and how it is that you're just trying to get through the day, trying to get to the point where they're in bed and you can just have five minutes to yourself with your spouse.
Speaker A:We know how that is.
Speaker A:And you know.
Speaker A:And you expect me to start a hobby on top of that.
Speaker A:We know how it is.
Speaker A:You just do your best.
Speaker A:You know.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Five minutes exercising together is better than zero minutes.
Speaker B:It sure is.
Speaker B:Five or ten minutes is better than none.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker A:Right now, the fourth sign that you're developing intellectual intimacy is you discuss your core values and needs.
Speaker A:Now, we've.
Speaker A:We've talked before on other episodes.
Speaker A:The basic needs of a husband versus the basic needs of a wife.
Speaker A:But you need to be able to discuss those needs.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Because as you're getting older, things are changing.
Speaker B:Your body's changing.
Speaker B:Sometimes your emotional physical needs are changing.
Speaker B:Might not be big changes, but you should talk about it.
Speaker A:We should talk about everything.
Speaker A:And you shouldn't be embarrassed about talking about anything in your relationship.
Speaker A:Really shouldn't.
Speaker A:So it's really important to understand each other's needs.
Speaker A:I need to really know that Teresa, one of her highest needs is meaningful conversation.
Speaker A:She needs that from me.
Speaker A:It's a need that she has.
Speaker A:It's not a want or a luxury.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:She really needs that to feel loved.
Speaker A:And she really acts of service when I do acts of service for her.
Speaker A:That's how she feels loved.
Speaker A:And I need to understand that.
Speaker A:And we need to be able to talk about that.
Speaker A:Now we need to also have meaningful conversation about our values and needs.
Speaker A:So I did some research and here's some exercises to identify and align your Values and needs.
Speaker A:As a couple, you need to do a values and needs inventory.
Speaker A:Just talk about that.
Speaker A:Just talk about that.
Speaker A:We said we have past episodes about the basic needs of a husband and the basic needs of a wife to be able to talk about them.
Speaker A:You need to talk about.
Speaker A:We talked about love languages and talk about.
Speaker A:During your talk, during your daily talk, you can talk about things like that.
Speaker A:I don't, I think we haven't had enough time talking or, or we just haven't had some area.
Speaker A:We haven't had any friendship building.
Speaker A:We need some friendship building.
Speaker A:And we talk about the basic needs of a man.
Speaker A:Honor and respect and physical affection.
Speaker A:And we talked about friendship and we talked about domestic support.
Speaker A:Domestic support is not.
Speaker A:Again, I say that every time.
Speaker A:It's not cooking, cleaning and sewing, it's taking a home house and making it into a home and talking about the basic needs of a wife.
Speaker A:Meaningful conversations of non sexual affection, soft affection.
Speaker A:And we talked about those needs.
Speaker A:So these need to talk about those things and your love languages and how your tank is filling up or if your tank is filling up, you ask your spouse, is your tank full?
Speaker A:And they look at you, you're not.
Speaker A:So also a good idea is have a vision board.
Speaker A:So a vision board is, you know, if you.
Speaker A:Everyone should know a vision board.
Speaker A:Vision board is like you just have a.
Speaker A:It's just a board or a bulletin board or just something where you might have.
Speaker A:Maybe you want a new car and you put up a picture of a car that you like.
Speaker A:Or maybe you're looking for a house and you put the picture of a house you'd like.
Speaker A:Maybe you want to take a trip to Alaska or the Grand Canyon.
Speaker A:Put your picture up of the Grand Canyon.
Speaker A:Maybe you want to be debt free.
Speaker A:You put up the current balance and every week it goes down.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:So that's a great idea.
Speaker A:A vision board is something that we could just.
Speaker A:You can just focus on your shared goals.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Shared vision.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Theresa makes it more concrete too.
Speaker B:Instead of just like you've got the idea up in your head or even if you wrote it down, but you've got pictures.
Speaker B:It's something the way our brain works, you know, it just.
Speaker B:You're more inspired about it, you're more expectant that it's really going to happen.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:It's so important to be able to see that vision.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Another thing we can do for.
Speaker A:During our discussion, our core values and needs have deep dive conversations.
Speaker A:So that's really, I mean, this is really diving deep where you look each other in the eye and say, at the end of our lives, what does success look like?
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker A:Now, have you ever thought about that?
Speaker A:When you get.
Speaker A:And guess what?
Speaker A:You're going to get to the end of your life, you will get to the end of your life.
Speaker A:And what do you want your marriage to look like right at the end?
Speaker B:Is it like you started a business and you grew it and became independently wealthy or, you know, at least prepared yourself a comfortable living so when you're older, you don't have to depend on your kids.
Speaker B:You don't have to live off a meager retirement or anything.
Speaker B:You've got something wonderful built up.
Speaker B:Or it could be just.
Speaker B:For some people, it's just raising the kids and putting them through college kids.
Speaker A:And are they.
Speaker A:Are they out?
Speaker A:Are they independent?
Speaker A:And are they following the dream that God has given them?
Speaker A:Another thing you can do is take a personality test.
Speaker A:And there's a personality test that divides you up into lions and beavers and.
Speaker B:Otters and I don't know what else.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Don't take it as gospel.
Speaker A:It lets you know where your strings are.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's not cut and dried.
Speaker B:Like, you have to be only like this, because like anything, you're going to have some traits of some other.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And there's just all kinds of factors in your life.
Speaker A:Your birth order.
Speaker A:It's just other things which you're not locked into, those pigeonholed ideas or stereotypes.
Speaker B:Yes, that's true of your birth order.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:Something else you can do that's really good.
Speaker A:Draw a timeline of your life together.
Speaker B:Wow, that's really good.
Speaker A:Times and the challenges.
Speaker B:That's really good.
Speaker A:So go back and just like, get a.
Speaker A:Get a piece of paper and just draw your marriage.
Speaker B:That would.
Speaker B:Mark on there.
Speaker A:Mark on there.
Speaker A:This is when this happened.
Speaker A:This is when the thing.
Speaker A:And include the good times and include the challenges.
Speaker A:This is where we overcame this.
Speaker A:This is when we said goodbye to this person.
Speaker A:This is.
Speaker A:And so just.
Speaker A:Just draw a timeline of your life together.
Speaker B:That would be amazing because you.
Speaker B:You'd have so much to be thankful for when you look over it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And see all that has happened.
Speaker B:And like Jeff said, the challenges you've overcome, things you got through because you were together and your family grew out of that.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's amazing.
Speaker A:It is amazing.
Speaker A:Number five, you enjoy healthy debates now.
Speaker A:There's a big difference between a healthy debate and an argument.
Speaker A:In an argument, you're trying to win the conversation.
Speaker A:Debates, you're trying to Come together?
Speaker B:Yeah, it's like an exchanging of ideas.
Speaker B:You don't have to think exactly alike, but you can listen to each other's ideas.
Speaker B:And even if they don't agree, you're at least saying it and putting it out in the open.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Like we said earlier in an argument, there's gonna be a winner and a loser.
Speaker A:And you don't want that in your marriage.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:You don't want to beat your spouse in anything except maybe Scrabble or checkers.
Speaker B:I bet you could.
Speaker A:Or Chinese checkers.
Speaker A:But no, you don't want a lose.
Speaker A:You don't want to beat your spouse in anything, really.
Speaker B:No, it's not dominant feeding somebody.
Speaker A:Healthy debates can lead to growth and deeper understanding.
Speaker A:So a lot of times when you take a topic and discuss it, you both gain insight and understanding and the issue actually becomes clear to you and you say, oh, I see your.
Speaker A:I understand your viewpoint and I.
Speaker A:And I like that.
Speaker B:So you learn something.
Speaker B:You learn something now, right?
Speaker A:Remember, keep it respectful, keep it focused.
Speaker A:It's all about collaboration.
Speaker A:You're working on a solution together.
Speaker A:Now, the ground rules for productive and respect respectful debates.
Speaker A:You take turns, you stay calm and you avoid absolutes, y'all.
Speaker B:That's so true.
Speaker A:You always do this, you never do that.
Speaker A:Avoid.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:None of those.
Speaker B:None of those.
Speaker A:So you just take turns, you stay calm and you avoid absolutes and you'll collaborate together.
Speaker A:It's good.
Speaker A:Number six.
Speaker A:You identify with this feeling.
Speaker A:I can talk to my spouse about anything is so important to build trust and create a safe place for open communication.
Speaker A:That's why we said from, from day one, your marriage has to be a safe place where your spouse is free to talk to you about anything without reprisals.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Without penalty.
Speaker B:That's so important.
Speaker A:We have some techniques to help us for active listening and empathetic responses.
Speaker A:Give full attention to detail when your spouse is talking.
Speaker A:Give them your full attention.
Speaker A:Don't be thinking about the ball game or how crazy your day was, how things were so bad at work or your ride home or anything like that.
Speaker A:Give your spouse your full attention.
Speaker A:Use non verbal cues.
Speaker A:Look at them in the eye, Smile, nod.
Speaker A:Don't sit there with your hands folded.
Speaker B:Oh, right.
Speaker A:And wait for them to finish.
Speaker A:And just looking at them, don't do that.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:And don't interrupt.
Speaker A:Let them talk and let them just share their feelings.
Speaker A:Share their thoughts.
Speaker A:It's called active listening.
Speaker A:So don't interrupt.
Speaker A:And when they say something, you can feel free to paraphrase and Summarize.
Speaker A:I feel that you.
Speaker A:This is what I think.
Speaker A:I feel that you said or this is how.
Speaker B:This is what it sounded like to me.
Speaker A:This is what this.
Speaker A:What you sounded like to me.
Speaker A:You can paraphrase and summarize and just to make sure that you got it right.
Speaker A:Because we have different filters.
Speaker A:I hear things differently as a male than Teresa hears as a female.
Speaker A:So we have different perspectives, thankfully.
Speaker A:So we need to make sure that we are on the same page.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:On the same page of the playbook.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker A:And we need to reflect the feeling.
Speaker A:So if my wife is.
Speaker A:Is upset about something or I don't need to, eh, not a big deal.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Or if she's joyful about something, I need to be joyful with her about something.
Speaker A:She tells me some exciting news that maybe she had heard that day about something somebody said to her or that she learned I need to reflect her feelings were the appropriate feelings.
Speaker A:If she's happy about something, I just need to.
Speaker A:And she's cheerful and glad about something, I should be happy with her and reflect those.
Speaker A:Those feelings.
Speaker B:That's true.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, that makes a big difference.
Speaker B:Instead of it just like bouncing off of your spouse, like.
Speaker B:Yeah, like they wouldn't care.
Speaker B:So it's, it shows a lot more care for what your spouse is feeling when you reflect the same thing back.
Speaker B:Just like we're saying, respect for their thoughts and their feelings.
Speaker A:And our last technique for active listening is stay present.
Speaker A:So stay in the moment.
Speaker A:Don't be thinking ahead of what you're going to say in response to your spouse.
Speaker A:Don't be thinking about what they said yesterday.
Speaker A:Well, I'm going to give it to him now because I remember what he said yesterday.
Speaker A:Oh, I remember what she did yesterday to me.
Speaker A:I remember that.
Speaker A:No, no, stay present.
Speaker A:And it's not.
Speaker A:You're not an argument.
Speaker A:Remember, it's not an argument.
Speaker A:It's active listening.
Speaker A:Listen to your spouse.
Speaker A:Full attention to detail, nonverbal cues.
Speaker A:Don't interrupt, paraphrase and summarize reflective feelings.
Speaker A:And stay present.
Speaker A:So this week we talked about six signs that were developing intellectual intimacy.
Speaker A:We talked about that you are able to talk about your plans for the future.
Speaker A:You regularly seek each other's opinions about something.
Speaker A:You and your spouse join in the hobby.
Speaker A:You discuss your core values and needs.
Speaker A:You enjoy healthy debates.
Speaker A:And you identify with this feeling.
Speaker A:I can talk to my spouse about anything.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So next week we're going to talk about.
Speaker A:We're going to start a New series.
Speaker B:New series.
Speaker A:It'll be season two of the Valentine's next week.
Speaker A:We're going to talk about new series and we're going to talk about love.
Speaker A:Exciting news.
Speaker A:Catch our audio podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon Podcasts.
Speaker A:We would love to hear your thoughts.
Speaker A:So please leave us a review.
Speaker A:Do you prefer watching?
Speaker A:Head on over to YouTube and search for the Inspiring Marriages channel to see us in action.
Speaker A:And for the ultimate convenience, listen with your smart device.
Speaker A:Just say Siri, play the Inspiring Marriages podcast.
Speaker A:Join us wherever and however you prefer to tune in this week's Friendship Builder.
Speaker A:So this week our friendship builder for developing intimacy is do a hobby together.
Speaker A:So we're going to pick a hobby that we currently don't do and we're going to, we're going to try it out and we're going to share photos of that.
Speaker A:So we want you to do the same thing.
Speaker A:We want you to share your stories on how you and your spouse develop your intellectual intimacy together.
Speaker A:What are some of the things you do together?
Speaker A:Do you, do you hike?
Speaker A:Do you do puzzles?
Speaker A:Do you do the crossword together?
Speaker B:Read books?
Speaker A:Do you read books?
Speaker A:Do you go mountain climbing?
Speaker A:Do you skydive together?
Speaker A:Do you fly kites?
Speaker A:You know, whatever it is.
Speaker B:Go to museums?
Speaker A:Go to museums?
Speaker A:What do you and your spouse do to develop intellectual interests?
Speaker A:Because as we've seen over these past few weeks, although it's not talked about a lot, intellectual intimacy is very important and very vital.
Speaker A:It's vital for a healthy, vibrant marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Stay connected with us across all platforms.
Speaker B:Join our vibrant community on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
Speaker B:Make sure to like, follow and subscribe for the latest updates and behind the scenes moments.
Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast.
Speaker A:And if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:Always remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
